footprints in my life...

Dazed and Confussed

2010-08-28T18:26:00.001+08:00

Jack Kerouac said, “I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” How I can relate to that now. I am again stuck in another limbo. I thought I finally got that perfect situation where I thought I can settle for a longer time, but again the concept eludes me.

I found out that I like writing through this job and I must say I enjoyed it. But as the proverbs said, “Every Rose has its thorns”, they poked holes in my passion until it bled dry. I thought I know what I want; now I don’t know anymore. Is that the price to pay to be somewhat artistic? I felt like that those gifted kids that cannot fit in their normal classes. And yet, not good enough to be on the Menza.

And now I am having this confusion about what to do with myself. Would there be something that actually let me settle? And as much as I am love my husband, I felt like aside from him, I don’t have any other friend. I forgot how it was to hang out with just the girls. And silly workaholics, none of us is actually free to have a life. Things that we see on TV is just a make believe. Friends are too few in between. The more I hang out with people, the more I felt the façade that they put up and I got sucked up in the nothingness and I feel the comfort of my magic box is more fulfilling.

Sad much…

ゲンまぼろし

2010-03-31T22:37:00.005+08:00

That's a word that express my feeling at the moment.

Today marked the unnoficial last day of my dream job. I don't quit. I did not get retrenched. The company that I worked for got surmountable financial problems, which they already had when they hired me and I got a sense that they hired me to be one of the plugs of a sinking ship. I don't want to admit it, but I could feel it earlier on in my working place. My job, in such a way, is too good to be true.

I am now semi jobless... like an aimless phantom wondering for a real sustenance. I got to get another job. But how can you get another one that will have the same level of satisfaction? My current defunct job is the type of job that I'm looking forward to everyday, the type that allows you freedom, and created the best in you. I never knew that I can write that much. I don't even know that I got a huge canvas of opportunity to be creative. In my short few months, I found what I am really all about. Now I know, why I never really focus on one topic... Because I am... A Magazine.

Now why don't I try to look for another job in another publishing houses?
Because this one is the perfect nitch of topic that I can think of for myself. Something that I originally thought doesn't even exist. And now it's all over. I was deeply heartbroken. For awhile I was alive, happy, full of ideas. I thought I was back in my saddle again. For once I made my parents proud of me. How flitting it was...

Now, I have to go back to the real world. Working for other people's ideas and passion; While I drag my feet, switching off my mind, and numbingly crunching letters on the screen. I need the money to stay in this zombie zone.

So just like I said... ゲンまぼろし(マボロシ)

One Bum Factor on Modernization

2010-01-22T11:31:00.004+08:00

It’s been about four months now, I’m being paid to write and edit. I must say that I like the job. Although, there’s some hick ups here and there, especially in terms of financial situation (I shall not write it down in details because this is a ‘public’ diary). I get a lot of perks with this job: opportunity to interview some celebrities, attend some galas and runway shows (which reminds me of scenes from ‘Ugly Betty’) and a whole lot of freedom.

Now I don’t want to so say that it’s a big bummer that we are blessed with the comfortable modernization and advanced technology. But before there’re blogs, Facebook, Twitter and what have you, to have your ramble being published is quite a novelty feeling. Sure there are newspaper and magazines where people can just submit their op-eds. But even being included in the newspaper or magazine was cool, I thought. I remember when I was younger and I wrote some comment on some celeb and see if my scribbles ever made it to print. As you guessed it, they never did.

Then as the internet becomes something that we can’t live without, I ventured out to have my own thoughts ‘published’. Whether or not it’s being read by people, I treated it like a diary (like what I’m doing right now). And then I realized and excited when people actually read and write relevant comments on my posting. It feels like a ‘payment’ to my writing. After awhile though, the feeling washes off especially with a lot of platforms where people just pen their thoughts. Writing became highly saturated.

I am now an editor and also a writer for a small magazine. And I just realized that I have some printed/ published scribbles. I’m still in an outer-body mode in terms of my career. I assure you, at the moment, it’s not as glamorous as it may sound. But I believe we can head to that direction. What made me realize all these is because my aunties in US told me that they’re enjoying the magazine that I sent them and only read the article with my name on it. They told me a few months ago. I didn’t think much about it. I only felt it few days ago, as I was slaving away trying to get my third edition finished on time. I’m being published. No matter how big or small this feat is, I appreciate this rite of passage.

If only I wasn’t too twitterpated in the modernization… Like what I’m doing right now.

Swine swindler

2009-06-03T15:13:00.004+08:00

I was not having a very good day today. I was being swindled. I was on my way back home from my weekly networking meeting. When I passed these 2 indian guys and one of them happen to casually mentioned something to me as he walked pass, and it was the bait. I thought he said something like, "You look very (open)..." or something and that was all it took. I stopped and turned to him and said, "Excuse me?" And before I know it, he started selling off his belief and mentioned that he teaches Yoga and would like to read my fortune. I was like, "Uh huh (WEIRDO!)" He said my chakra was open and I got a very good eyes and I should not worried too much. I will be a millionaire, he said. He was about to pull me to a corner, when I told him that I got to go for a meeting. And then and there I should just walk away, but there's a feeling of decency in me to just stop a bit and listen to his reply before you walk off from people. At the same time, I felt that as though he's going to scream at me or something. I was feeling uncomfortable. Very much so. He said he's some holy people, he believes in Yoga. And he wrote me something in a piece of paper and gave it to me, I was like, yeah... give it to my hand that's holding a piece of tissue, so I can throw it away at the same time. And then as I was ready to leave, he said, "Pick a number below 9." I said, "7" And he said that he knew it and said to open the paper that he gave me earlier. Tcheah... Lucky guess. I think most either pick 7 or 8. But at that time, I should just walk away instead he open his pocket book, showing off his Ganesha or whoever is in there and start saying that he's some holy man and roughly speaking, "Give me your money." At first I claimed that I don't have cash with me. (I got $30 in my wallet) and he kept on prodding and at that moment for some reason I froze like an idiot and give him $10 just to brush him off. He saw that I have more. What a devil!!! He cleaned me up and still ask for more saying that with my big fortune, I got to pay for it. I don't know why I can't just be a jerk and told him off the first time. I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE IN YOUR MUMBO JUMBO!!! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SATAN! Darn. I think I forgot to equip myself with my faith. Oh well, you know what. I believe that God can understand and some good will come out from all these. Hopefully that loser didn't use it to buy drugs (don't seem the type, but maybe some Holy hashis can slip thru the system).

And this is the e-mail that I wrote to my boss:

I don’t know what I got myself into… I think this headache really messed me up. I was being swindled today. As I was trying to get home, some Indian guy, introduced himself as some holy man, and although I already said I have a meeting to go to etc, he managed to get $30 from me, just because he said that I will be rich soon (the process was more complicated than just saying that I’m getting rich soon). He did some trick that predict my lucky number and other stuff, and silly me, I should have just walked away rather than have him see my palms, showed me his gods photos, etc. I SHOULD HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY. I felt like I have a mark in my forehead saying GULLIBLE. I don’t believe at whatever he’s saying, but there’s this feeling of ‘Paiseh’ when he asked me for my money. I felt as though he’s going to scream or do something bad to me if I don’t give him my money. It was an empty road, although it’s open/ next to heavy traffic. Good thing I’ve spent the better part of it for BNI. I’m really pissed at myself now and rather than healed, my headache grew.

I don't want to go against whatever religion, but seriously, this is not religious at all. You just don't ask money from people that you just 'help'. If your 'god' is really that powerful, you should get a better commission from this god, rather than getting meager change from poor victims like me. You don't scare people to get money... Or you're just the same as any swindler... SWINES! I think this is really the work of the Devil. No matter what form of religion he wants to mask himself in. Chakras, my butt.

Boredom

2009-05-25T16:10:00.005+08:00

The busy-ness of the conference had died down for a month now. And as much as I don't mind meeting new people, some people are just not worth to see again after you make their acquaintance. I think I have to say that I'm a very gifted debutante. Once 'special' people left the door, s/he will not see my invitation again.

I still have not found my niche, may it be working from home or working at an office. I ended up missing what the other can offer.

Yesterday, I was very tired due to the horrid humid and hot weather. It just sapped the strength out of you. And it had been a long day. Aside from a very good sermon at New Creation Church, I was beat. And it showed on my face and my physiology. I sounded like Paula Abdul on Coke (the soda). I made silly comments to my husband's partners and I felt bad about it. I wasn't even realizing it when it happen. Only at night when we recap on what's going on the day, he asked me why my replies were weird and don't make sense... There goes my 'debutante' status. Maybe I can still fit, the ones that were heavily boozed up.

I was feeling heavy about my life journey... Or shall I say my working life journey. I am easily bored and unmotivated. In a sense God gave me a better solutions in my current state. Lighter work hours and more freedom by working from home. But of course, one thing that I want the most is not there. Freedom. I was trying to say that to Jon's partners yesterday, but instead mumbles came out from my mouth. I can be your good host, carry myself well, socialize here and there, but don't ask me if I want to spearhead a rubber hose company. So boring. I ended up mumbling something alongside of being an artist and what not. I don't mind embarassing myself, since I've done it before, but I don't want to make my husband feel bad about it. I feel like a dumb ditsy blonde.

I love to read, and I like to learn new things too... But sad thing is none of these pay. I love to draw and design, but I feel that my ability is just so-so. I love to sing and perform, although I don't love the bohemian lifestyle that ensued. I love to perform for church function, but since my husband rubbed some cliques the wrong way, I guess I have to kiss that goodbye also. I don't blame Jon. He's a part of me, and what makes him happy it's like a surge of endorphine on my system also. It's just that once in awhile, my feelings just doesn't want to agree.

Am I a true artist? Or still dazed and confused in my own fairy tale reality? I still feel like a little girl trapped in a mature world. I felt like I don't know anything, and yet, I do know something, that I'm not that bad. I'm not so helpless. I just want my freedom. But I guess this can only happen on the next life. Not here.

that figure in your peripheral

2009-04-18T23:53:00.006+08:00

I have been wanting to post this thought as some kind of result of experimentation. But it happen in real life and was in real time and result may vary. So don't ask for your money back if this so called remedy doesn't work.

I am not a fan of horror stories or movies, and after watching 'The Grudge' I don't intend to continue our relationship. Pun intended. But that curiosity is always there, clawing at me, enticing me to sneak a peek. The figure in your peripheral. Never really in your focus but bugging you like eye bugger. And when that one-second flash scared the crap out of you, it's too late to feel sorry for yourself. And it takes time to wiped that junk from your database, like a bad case of virus.

Now there were some times, that those one-second flashes didn't really affect me. And here's a case: I was very sad a couple days ago. With everything that happens surrounds my husband. I felt frustrated, upset, sad, all mixed into one. I understand my husband. I understand the care group people. Yet I know that the both sides 'speak different languages'. I'm stuck in the middle not knowing how to 'translate'. Before long, one decided to burn the bridges of friendship and the other helped fanned the flame. Both were right and both were wrong, but in the middle of finger pointing, both failed to see the other four fingers that pointing at themselves. And trust me, nobody will say that they are at fault. And I'm tired to be the middle ground. I didn't even agree to the meeting to begin with. So that was that. I came home in a crumpled mess emotionally. Worn out by senseless battle of banters. I've been saying quite a number of time that I'm tired of people. I like my role as a bystander. I'm just a witness - but with their guns blazing they were not looking at where they're aiming. I must say that they're not aiming perfectly, hence 'civilians' down. Call the medic!

And now I am a ghost. A crying one. The TV was on and the volume was loud to drown my sorrow. Then it came. The Ring's ghost, Samara, waved her appearance, asking for attention - plus other freak shows. Their music were intentionally haunting. I cried harder. The volume really good to buffer my sadness. And with all those stricken contorted face and bad hair day, I can only blamed the girl for getting herself into that stupid situation. I was too absorbed to be affected. Maybe it jolted me out of my reverie, but then I continue wallowing. It only stopped when I saw the exchange between Simon Cowell and the 'saved' Matt Giraud. Then my attention is secured.

So there you go folks... When you're sad, you throw your creepy crawlies out in the wind. I rest... my case.

Another beginning

2009-01-03T10:08:00.002+08:00

Never really feel the time breezed out when you're having a break. Since I lost my job in October, it was really amazing that the plan that I was thinking of didn't work out and before you know it... It's January. And I will start with my new job soon. If I would like to summarize those missing 3 months, I would say that aside from my China trip I was (or I thought so) quite diligent in resume sending, attended a few interviews and taking care of my house and my husband. Aside from that, I don't think I did anything else. Which is quite sad. I hardly even stepped outside the house to shop. Imagine that. Yes I shopped for groceries. But it was with Jon (meaning, no time to browse) and it's out of my norm not to look around and window shop all those nice frills along the fashion spreads.

Now I became engrossed on what's the latest book rack at IKEA's catalogue rather than checking out fashion magazine for the latest trends. Well, usually I hardly notice the trends from fashion magazine anyway. I thought most fashion that were drapped there were not suitable to wear. It's just for art sake they were there. All in all, though, I am not that bad as in memorizing the furniture name such as SVAJZ or KALLT or whatever that IKEA conjured up. I know the name or even able to spell it, but I couldn't connect them to the items. It's just stuck on me brain because I've seen it quite a bit.

What's my resolution? I must say... Just to enjoy life as it may come. I would love to be able to sing more. Nothing ambitious. With all that's happening in the world, I became more and more cloistered in this cocoon of self perservation in not knowing. Might as well, God come now and take this creature comfort home. Hehehe. I know that when I checked my bank book, I somewhat amazed that I managed to save quite a bit, although I'm an impulsive shopper. And that God is providing for us through it all.

See... time ran out as I'm blogging this and I have to go out and meeting with my relatives now...

Daily dose of smile

2008-11-10T21:42:00.002+08:00

I was thinking about writing my China Experience in this blog, and come to think of it, I don't know when would it end... For example, I couldn't even finish my Jakarta trip blog from 6 months ago and now it lays dormant on the draft portion of the blog, hehehe... So as I was checking out my mails, I found a few joke or two:

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, deodorant and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Let Him do the cold calling

2008-10-16T13:10:00.007+08:00

Sales, is the word that I dreaded now as I search into open positions in the market place. I've been in that arena and no matter how mild the experience be, I'd rather be doing something else. Market place is big world of sales, and no matter how low the association may be, but without "sales" there will not be economy, there will be no CEOs, or even money (concrete form or otherwise).

And yet another thing... you need to have a great ability to humble yourself to be going far in this sector. You have to be able to suck your pride as those rude receivers hung up on you before you even done speaking for the umpteenth time. You are just this medium with no thoughts or feelings. I really applaud these people's ability. If I may say so, I'm in a more 'stuck up' place of sales, meaning, I'd rather do marketing. Yes, there's sales factor in them, but I don't need to be the end of the spear. I'm playing the supportive stick. Figuratively.

So for all of you business people out there. May it be the front runner, or the one hiding behind, I read a verse that can be a good encouragement. And where else would that be if not in Proverbs, hehehehe...

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:3, NIV) But I like New King James version better...
"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established."

Notice that in NKJV, it states... "your thoughts will be established." As you're about to do up your sales (or in another current cooler, more dignifying term: Business Development). Before you even manage to utter a word, just pray that whatever that you would like to say is all guided by God so all is well, whatever the result may be. Even when that phone or meeting slams the door infront of your face, you will deflect it better knowing that God is with you. And when one door is closed, many other thing will be open, "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) Notice the word 'steps'. Not just one but many. Amen.

On a lighter note, I received this e-mail from a friend of mine in Indonesia. It's a joke about Marketing terms. The joke is in Indonesian, but I shall try to translate it. Hopefully I don't loose the undertone due to the language barrier...

The text is in Indonesian slang:Istilah Dalam Dunia Marketing (translated: Marketing Terminology)

1. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Direct Marketing.
(translation) You saw a beautiful chick at a party... You approached her and then said, "I'm rich. Marry me!" That is called Direct Marketing.

2. Loe lagi di sebuah pesta sama temen2 gokil loe trus loe tiba2 liat ada cewe cakep banget.. Salah satu temen loe samperin tuh cewe sambil nunjuk ke loe dia ngmg, 'Dia orang kaya, nikah ama dia yah!' Itu namanya Advertising.
(translation) You were in a party with your dorky friends when suddenly you saw this very cute chick. One of your friends approached the girl and pointed finger at you while saying, "He's loaded, marry him!" That is called Advertising.

3. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus minta nomor HP-nya.. besokannya loe telpon dia trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Telemarketing.
(translation) You saw a pretty chick at a party. You approached her and asked for her mobile. The next day you rang her up and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" That is called Telemarketing.

4. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe rapihin dasi gembel loe, loe tuangin minum buat dia, bukain pintu buat dia, bawain barang2nya, trus sambil loe anterin pulang loe ngomong, 'btw gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Public Relations.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party; straightening up your ugly tie, you poured a drink for her, opened the door for her, carried her stuff, and while you're driving her home, you blurted, "By the way, am rich. Marry me!" That is called Public Relations.

5. Loe liat cewek cantik di sebuah pesta.. Dia nyamperin loe trus ngmg, 'Loe orang kaya kan, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Brand Recognition. (translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... She sauntered to you and said, "I heard you're loaded... Marry me, K?" That is called Brand Recognition.

6. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' trus loe dapet gamparan pedes dari dia.. Itu namanya Customer Feedback.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party. You approached her and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" then she slapped you hard. That is called Customer Feedback.

7. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' trus dia kenalin loe ke suaminya.. Itu namanya Demand and Supply Gap.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you approached her and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" then she introduced you to her husband. That is called Demand and Supply Gap.

8. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin tp blom juga loe sempet ngmg apa2, ada cowo laen dateng trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' .. Itu namanya Marketing Competition.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you're approaching her, but before you managed to utter a word, there's another dude cut the line and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" That is called Marketing Competition.

9. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin tp blom juga loe sempet ngmg apa2, ada cowo laen dateng trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' dan tuh cewe cabut pergi ma itu cowo.. Itu namanya Losing Market Share.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you're approaching her, but before you managed to utter a word, there's another dude cut the line and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" and she bounced with him... That is called Losing Market Share.

10. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin tp blom juga loe sempet ngmg 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' .. tiba2 istri loe nongol..!! Itu namanya Barrier To New Market Entry.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you approached her, but before you managed to utter, "I'm rich, marry me!" all of the sudden your wife appeared!! That is called Barrier to New Market Entry.

Lead me to the Cross

2008-10-13T10:43:00.006+08:00

The messages these past few weeks at church really has blessed me. Especially yesterday when Pastor Jo had mentioned that we need to screen who do we want to listen to. The misleading power of suggestion that only bring you down, hopeless, frustrated and fearful are not the right message that God wants you to hear. You will be like a stunted plant, that can't grow to be as big as your potential and before you know it, you're missing out on the great things that been laid out for you just because you believe in a sliver of a lie.

Now I always thought that following the Lord, carrying the cross is a terrifying thing. Well you can think that and actually experience the pain and the suffering of the cross. But is that what God would like you to be? Suffering? As I remembered not everybody is called to be a martyr. Even a martyr faced his early doom as a part of a joy of knowing that they will be back home sooner than later, hence their courage to press on. It doesn't mean that you need to be martyr to be a Christian, because as Pastor Jeff (I think), said, that gift can only be used once, while other such as showing kindness, charity, etc. are continuous. So what's your giftings? God know you better than you know yourself. He knows your strength and weaknesses and how to applied them for His glory. Something that you may think is your strength may not be what God has in mind for you. And in all things, He still managed to laugh at your antics.

I believe that God know our limits and boundaries. Hey, as I mentioned in my previous post, I'm a creature of comfort. I can be comparable to a house cat (maybe even a plump, ginger colored tabby, hehe). And in all things God gave me avenues to really try and to be hands on in His projects. As of now, I know that God wants me to use my voice to bless people. But He also is still faithful to me in regard on touching other people's lives. Every time I lost out on a soul, I felt that I failed Him. And yet, he kept opening doors to another one, as though trying to tell me that it's not my fault. And I pray that all any little seeds that I manage to plant (or more likely... throw) can bud into a larger tree of faith.

I just read a message today speaking about the joy of being with our fellow Christian. It says, " I'm sure you have your own stories about meeting fellow brothers and sisters in Christ along life's road, sensing that eternal bond, and coming away with uplifted spirits. It's something that I cherish about being a part of the body of Christ." Have you felt that way when you meet random people that happen to be a Christian and you two strike a conversation, and for some reason you felt as though you just flow nicely with them? That's why sometimes, and please pardon me... I don't really like hanging out with Non Christian, because I felt their 'hopelessness', no matter how chirpy they are with their life. I sensed their 'emptiness', and I don't like the feeling of it. I know I shouldn't do that, but again God didn't give up on me, by sending me the backsliders. Funny that way. The ones that was not deeply rooted and hurt in the process. So it's a half baked people, that still have a sense of God's light but chose to meander from it. I think I can still speak their lingo. Another part of the chapter that I read was this sentence, "Does my life indicate that Jesus loves (the world) as much as God loves Jesus?"

Within that same chapter, aside from the author talking about the joy to be around our fellow brother and sister, she also put down John 17:23, which lead me to read the whole chapter by itself. And I could not help but teared up when I started reading the title: Jesus prays for all believers (NIV). Now if you noticed, this chapter was during his tumultuous struggle to continue on with what God has in store for Him. The cross. He was in Gethsemane, soon to be captured to be crucified. And yet He had time to think about us, in present time, that we may enjoy life on earth that He didn't have, the lives that God bless us with and the eternal union with Him later when it's time for us to go home.

"My (Jesus) prayer is not for them (the disciples) alone. I pray also for those who will believe in Me through their (the disciples) message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as You are in Me and I am in You. May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. I have given them the glory that You gave Me, that they may be one as We are one. I brought complete unity to let the world know that You sent Me and have loved them even as You have loved Me. Father, I want those you have given Me to be with Me where I am, and to see My glory, the glory You have given Me because You loved Me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know You, I know You and they know that You have sent Me. I have made You known to them, and will continue to make You known in order that the love You have for Me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." John 17: 20 - 26.

Have a great and blessed week ahead! Do enjoy the music video below. (Ahem... perhaps I can sing this at church too, hehehehe)

God bless you!

Where the heart is

2008-10-02T23:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, as we rested at the end of the day, we chatted. Jon had told me several times that bedtime at night is his favorite time of the day since we can just relax and talk until we drifted to sleep. Last night was no exception. But he made a remark that made me think even until today.

For the past two days, I screened two of my favorite chick flicks to him. And especially after watching “Babel”, I really need to see something lighthearted. Man! That movie was really depressing. So he got to see “Where The Heart Is” and “Love Actually” with me. Although I can tell for the first few moments, especially for “Where The Heart Is”, was kind of slow for him judging from his many comments during the show. But he managed to enjoy the shows, or at least pretended to enjoy them. He learned the meaning of “fornication” more vividly than before and by watching “Love Actually” he tries to come up with an "epiphany". Funny guy.

Then he summarized both his movie experiences. It seemed to him the movie portrayed American girls as brainless. I thought that was beside the point. It's all about the heart. But then his next sentence really gnawed at me.

“American girls are so stupid, huh? Just like my wife…” but before I managed to smack him, he added, “...to end up marrying a guy like me…” I was at loss for words. He was not facing me when he said those words and somewhat in the trance of slumber. What kind of statement was that? I told him that it was a sad statement, and when he asked me why, I couldn’t answer. It’s just too broad. Why would he just randomly said those word?

I marvelled at those sentence, because I could not even imagine my life without him. We are not the richest financially, but we do get by, and quite well also, plus his heart for God is also one of the things that I am grateful of each day (Dear Lord, please don't ask us for missions, tho :P. I am not the Safari type). He likes to make me laugh and patient toward my mood swings. He is God's blessing for me in a lot of ways.

I always thought there were elements of truth in every joke and this time joking or not, there’s a certain pinch I felt as his words opened both negative and positive connotations. Perhaps he gathered all this simple sentence to convey his feelings as a reaction, perhaps, to the things that I said, although I never meant any harm and it's just for the sake of chattering. Or perhaps it reflected from my attitude, which was not judgment of who he is as a person, but merely because I was not feeling my best. I tried not to read too much into it.

And as the lights out, I hugged him and I verbally thanked the Lord for the love of my life. He sleepily chimed in. Ditto...

Creature of Comfort is looking for Utopia

2008-09-26T13:02:00.004+08:00

As I ponder into a lot of things that’s happening lately, I can’t even begin to think what would I do if I don’t have Christ in my life. Truthfully, I’m a “worry-er”, not a warrior, as I would like to be. I have to admit, I am still worried, although I know that in God everything is OK. I think that’s my weakness. My faith is not as big as mustard seed (I almost typed sesame seed, hehehe), but I believe that even a microbe can grow into something of a big pandemic; pardon the bad analogy. I guess, I have to conquer my fear of the unknown. Especially in this time of uncertainty.

It’s a volatile time. It’s the end of time. I just called my aunt in US today. She said that the economy really was not doing too well and she witnessed first hand that housing prices had gone down so low, and some of the developers had to claim bankruptcy due to nobody can pay or buy the housing complex that they built. The rows of beautiful Americana suburban became a ghost town, being replaced by unkempt tall grasses, moth and dust. The face of the news always emboldened the negative headliner that saying, pretty much, brace up for recession. One of our accounts was affected as Washington Mutual went up for sale. Good thing it’s not a major account that was parked in there. All is taken care of.

As some of you might already know, I already started putting my resume back up online, hoping for a better opportunity out there. I already even tol my colleague, and she also said that if I do find better opportunity, I better make my move.

I became more and more restless. I am a creature of comfort. Mixed that with an idealist and creative personality (meaning: can’t take criticism well). I feel like I’m having a bad mix in my gene. I felt I don’t suit well in the working world. But I have to be able to support myself. And I’m losing my grip in my workplace. As of now, it may not be the most stressful place to work in (I can post blogs within the same week, duh?), because all the clients are sated and got nothing to give us. I’m just worried when that wave of works started pouring in and most likely I don’t really know what to do. So many people would like to assume the job and yet telling me that I’m the project manager. Without any solid direction, I found myself becoming redundant and lost. I have to report to my boss’ boss (since my boss quitted), but now, it seems that she’s expecting me to come up with something, even if there’s nothing to report. I don’t know why would that be important. I guess, I don’t really have a good “chemistry” with her or something and with the whole no solid direction as whom I should be answering to, or who is the leading project manager in a lot of things, I became more and more stressed. I stuck in the middle of a lot of ding-dong-ings and sometimes bad decisions by either my ‘seniors’ or clients, and never a solid yes or no. And yet when I made my decision on certain things, it may not be the right thing. I don’t like negotiation, I guess. And I don’t like being kept in the confusion. I’m tired to the point of being tired of people. These people don’t really know what they want, and how am I suppose to know what do you want? I have other interesting things to do (at least for me) than to just baby-sit these people. But babysitting pays, and my interests don’t. Such a life.

Sometimes I wonder if working makes people sour. You got sucked in by all these ridiculousness of other people’s trash and before you know it, you are just another lost soul. Embittered and hopeless.

Through it all, though… I heard a comment of encouragement from my aunt, as I talked to her on the phone few days ago. She told me that unlike my mom, my sis or even the rest of my mom’s clan (which I’m closest and grew up with), I am the gutsiest. I would go out there show my face to the world and took the challenges, and come what may. I went to job interviews, get a real job. Although, I found it laughable when I can’t even be satisfied and holding on to a job for longer than one year. And then again, all of my relatives are housewives. I grew up within that perception and I’m by no mean ambitious, or at least I’m not the corporate ladder climber type. I’m the type that likes to walk straight from sunshine to sunset and smelling the roses as I go along. I told my aunt, that perhaps I’m the one that usually don’t really think, I just go head first, consequences later. I’m a person that thinks with my heart and not my head, so there you go. So when things get awry, people just gone nasty or boring with me, or when people trying to say that business is not personal, well, dude it doesn’t work like that with me. Everything is personal. I built relationships only to be messed up by my teammates and I lost my credibility to both my client and boss (especially when ‘boss’ forgot when I didn’t have any contribution to the fault). I got hurt in the process that as I visit my client, I have to put on a mentality that they will be snickering at me as I left their office. And I can't get mad by my team mates as well. Since they also became my friends too... *SIGH*

I would like to be optimistic to my upcoming new opportunity. I have to believe that I will stay for such a period of time, earning my living and at the same time not loosing myself. With God all things are possible.

I cried out of frustration the other day. I felt stifled. Stuck. I can’t even spread my own wings, because that doesn’t put money in the bank or bread on the table. I still need to chat with God to know why am I built this way. Why can’t I be more resilient and boring, so I can be neutral like the rest of these people. One think that made me glad that I’m not such is because that’s how I met my husband and not stuck to the commonality of society perception to settle down. But how I paid the price of waiting so long to do so. Hopefully finding what I would be with my life won’t take too long. Either that or pray to God to come and rapture both me and my husband, hehehe. Such a creature of comfort.

I know that the best is yet to come. Amen.

Weekday rambling

2008-09-24T16:13:00.005+08:00

Have you ever felt looking at a couple and you feel the warmth and coziness of having them together as a couple? I know it’s a bit weird, but that’s how I feel about looking at the celebrity couple, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gossling. Honestly, I’m not a fan of Ryan, but I do find Rachel to be charming. And I’m way pass all that starry-eyed teenager with fairy tale on her mind (but of course I have to confirm about this again, hehehe).

Their movie, “The Notebook”, although maybe not the sweetest love story for me, really struck that feeling of sweet melancholy. And now it seems that the image of them together forever stuck in my head, as that symbol of coziness. Makes me all soft and gooey inside.

Something that reminds me of the slow life on the Pacific Northwest, where summer sun was treasured, sweet smelling pine filled the air, and laughter on the backyard testified to another fun time of family gathering. No need for TV, when you have the loved ones, do some funny thing, or even just being their annoying self, while the other stoking the charcoal ready to grill the marinated barbecue meat. Chilled sodas and wine coolers being transferred out from the fridge and my beloved cats watching us while cozying for left-overs. Ah… those were the days. And to think that scanning over some tabloid pictures of a couple of celebs can create this mental image in my head.

Dude… I really need a break.

Be of good courage

2008-08-21T12:45:00.002+08:00

I'm hitting another milestone in my current job. This was one of the lowest moment working here, and it's taking a toll on me physically. My boss quit not too long ago and we already started feeling the brunt of it. His last moments at the office was noticeably lacking in spirit, and so when he announced his departure, I was the least surprise. For some reason when my colleague had an announcement about something of importance, I knew it. And soon after him another colleague of mine tender his resignation. Kinda expect that too. And the thing is, it enticed me to do the same thing.

I wrote this to one of my ex school mate, when she asked me what I've been up to... (there's some edit on her version, because FB didn't allow me to post my ranting that long, hehehe..

"Am working at an ad agency, managing accounts. Quite tiring. The good grace that I got, at least is that my clients are not as nasty as my colleague’s. But am still planning to pursue what I like the most, which is fashion… Once we’re more settled with things. Now, I have to bear with any job, and learning along the line. The ugly side of this rat race that am in now… I’m getting more and more tired with people.

Now I can appreciate those college times, when all I need to worry about is just learning and exams. Life was much simpler in Portland. And I feel like I don’t have enough time with my husband as I would like it to be, or even for myself. I can’t quit my job either, because living expenses in Singapore is very expensive. Both of us have to work full time. That’s why sometime I still wonder how would having a kid can account to our hectic lifestyle."

Amongst all these, I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to. But on another thought, why should I need anybody to talk to? Why can't I be like any other people who just swallow everything and forget about it? I thought I did my good effort to do my job, but there's always somebody else who would botched it. I started to get short term memory loss and I've started to have heartburn. When people said that I shouldn't be stress about things, I wish I can just do that. Jon told me that mistakes happen and I need to move on, but again I can't take it just like that... not when I still have to face the music from somewhere and once again my comfort and my feelings will be shattered. I'm so not made for these craps.

I envied my husband sometimes... He slept peacefully at night almost as soon as the lights out, while I have to be listless for awhile and felt that his snore is the reminder that I should be as gone as he is.

All I can do right now is be less care about things. Yeah, like I can do that. And contrary to the title of this post, I feel tired and light headed. I just need to remind myself that God is good and taking care of me. The funny thing about me, I only remember God in good times, but in bad times, I tend to use my own strength, and neglecting Him.

Oh well...

lookey likey

2008-07-19T11:59:00.006+08:00

Hmmm... just having some random thoughts of idleness. Before I married to Jon, I could never care less about soccer or how everybody else outside of US called it football. If I were a fan of any kind of sports, I would say it would be the basketball, especially during the heyday of Portland Trail Blazers... Sigh... Nevermind that.

So as an avid couch potato, indulging on hours of crystal tubing, I started to notice something. Jon is a big fan of Arsenal. While I was dating him, I only thought that the uniform of this team was ghastly. A bit on the tacky side and doesn't look cool, meandering to some poorly design school PE uniform. Then Jon start making me sit through to watch the game with him. I am free to do whatever I want, but just have to be by his side. And I always enjoying his nearness too, so it works. Once in a while, I would look up to see how the team was doing and how Jon's favorite, Cesc Fabregas, performed. For some reason, beside I thought that Fabregas was quite a handsome chap, he looked somewhat familiar. But I couldn't really pin point at the time, so I brush away the thought.

Until the season of "So you think you can dance" show started to air in Singapore. Then... Eureka! Wade Robson! I was a fan of N'Sync and during my FUBU# 5 jersey (I dug the black one! JC Chasez' fan, hehehehe) sporting days, I was down with Wade's dance moves. Though I looked more like a ragdoll in some bare midriff jersey trying to imitate anything that resembled Macarena craze.

So here it is from one lifetime to another... I thought Wade and Cesc can be brothers, Wade being 5 years older and about 16 cm taller, and the both have the ability to carry on a good show.

Check this out...

Simply New Year

2008-02-14T13:55:00.005+08:00

I didn't realize that I've been absent from this activity for more than a month. I thought I posted not too long ago. How time fly... Faster and faster... I was being reminded by Gary (thanks dude!) that I have not been updating. So here I am penning a thing or two.

So what happen to me lately?

I am one month old in my new company. Totally new experience from my previous one, aside from meeting the clients. I have to learn from scratch again. And am been feeling that my education has been somewhat a waste in this office. I feel so lost and useless sometimes. Yet, at the same time, as much as I want to help, I feel more like a nuisance rather than accommodating. Other than that, everything is cool. I come home later than my previous regular hours, but for some reason, you just don't feel it. And before you know it, Jon would start paging me asking me what time to pick me up... Oh, on the same note...

We bought a car! A 2005 Red Mitsubishi Cold Plus Sport (The term "Sport" is just to indicate that you got some extra fog light. Sometime I wonder if the car maker is short in inventing another cooler name rather than "Sport" to indicate that we got some extra lighting. If anybody can input me on this, hahahaha. Sport and fog light does not really gel on me). What attract me to the car the most was the automated trunk door. Me like cool gadget. Honestly when Jon first mention about getting a car, a small part of me was worried. Car in Singapore is ridiculously expensive, and we pretty much spend the same amount of money (if not more) on this car as my used E320 Mercedes back in US. But since it's only a small part of me was worried, the bigger part of me, scream, "Yay!" Hehehe... I'm so weak. Now, aside from Merz or Beamers, I don't really like sedan. Look oldie to me. I like the shape of Audi TT, The Mustang (yeah, baby!), or more sporty (fog lights or not, hehehe) look. Hence, the other car that was somewhat attracting me during the shopping around was Hyundai Tuscani, or as my cousin Jimmy would like to say, "A poor man's..." Porsche. Beside the rugged CRV type or the Merz M-Class, another type of car that I like would be the rounded butt or people here call it "hatchback" cars. And my car falls into this category. I love the Minis (Coopers) and Pikachu VW's Bug, so Honda Jazz/ Fit was quite attractive, until they showed me the back seat that can fold like a cheap IKEA plastic chair. And they just go by brand and charge you crazy amount of dollars. And still minus the automated trunk door. So when Jon introduced me to this car, I was hooked. And I was ready to settle for the silver color, until I saw the wine-red color. It renewed my love for red cars. My first dream or red car was dashed when I got my first car, the silver Buick (just in case you don't know what Buick is, it's under General Motor and totally an American car). Then come my second, the dark grey Merz and I thought I was mellowed. Don't get me wrong, I always appreciate what my parents got me :) But now for my current car... The most expensive car we ever bought (coz came from my own pocket)... I just have to have it. Red, cute and loud :P

And without realizing… today is Valentine’s Day. The day that I usually dreaded the most. I did not have high hopes of anything special today, but Jon surprise me with a dinner and a movie. (*Of course, by the time this blog is posted, all these things had happen, hence I can recount all the special things that happen at this day). Jon that I knew does not really appreciate giving flowers. When he dated me, only once he gave me flower. And it’s only one gangly stock of Lily. Yes, the Lily was huge and fragrant. And since, he bought flowers alright but they’re addressed to my mom. The lilies became my mom’s favorite now because Jon indulged her with them. (BTW, my mom never liked receiving flower until Jon started giving a bouquet for her). I learned with this habit that he likes Lily the most. His reason was practical, “smells nice!” He doesn’t really like roses. “Too common,” he said. So I was surprised when last Thanksgiving he bought me a bouquet of Lilies and even more pleasantly surprised when he got me a Sunflower bouquet today! Again he break the habit by changing flower on me. But with the choice of flower he said his message to me, “You are the sun in my life…” *Cue: Awww… I was on my way to deliver Valentine Cakes for Elaine’s clients, Jon took me to the bakery and help me carried the cakes to the client. And since it’s already close to 6pm, we went straight ahead to Great World city where my Valentine treat awaited. We ate dinner at Kenny Rogers and then proceed to our movie, a very romantic choice… “Jumper” *Cue Laughter. Hey at least he tried. (For some silly reason, there’s no romantic movie available). After a so-so movie, he let me know that the first plan was to dine at Al Dente and he already booked, but because I ended up early, we managed to catch dinner early. I know we didn’t get to go to Al Dente, but just the thought that he actually booked the place for us, is just too sweet for me.

And the honeymoon continues…

The Christmas Message

2007-12-28T11:39:00.000+08:00

I heard from my relatives in Portland that it snowed on Christmas Day. How I miss the serenity of snow and the feel of comfortable slumber of the season. The difference at this time is just that I have my husband to snuggle with and as the song "I'll be home for Christmas" played in the background, we can only reminisce the cool air amidst of our air-conditioned room. Christmas away from home did not feel as bad anymore because I have Jon with me.

For our Christmas party, we invited our caregroup friends and several guests to join our merriment. And what a blast it was. We were all having a good time and a few extra pounds on our belly. And I like what my husband wrote to the Caregroup on his e-mail:

Hi Everyone,

Still having hung over from our Christmas party? Here’s something to warm our hearts. Hung (Dee’s colleague) SMS-ed me after the party:

“Dear John & Anne, honestly this is the most wonderful Xmas get together ever. Really appreciate ur hospitality and kindess. Merry Xmas. God bless your family. Hung & Hieu.”

I hope Irene also enjoyed herself. Brett wanna feedback?

I think it’s a very cozy get-together and I hope everyone enjoyed it. Frankly this is a party with many thoughts in my mind:

Synergy: I have managed to pull together individuals like Michelle, Patrick, Junda and my dear wife who do not have many experiences in organizing CG activities in and they have done a very sweet job. Would like to thank God for their serving hearts! Except Peishan, who came out with 5 out of 6 witty questions for the “Know Your Partner” quiz, could not make it last minute due to bad flu… (Hey with her spirit with us, we have exactly 17 people in our party! A number I initially prayed to the Lord!)

Bonding: To let the “Single & Available” in our CG feel “part of it” even though there are many couples in the CG. Yes, we have to identify this trend in our CG, and face it as a whole group. Though 2 become 1, but all of us form 1 body. In fact as singles, it’s even easier to function when you are single because there is more flexibility and freedom to serve God. Trust me, God blesses people who serve!!! I can boast it and claim it because when I focus on serving Jesus, the Lord blesses me with a business, a noble wife and a house at Boon Tiong to bless more people. So folks, please do not stop serving our wonderful Lord, whether singles or attached!

Trusting in the Lord: Anne and I actually really put our trust unto the Lord for this party. We do not have any theme about it but just “REST” unto God’s providence. Here are some of the things that happen if you set aside time to “REST” unto God:

We managed to come across the door gifts idea regarding the Christmas Gloves while shopping at Plaza Singapura
Finding the caterer’s (Deli Hub) brochure in my company mailbox and trusting the Lord that the food would turn up nice
Candies ideas while shopping around Vivocity
Bookmark with messages while shopping around Bras Basah
Christmas decoration ideas while shopping around at Takashimaya
Party ideas while watching TV at home (Party Planner with David Tutera in Discovery Travel and Living)
Alvin presenting his Christmas Tree with ornaments to us
Sakae Sushi finding my home mailbox 5 days before the party
Idea for Fondue while shopping at Tangs
Neighbour to provide me with 5 black stools
My parents to provide me with 6 red stools
Finding the perfect gift for Gift Exchange at Tangs
Holy Spirit to make our house cozy
The message about “IDENTITY” from the Lord. Though its very brief, I tried my best, folks… =P
And last but not least the symbolic meaning of Christmas Wreath and 5 Candles while googling for “Facts about Christmas”.
Anyway, for accounting purposes, here’s the overall Love Offering I got:
Dee: $100
Albert: $50

I’m pleased to announce that offerings are now officially closed. Anne and I would not accept anymore offerings for the party. For those who felt loved and would like to bless, sorry to inform you that you have to wait at least 1 year to do so. It’s not too long because I waited 3 years for an opportunity to organize a Christmas Party on the behalf of our Lord Jesus to bless others. Here’s the process:
When Anne accepted my proposal on last year Christmas Eve, I know the dream of organizing a Christmas Party to declare my love for Jesus would be soon.
When God blesses me with this house early this year, I know the opportunity to bless others is coming.
When Dee posted this question of organizing a Christmas Party during the CG few weeks ago, I tell myself “That’s it!” Thank God for that!
Okay… any more thanksgiving would have to wait till this Friday CG. I pray that Peishan would be healthy soon. I pray that Edmond would recover and discharge from Changi General Hospital asap. I pray Gene would have a good time of cuddling with her family back in South Africa and return with LOVE that can last her till the next family re-union.

May year 2008 be a swelling year for each one of us!

Cheers
Jon

If you would like to take a look at some more of our photos that fun night, you can visit my photobucket.

Have a wonderful Rest and a great Season!

God bless everyone!

Curtain Call

2007-12-07T11:52:00.001+08:00

As the year 2007 is closing to an end, another chapter in my life is about to be closed. I would like to count all the blessings than heartaches that I received this year.

One: My wonderful marriage with my beloved Jon.

I thought today was a great time to express it, because at the same time today is our 5th months anniversary. Yes, we are still brand new married couple and our honeymoon is blessedly prolonged. Last month when we hit our fourth, Jon told me that I should've reminded him about it and because I didn't, we missed it. So I messaged him today reminding him of our bond together. Yesterday was not really a good moment for the both of us. It started wonderful, but as the burden of our job claiming our sense of peace our exchanges became shorter and ebbing. The good thing was it lasted only for a short while and we traded our "I love yous" soon after. I enjoyed listening to him reading the Bible to me at night. Beat watching late night TV all the way. The way Jon read was quite theatrical, sometime I'm amazed that he still got all that energy even that late in the night. He always made me smile with his antics

Two: My daily miracles.

All the good things that happen in my life, is not a coincidences. One of them is of course, my upcoming new job. As I was applying for a better opportunity, the response is few and slow. Sometimes I wonder if my resume was really that bad, or I don't know what. I hardly got a phone call from a good decent company and so I was getting more hopeless each day I didn'treceive that solid phone call. So one day, I receive one call for interview for this small ad agency. This company was not even my focus to begin with as I was looking toward banking. But I entertained the call and went for the interview anyway. One thing... Although I was having high hopes and dream about working for advertising, the dream soon dousing off, after none offered to me. And so, I was quite surprised that this company called me back even with my lack of experiences, to say the least. The interview went well and the interviewer even sounded a hint that I'm on my way to become their next employee. Another note, when he first called me on the phone for the interview, he stated to me," You're not a creative person, are you?" My answer was, "It depends on what constitute creative..." So at the interview, I asked him, "why did you say that I was not creative?" He said, "I was looking at another resume." Sometime I still wonder if I was not even considered to begin with. But that would prove even better, that God helped me. On the way out, I met with Elaine. She was the next interview candidate. What a small world. Perhaps God decided to bless us both. I was quite excited for the prospect to work for this ad agency. But of course there's the part whether or not this is the right one, etc. So I prayed for a guidance, that is if Elaine is accepted that means it the job for me too, because at the moment this company is looking for 2 persons to work for them. Elaine got the job first. And soon after they called me back for a second interview and at the end of it, I was offered the job with a pay that's quite decent. Not as much as I wanted, but pretty much 1.5x my current pay. That was the big one, but the small events such as big orders, nice people on my paths and random taxis when there seemed to be hopeless keep on popping up to me.

At the moment I have not resign yet. I am still waiting for the bonus that is rightly mine. I know it's kind of inappropriate to resign right after receiving the bonus, but at least I'm not faking that I am in the business of receiving money. And I know another miracle is coming :)

anne cann cook

2007-11-16T13:12:00.000+08:00

I was just recalling some of my moments when I was younger and couldn't help at how far along I've changed. Especially at cooking.

I was never a fan of cooking when I was younger and whenever I dabble in the kitchen was just because I would like to please my grandmother (who's a very good cook) and mock my mom (who isn't). Everytime there's a good result at "Upside Down Cake" (that's the actual name by the way), my grandma would praise me and boasted it to my mom. I was about 10 then, but even then I knew that my grandma was just trying to make me feel good. And even then I knew that it's only a trick. Hello... my job was only to put the pineapple on the batch and let it simmer. As gullible as I was, I still knew that it was a miniscule task from the real cake baking process. But I felt good anyway. I can't remember how to make it now... Perhaps it's time to ask my grandma again and this time I will attempt it myself.

As I grew older there's another incident where I have so semi show my prowess in the kitchen. Well with the help of McDonalds, to be precise. That time I was involved in this annual high school Valentine lunch. I was partnering with my buddy Rachel Gibbs and we're supposed to draw lot on who are we going to "double date". We got Scott Stricker and... I forgot who the other guy was. I think it was Jason Scheidler. The menu was one of my proud batch of egg fried rice. Now, I was not really considering that it's going to be in the morning and then plain ol' egg fried rice would be so boring and ugly looking without any meat. Hence the trick of buying chicken strips from faithful McD. I told Rachel to be in charge of the drinks. Now, I discounted the chance of McD having Chicken Strips for breakfast menu. So frantically and panically I tried to perfect my colorless fried rice. The menu managed to be presented to our "lucky" dates. But I wonder what would they think of it. I can only think back in embarassment. The good thing was that both Scott and Jason are wonderful gentlemen and they didn't show any disappointment toward our presentation. Believe me, our presentation was sad. Other had nachos or some other Mac and Cheese with coleslaw, other wonderful trimmings and decos. Some were of course either bought or their moms homemade menus. Me, in my attempt to show my limited culinary expertise, failed to remember that we also need embelishment in our presentation. I didn't manage my menus well. The next day it was our turn to be dined by the guys who picked our names from the hat. I just remember that they did well, I was full and entertained. Now the thing is, I couldn't even remember who our dates were. Not because they failed to entertained us, but because my embarassment from the previous day left a bigger imprint on my ego :P

A few months before I'm married to Jon, I attempted to cook for my family. For some reason my mom shouted her faith that I am a good cook. And so, encouraged by her affirmation, I strolled to the kitchen and started making my own lunch concoction. Again, I crashed and burned. At that time, my sister's boyfriend was also around and he's quite a culinary gem. He tasted my cooking and politely ate them in silent and my mom started making a fuss about how the food was a bit too salty. I tasted it and it seriously terrible. I told everybody to eat other things (luckily my dad bought quite a number of dishes from his trip to his bank). My youngest sister tried to show her loyalty to me by saying, "It's really good, sis. I can still eat this," and forcing herself to take more of my dish, although she scrapped bits and pieces to make it more edible.

And so as I entered my marriage, for some reason, I got a feeling that my hubby Jon is the kind that would like to be impressed in this particular department. And so with another attempt, I started my battle in the kitchen and started cooking for him. That first moment when I was done tasting my cooking, I was quite surprised that it's actually nice. And the moment my husband praises me for it, really makes my day. Now I can say that I quite know how to survive in the kitchen and became one of my destressing activities, no matter how tired I am. One dish after another, I saw the satisfaction from my husband and I felt very happy. I am still not a culinary expert, but for some reason, I like how my mom claims about me, "Anne got a 'tasty' hand..." (although I have not make any successful attempt at that moment). I managed to soothe my grandma's concern about me. She once complained to my mom and aunts, "That girl... Never helped in the kitchen... What would she feed her husband?"

Don't worry, grandma... Anne Can Cook... Now!

1 Kool Kat

2007-11-08T14:00:00.000+08:00

This blog is me exercising my simple gift of affirmation to my husband, Jon.

Once in awhile I would drop some message to Jon and vice versa. So this one time I was in the middle of some annoying stress time and I refuse to be sucked into this ridiculous manmade madness, hence I dropped Jon a simple love note. Just thanking him for being a wonderful husband. I sent him a Dayspring e-card... And then he replied me with another note.

Now I don't know if you know that I like cats. Jon doesn't. He always teased me by saying (and sometime goofing) some rude treatment towards the cats, whenever we saw one or when we're watching Animal planet.

So what made the e-card really special was that it featured 2 cartoon cats, sit on a picket fence; their backs are facing us. And the message: "Loving you is what I like to do" plus Philemon 1: 7a (NIV). The Ginger male cat was leaning to a smaller white cat and his tail was swaying as though comforting. The picture and the message were simple, but they really touched my heart. I was having a "Chesire" cat smile and warmth creeped into my heart. He adopted my love for cats, even for that moment, and really made my day. It's like he was hugging me the way the ginger cat was curling up to the white cat. Too bad I can't cut and paste the picture, and I took the picture using my camera phone, but so far, I still struggle to upload it to my computer. One of these days I will update this blog again with the picture.

I thanked Jon personally for that special e-card. Although he thought nothing about it, but he made an effort to find that cat e-card for me. But he did ask me if I read the e-card, though. I found the e-card a day later than his sending date.

But the point is just remember to let your loved ones know how much they're loved in whichever way you can, you never know how much that will brightens someone's day.

Mercy Mercy Me

2007-10-23T12:16:00.001+08:00

Today, am stranded at home again. To be honest, I didn't feel as lazy as any other days, but seriously, the lethargy and the pain on my head made me a lame excuse to miss another day of work. I exclaimed "urgent leave" to my boss, because I don't feel the need of paying homage to the company's doctor. Sometimes I wonder if I cut to work like a regular Singaporean. I know that for sure I haven't found my niche yet, and in the present market, I only saw a few openings that may fit me. And just like trying to apply to Harvard, only the chosen few deemed the position.

I feel sorry for my husband. He's really a hardworking man and trying to encourage me everyday. He also letting me know what to work on in my personal life, which I thought is way better than any scolding. I know that I need to leard to manage my time and schedule. I guess I missed that course in my time in Uni. Hahaha... I just know how to absorb knowledge but not really practicing it. Hmm... Should've taken Management courses to better myself, rather than learning Marketing. Something that I practically knew anyway. Maybe you should study something that you need to better yourself on rather than what you're interested at.

As I how I feel now, I have this insecurity and lower self esteem that plagued me with each day my phone not ringing for any offers of an interview. I am honest, and as much as I boast about myself, it has not caught the net yet. I also have any other insecurities such that I'm not good enough, etc., due to previous life. But I need to get over it and break away from all that holding me bondage. I'm moving on with what I thought is best and with the grace of God I know that I'm getting there.

I'm writing this blog as a statement of gratefulness also that I married the right man, someone that is opposite of me in many ways. For all within our new life together, I've been blessed and loved for who I am. Although I'm still having some restless thoughts about myself, I felt that I'm being 're-build'. I prayed that I can be a lot more blessing for him too. I tried to do as much as I can. And thanking God for each day I spent with him. For example, I studied more and had been a Christian longer than him, but he knows how to implement the Bible more than I. And the same as with the courses that I've studied in Uni. I'm knowledgeable perhaps, but he knows how to execute.

But most of all too... I missed of being able to sing again. Sometime the weigh of my mundane life outside from home is pulling me down. I use to think I'm a very extrovert person. I like to talk and be jovial. But lately the burden of having to deal with several uncharted territories, made myself unconsciously embittered, tired and withdrawn. Now, sometimes meeting certain people feel like a chore, a task that I have to perform and wishing that at the end of the day I didn't end up being either a stumbling block or a complaining lot.

In everything, though, I see God's grace keep following me everywhere. Like last Friday when I was dreading to meet this supposedly mean client. I dragged my feet to work and to her office. She was being told, on the day before, that she couldn't get what she wanted. And she had a bad reputation with all of my other colleagues and my previous meeting with her also confirmed it. I was telling God that I'm scared, but when I met with her, she was warm and even gave me an apple and offered me coffee. If that's not a miracle I don't know what that is. I have to write this one down, because it's just another miracles that I need to remember as I walk with Christ.

If you read my prologue to my blog... The lyric that I first heard through Michael English, the Christian singer, really touched me when I first heard it. Michael English is not a perfect example of how a Christian should behave. He backslidden here and there, but always keep on coming back to the grace that he was entitled. It gave me hope that I am not a hopeless case.

Now am staying at home, trying to be my best to become the housewife. Not that I'm complaining. I actually like it. I like to cook most of all too, and often the praise of my husband really make things worth it. I'm still working on to be that woman of Proverbs 31. Dude, trust me, it's hard. And my husband is helping me doing parts of it. Something that I'm semi lacking. For lacking of better words, hehehe...

Well... wishing you all a great day and may God's righteousness be upon you through Jesus Christ who strengthens you all!

"Optimist see a bagel, while Pessimist see a hole" - Anonymus

Fat Ol' Goliath

2007-10-20T21:17:00.001+08:00

I just couldn't resist to post this fat cat on my blog. So perhaps anytime I feel like cuddling a cat, I just imagine this one. This dude is soooooo cute. Especially with the small beady eyes due to the fatty eye lid, hahaha... Truly in the spirit of Garfield! Minus the ginger fur. And to think that this news is from The Oregonian... Home sweet home!

Katrina Syndrome

2007-08-29T16:55:00.000+08:00

I was just browsing the MSN homepage when I noticed their scrolling flash regarding the aftermath of Katrina... 2 years later. (Can't you tell that I'm just a sucker for commercialism? Any moving thing, I just click, hehehe) Anyway, I just looked at all the before and after picture. Unlike those slimming ads or the makeover ad, I saw grimmer pictures. The nice houses or buildings, most were never recovered, it became a bare dry land and only a couple, I think, that really rebuild and make the new buildings better than before. It speaks volume to me, how some people are still mourning or in their melancholic state. That and perhaps no money.

Claiming Favor

2007-08-27T14:51:00.000+08:00

It's Monday again. Although a part of me still need to be dragged to move, at least my mood was not as bad. Aside from the slow business at least God blessed me with 2 new appointments for tomorrow. I guess it's true you have to claim God's favor everyday. My current boss said that usually from 10 cold calls that you make, most likely that you will get none. Well today, from the 3 I made just now, I got 1 1/2... the half part is because this client may want to see us again to clinch a deal with us, but he was too busy and I have to call him up to remind him. Hehehe. At least he didn't cancel, right?

Yesterday I listened to a great sermon about facing your day. Know how to live your life at rest. Too much relying on your self is not good. You got to rely more on God and actually believe that He will come through for you. I know it's kind of lame to have to be reminded everyday that His provision is always sufficient, but sometimes facing the dour faces of the people around me makes me remember that we're still attached to the sucky world.

I went to a job interview last Wednesday. I still have my current job, but I think the more I stayed here the more I know that this is not what I wanted. Sometimes I wonder if there's such a thing that really fits me best. But I guess there are lots of jobs out there yet to be ventured so why not. Now, the message yesterday really speak to me about when God didn't open the door, that means it's not for you. The best one is yet to come, although you thought that it may be the one that you need to take on. The result from my interview was not revealed yet. The lady... I think her name is Catherine, told me that she might give me a call either "Friday or next week..." Friday passed with no call. But the "next" week has just started. For some reason I was happy after the interview last Wednesday. It's quite a short one, but for some reason I thought I did good. But no matter what, God will provide. I just need to believe more in Him and also myself.

Some of the funny things also the fact that some of my clients are also offering their job openings to me too. Am not being headhunted... not yet at least :P, but they let me know that there is an opening, or just asked me to try their offices. Some clients are just nice :)

Also I learn more to be more sensitive to God's voice. He can use the simplest and mundane things to let us know that He is in control. Great thing is that Jon is starting to experience those sort of things also. For example... Mid August, around my birthday time, I became unwell and I'm having a hard time focusing on my job (you can count this one also, hehehe). My head was woozy most of the time and I became absent minded. As much as I would like to try my ability to multi task, the other part of the details start to fall apart. It's like trying to scoop water and trying not to spill any. It's doable, but again my hand is small. If you get my gist. On that Thusday after the hiccup on my project, that's not my faulty, I left the office, heading to Takashimaya to pick up certain items for my client. As I entered the taxi, my cellphone battery beeped. It's dying. Not even a single bar on the phone battery. As the journey was close to approach my destination, there's a still small voice talking to me... "Check your wallet..." I did. And I panicked when I noticed that my wallet is nowhere to be found. And I couldn't even remember whether I took it out from the bag. Again the voice said, "Call home..." I used my last energy on my cellphone to call home and good thing was my family is around to help bailing me from the taxi bill. I went home rather than go to Takashimaya. Later on my mom took me there and help me gather item for my client.

The next day. The weather was really bad. It was raining and I have to carry 2 large frames to my customer's place. Jon gave me some money for cab, because I have to meet with my client first before going to office. This time the attack was targeting my handphone. Not that I forgot to bring them, as I was carrying out my duty, the phone drop from my pants and inside the taxi cab without me realizing. My client was late, but again, there's a nudge... "Call your client..." And because of it I realized that my phone was not with me. I tracked down the taxi and later got my phone back safely. As much as I want to claim stress for the day, I got myself some adrenaline rush to perk myself up. And proving God was actually going to work with me. I told my experiences to my colleagues, who are non Christians. I didn't even quote God in my story. One of them saying, "There must be an angel looking out for you." With the remark, I became a bit bold and actually admit it. Yes, there's an angel sent for me. Thank God.

My TMI index of the day

2007-07-24T11:56:00.000+08:00

Just in case you guys are wondering what it TMI, it stands for Too Much Information. I've been reminded and reprimanded because my TMI index is just too much. See... by telling it like it is even in this blog is a proof of my TMI index. Sometimes you can just write anything in the blog, thinking that nobody will read you anyway and in a sense there's that double feeling that you can share your heart with somebody. But then this whole phenomena becomes another paradox of commoner's tabloid journalism. You're free to pour your heart out, but at the same time, you're not that free. Unless if you don't plan to live with another human being. A lot of things are better left unsaid... Really tough for me, hehehe. But I thought I'm not that bad.

So here again I will be keeping my story at arm's length. Can't really pour my heart out, because it may have some Butterfly Effect somewhere. I've taken down some of my blogs... I must say some of them for my own goods too. So there. You won't know how I really feel like anymore. This blog will become a Disneyland of sorts. All nice and chirpy with bluebirds singing on my shoulders.

But here's a short story for today. I hope it can be a blessing...
I've been dragging myself at work lately. Due to lesser and lesser things that interest me here, too many pestering and nagging to handle. But other than that everything is great. I guess, I can't work with my own pace in this town. So here I was taking orders and processing it. I was happy to have closed a deal that at least will generate some bucks to this very slow month (TMI alert: Just so you know, everything else in my life is great except work, hehehe. I got great husband, great house and great family of God surrounding me). I managed to deliver and everything was like clock work until later at dinner time, my client asked me to cancel the order and told me to pick up the items, because her boss don't like it. Good thing that I don't work for Nordstrom or that will be the end of it. I only heard her through the message that she left me. I was again back in my depressed mode. My slow month just getting dead slow. I didn't call her back until this morning. I'd rather spent my night doing groceries with my sis and forget all about work. I don't live to work anyway.

But this is the better part that I guess I have to keep reminding myself that God is good. Yes she cancelled her order and asked me to picked up the left over. But she ended up order a more expensive item to cover what she had returned. It ends up I gained more. Everything works for the best to those who believes in Him.

I hope you enjoy my TMI of the day. I have to go back to the real world and to my wonderful clients and bosses.

Just Elated...

2007-06-21T15:05:00.000+08:00

Hola peeps...

I'm at my office right now, typing on my blog because I got nothing better to do. My predecessor made a huge pricing mess that now I couldn't handle. Got to wait for my superiors to come back from their meetings, so here I am relaxing. I'm still not a cold caller, so be glad that you out there don't receive a courtesy call from me on behalf of my company or my company, hehehe. If you're confuse, it's OK. I'm woozy right now, so perhaps I sounded a bit... off.

Anyway, I'm becoming a big fan of IKEA right now (don't I ever?, hehehe) bought most of my new house knick knack from that store.As Jon said, IKEA is like an addiction (to me). So I was telling my colleagues, for all their future present for my house warming, give me a gift card from IKEA and I'll be a happy camper. Must admit that I was IKEA deprived in my previous life, hehehehe (meaning when I stayed in US, folks). And now I got another itch for somewhat budget-related-cute-store, DAISO. Yup, I'm all about cute boxes/ packaging. But still prefer a gift card format, no matter what. Because as I started to live in my brand new spanking cutesy shoebox of a flat, I have to think twice before I want to buy anything. Not just for budgeting sake, but also for limitation on space luxury. So... don't want to be rude, but now I prefer to get gift certificate. Easier to keep and manageable to spend, hehehehe. And if I don't like the item will be my own mistake and not (the giver).

Another thing that I want to comment is that my invitation recipients may grew larger. It becomes somewhat an Indonesian wedding (meaning: you invite people that you don't know, just because they know your parents or relatives). Yup, one of my uncles told some of my dad's biz liaisons that cest moi is getting hitched. Hey, the more the merrier I suppose. Ooompaa!!! Note to self: get over your stage fright after 2 years of hiatus from the theatre...

OK got to check with my designer now before I go blabber happy...

Dear blog...

2007-05-14T23:00:00.000+08:00

I really do need to learn how to see that God's blessings are so much more than my troubles. But I guess, I tend to dwell on the bad things to see the good things. Haiz...

For example... And please don't laugh. I got my very first credit card. Ain't it dorky? For as long as I grew up in States, although the offer were tons and the deal was so much better than Singapore (for example a tudent card... don't really have to have any income to open the basic one, and this is a Citibank card) I never have the need or the thought to have one. My family kind of stressing on me to stay clear of debt through credit card and it's good in a way. But some of the ugly side effect, I couldn't make a big purchase, because I ain't got credit history. I rely on my debit card too much.

So in Singapore there's this ugly yellow and red (reminded me of McD's color)NETS card that somewhat almost cover the same basis as debit card, but not as flexible. So I was surprisingly elated when Jon signed up for the credit card and as his better half, I got the better half, hehehe... Just kidding. Seriously though, the card's function may only be as decoration to my wallet. So yup... My very first credit card.

Another thing... I fell in front of an escalator in Newton MRT. My sandal got caught in the groove of the uneven metal groove, so I tripped and fall. My left knee got skinned and hence I was wearing bandages for almost 2 weeks already. Good thing I don't need stitches. Patching the wound with gauze is already painful enough.

Now since I can't wear any heels to work due to my wobbly knee... to prevent any other dangerous silly catastrophe... I wore my sandals to work; the very sandals that brought the calamity. And since it's a flat pair, I couldn't wear my 'corporate' looking gear a.k.a shirt and pants. Cause the hem of the pants will cause another thing to worry about. So I've been wearing my skirt which showed my injured leg. Of course the sight caused my colleagues to ask the reason behind it, but on the plus side, my clients become more sympathetic. I thought I was milking the situation, until I noticed that basically most people that saw my bandaged knee became enraptured at the sight as though they never see a wounded knee before. Seriously. Some turned their heads just to focus on it and some even asked question about what happen. Hmm... It's just getting creepy. I mean if people that I know asked me what happen, I would answer. To strangers... Just simple word... I fell. Weird. And then more than half a dozen people teased me that I got tripped because I saw a cute guy. Yeah, I wish that's the case. At least, there's some reciprocity going on. But nope. Not even a soul was in front of me when I fell. The good thing about this... When I fell, I was at a safe distant from the moving escalator. Close enough, but not that close. Praise God indeed. But the whole experience was kinda 'different' in a way. I don't remember people staring at me in US, even when I was limping with crutches when I badly sprained my ankle... complete with a US Navy Haloween costume. Dude, even the bandages were bigger then, hahaha.

would you be looking at this?

OK that's it for now... Got to go zzzzz...

Late Submission

2007-05-07T10:59:00.000+08:00

Hehehe... I supposedly have tons to say, since I'm kind of free at the moment. Well, my job would be to look for more client over the phone, but as much as I want to say that I'm not that introvert, I'm not as extrovert either. I guess if the character chart can describe me I'm a mix of Sanguine and Melancholy and a bit of temperamental like the other one, choleric (I think my character is a jumble within the Four Humours). In short... I'm confused.

Yep, I'm back in the blog bandwagon, since I realized that I got a reader... At least one. So got to please my sole reader with my entry :P (Thanks for reading Yu :P)

Kind of getting tired and bored with the job that I have right now, but don't really have the luxury to move to another. My job has the leniency of free times, due to doing sales roaming around Singapore, but, in the deepest heart of mine, it's not my job either. And this job is not really a climbing the corporate ladder job. Not that I dream to be a president, but this job offers you stagnancy. And everyday the creative side in me is suffering. Now, I'm more and more realized that Marketing and Sales are very different. Tho in the same time almost similar. I'm into tracking trends and perhaps consultation, but I can't do hard sell. Dude, I can't even bargain for my own good. For example, during our furniture shopping, I let my husband-to-be, Jon, to squeeze the price until, I was the one cringing at his offer. But I thought that it's good that at least he's quite aggressive that way. So we can save money.

Yesterday as I was eating lunch with my colleague at the compound's cafeteria, I heard this suited guy talked to his colleagues like no body's business. He was talking about changing his job. Looking at his suit and tie and the company that he's with (a Caucasian lady and another suited gentleman), I thought he wouldn't have anything to complain about his job. He said that if he would like to change job, it's going to be hard to find another one, because none really available. Although the government said the job market is getting bigger, but the truth is once you leave a job, then that's it for you. Hmmm... So I was not the only one that think that way, hehehe... I think the government tries to keep the morale of the public high by saying so. Yes, perhaps the job market is getting bigger... But what kind of a job? I get to know this girl who worked for my previous company. She was misjudging the job that she used to have for the current one (my ex-company). Which was more hellish. The thing was, she was aiming for a more flexible hours and not only that she didn't get the flexible hours (due to false pretenses) but she also got a lower paycheck, lower station and a terrible position. Don't want to be the skeptical phlegmatic, but is there such a thing as an ideal job? Yup... in search of Utopia.

Back about my job. I can't complain much, because in this job, there's not much to do either, although I felt weird that with all the free time that I have I don't really have any free time to do what I usually do also. This job is almost the same like Customer Service, and sometimes the 'Happy' disposition in me got chipped away every time I hear the customers' complaint... may it be price negotiation or just plain complaining about the product or dealing with unreasonable people. Although everybody said that things are just business and not personal... well, can't perceive it that way. Since when things are never personal? You are dealing with people and not some pole. See... person-al... dealing with people... are business dealing with machine?

And the thing is I become more forgetful... Stress... Due to what, I don't know... See? I'm stress until I don't know what I'm stressing about. And it's not because of Jon, OK? If I may say, we hardly going out on date anymore (unless if you count our date with the furniture :P). So if you think that all we do is just hang out and have fun... I wish that's the case. Perhaps this whole wedding prep and housing also sapped up all my energy too. And sometimes I feel bad for Jon, because he's been doing a lot for this prep and still have energy. Bless his heart... My knight is fighting for my happiness :) As he said so himself in one of our CG meeting that he's a "diamond"... and continuously said that he's girls' best friend... which invited the scorn from our CG brothers... should be "the girl's" best friend, and truthfully I was not too happy hearing his comment... but I realize he's more like diamond in the rough. He has a good heart and like to serve. And I pray that we both can grow up together in Christ and be the best couple we would like to be.

OK I think got to end this chit chat for now. Got to go back to work... Hehehehe

The Daily Bread Connection

2007-03-09T13:30:00.000+08:00

I must admit, that I was slackening lately. I realized more and more that I really got to learn how to manage my time. As busy as I was in this job, as I said before, it’s not as heavy as before. And yet, the cycle continues. My mind is cluttered with other people's souls and with it, God’s voice becomes dimmer and dimmer.

Last Sunday, as I was getting ready to go to church, the drama of my business life drew clouds on the sunny day. I was running late per usual, and I thought perhaps, my dad would be able to drop me to church. I saw him sitting on the living room reading newspaper. I asked nicely, and he gruffly said that he couldn’t, because he’s too tired. Now, if you know how my dad speaks, you would know how sometimes it hurts my feelings.

So I just walked away, thanking him and thinking perhaps this time is not the time for me to come early to church. My fault of course. I walked to the taxi stop in front of my condo. As my mood is turning sadder and sadder, a song came to mind. A friend told me on the previous night that I lost the joy. I thought he has a point there. And just like armed with an iPod, I started humming, "I got the joy… I got the peace of mind. Got the faith in the Holy Ghost that fills me everyday, I got the life… I got the melody… I got the word the Word of God, that sets me free…" I couldn’t even remember what goes before those lyrics, but it keep on replaying in my mind like a broken record.

There’s a guy waiting there and the look on the street was not very promising. No taxi around. The song kept on playing in my head. As I was contemplating of waiting for the taxi or waling toward the bus stop for a longer ride, another small still voice came to me… "Keep walking…" It’s soft and yet it’s as clear as though somebody is talking to me directly. I followed that voice. Perhaps God wanted me to do some quiet time on my bus journey.
Then I saw a taxi driving close to me. I didn’t flag him, because I know that the guy on the taxi stand wouldn’t be too happy. It’s tempting, but I let it go. Then another taxi came, this time I flagged it. The journey was nothing special, and I don’t think much about it until I saw a Daily Bread’s back cover on the driver’s dashboard. I asked him, "Are you a Christian too, uncle?" He was surprised a bit and started to look around his car, anything that would trigger my questioning. He didn’t put up anything that would show his faith. He said yes and he said, "How do you know?" I told him, "I saw your Daily Bread". We ended up talking about Christianity a bit and I don’t know about you, but being with another Christian giving you a sense of peace… and joy. The things that God do to make you happier. We blessed each other at the end of the ride.

You may think my experience is just some meaningless random chance, but I believe that there’s no such thing as coincidence in what happened to me that moment. I came to church with a happier disposition.

Where to go?

2007-03-03T11:20:00.000+08:00

I guess the honeymoon period is over. I wonder what sort of person I am sometimes. Can I tackle all these things and see it through? I have a tendency to want to please people. And the sucky thing about it was, you can't do that without your own sanity being compromised. Often I wonder, am I suited in this part of the world?

I must admit that because of the new level of busy-ness in my life, my devotional time got cut short. It only left with short prayers here and there, because everything else being absorbed into doing, what's amounting to be nothing. I can't complain about my current company, because compared to the previous one, this one is very "walk in the park". Hence, it makes me wonder, do I fit in this lifestyle?

So far I felt like I botched all the deals with the nice clients, while not having a good time with the mean ones. And I'm afraid of facing these people. I felt as though I'm failing them. And I tend to hide and run away from all these.

I know that I'm not mediocre, but I'm handicapped in reading situations, and I got too many warning bells ringing on my brains, and sometimes because of fatigue, I missed the small things. And that small things, like the virus, became malignant.

I missed those days where I can just take a deep breath and see the mountains with their pine trees and cool weather. I missed the smell of the fresh air, and slightly misted-dew dropped ground. So peaceful there. Maybe that's why when I was looking around for houses with Jon, I always attracted with the ones that have many trees. I'm still an Oregonian at heart. I need my 'hashis'... Joking.

My current boss, who is leaving the company in late March, gave me a prediction, that I will be leaving the company by the end of the year. In a way, I read it as a challenge whether I'm going to stick it long enough to stay, or he's just being honest. Truthfully, if I have my way, I would like to continue my dream as a designer. Even as I serviced my clients right now, I can't help but feel that I'm being enclosed. Entrapped by the lack of EQ that I felt of gaining since I dealt with so many weird souls. All I need to understand now is that I can't be too nice to people or they will take advantage of you. Yes, you're giving them good service, but you must be able to be mean to them if you have to. I've been nice to the wrong crowds.

I'm by all means, lack of pretentions, I'm the way I am, I can't keep my emotions hidden, I don't play politics, and I'm nice when you are too. I'm fragile with my feelings. I'm educated and clever in learned things and yet I'm simple and not smart with reality. Sometimes I wonder what's the importance of education when they're not teaching you how to deal with people, which is the most essential thing? People is the most complicated puzzle I ever met. Who can I trust now, when my own self confidence is hanging on a thin line?

Where to go from here?

Bouts of expressions...

2006-12-08T15:51:00.000+08:00

Today was not really my day. For personal reasons... I woke up late, because my handphone didn't record the correct alarm for some reason. Luckily I made it to office pretty much on time. And then another glitch came to my consciousness... Again I left my cell phone. I was supposed to help my colleague with things and she couldn't even contact me. And then I thought... Oh no, I will miss an SMS from somebody.

I tried to communicate with several clients, most of them could not make my day brighter with their replies. And so I struggled to keep things light. I wore the wrong clothings today. I just found out that my boss dislike jeans, no matter if it's a Friday. Other departments can wear jeans, but us. He didn't say anything, but my colleagues warned me about that... Again I felt like a failure. Don't get me wrong, this is my very first time wearing jeans as long as I joined them.

The only highlight of the day was my appointment with one of my clients today. They may not buy things from me yet, but they're treating me like a regular already. But the way of 'happiness' must come with a price. My client would like to preview items from our company. And boy oh boy, how heavy they were. Probably about 6 kgs total. I ran out of cash, no cell phone and so I have to take a long time just to get into a taxi. I took money first by crossing over the pedestrian bridge in the rain, wearing slippery heals. Thank God I was OK the whole time. And then I came back to the office to pick up the heavy items and go search for a taxi. A taxi stopped by in front of my office and I was being grateful too soon. As I shove the heavy items inside the taxi and ready to be taken to my destination, the taxi driver said that he doesn't know how to get there. Errrr... first of all, my destination is not some small road in the middle of Jurong. My destination was Raffles Place! The major office hub in the middle of the city. Second of all, how can he be a cab driver if he couldn't take pretty much half of the working adults in Singapore to their workplace? So I guess, God wanted me to be patience. Either he really didn't know, or he just don't feel like going there. Instead of scolding him, I took my heavy bags out slowly and let the taxi go. The good thing was that the rain was only a very light shower so I don't have to get wet, since I couldn't carry an umbrella if I wanted to anyway. I had to balanced my way through the slippery road with 2 heavy bags left and right and my office bag on my right shoulder (I have to be very descriptive... a way to vent myself, I guess). Nobody offered to help me, and I don't want to ask any of my colleagues, since, well, they also have things to do anyway, and I would like to settle this matter myself. This account is mine.

I finally got a taxi who's willing to take me to Raffles place. He dropped me in an awkward location, not close enough for my aching arms but close enough to manage. It's the closest he can drop me I guess. Oh well. Infront of the receptionist, the lady that I was pretty much talked to yesterday didn't remember me, or at least pretend not to remember me, although yesterday she was spending a good several minutes to write down my name and asked questions. She was asking me the same rounds of questions like the day before until I told her that I was here the day before. And although she saw how heavy my bags were, she didn't offer any help me to pass the magnetic counter, where I have to lift my hand (which doubles as a bag lifter) to tap the card to be able to enter and pretty much ignoring me. Maybe that's why she's only the entrance receptionist. Pardon my curtness.

Then the good things... I saw my clients and she was grateful about how prompt I was. She was sorry that I have to carry those heavy bags and another of her colleagues was also friendly. She helped me carry the items to the office and before you know it, the boss would like to add more stuff for the order. And she was interested with the necklace that I wore, which was loaned by my company of course. I shall be back to their office next week, for more of their requests.

And another thing... I was a bit concern about someone. I just don't want to become marginalized like this person's pasts. There was fire, and then it felt as though it's doused by rain. Maybe I was also too tired and it's taking a toll to my sanity. I need to go back and focus on God again. I cannot be blurred by the blessings that I got and forgetting God. I can feel its emptiness. I am not meant to be like this. Again bout of fear and weariness clouded me.

Again... I will be okay.

The glass shoes need to be polished...

2006-12-04T16:13:00.000+08:00

It's been a month since my last post here. I must say that within this month so many things happen, not just because my work, but everything else too. I can honestly say that I'm being blessed a lot. And yet at the same time, this is no Cinderella tale where as the story book draws to an end it says, "And they lived happily ever after." It saddened me sometimes to realize that I have that illusion in my head.

This coming Wednesday will be my very first month I work for my current place. The working place and the environment is great. I can't complain. Now what I concern the most is to be beneficial to my company. I know that I'm in a learning process still, but time to time again I got intelligence block and verbal diarrhea that hinders me to be the best that I can be. I don't really have any problems with my clients, perhaps only a few occasional nervous wreck and tongue-tied ness. But so far all of them are nice.They may not be diligent with their e-mail replies, but over all they're quite friendly. Either that or I'm too naive to notice that they're just doing their PR session on me. That's another thing. I'm lack of street smarts. No matter how focus I'm trying to be, all I can see is just face value and not the thought behind it. I'm probably the most sincere sales girl you've ever met. As much as I love the thought of getting commission, I would try my best to get a good relationship first. And that may not come hand in hand with the role that I need to play.

Again I also feel the pressure of time. I guess when my friends said that I was having too much time in my hand, this is what they meant. No matter how much time you would like to do that extra stuff with your friends, you have to try to squeeze things into my non-existent agenda. Today I got Monday blues... I was not doing well with my task. Not because I neglected them, but because I was overly cautious that I became reckless. If that even make sense. This would be the second time within 2 weeks. I guess I really have to consult with my boss and hold his hands like a good kindergarten student.

And then yesterday I did something that really make me sad. I didn't hear instruction clearly, hence another wrong conclusion that ended up hurting somebody. Although he's okay with it and even cajoled with me, I was not happy with myself. It ended up making him feel as though I was upset at him when I didn't. I kept on blaming myself and feel as though I need major hearing aid and ADHD pill. Perhaps I do need it. Don't you ever feel that your action is too slow for your brain and another time vice versa?

I guess living in Cinderella palace starting to catch up with reality. I'm praying to God that in everything I would not want to tarnish His image with my shortcomings. Lord, help me...

A Life Less Ordinary

2006-10-29T12:24:00.000+08:00

As the title said, that's what's my life been lately. It was a big upgrade from a mundane day to day trying to get by to one special moments after another. I am surrounded by love from Someone. And how I feel grateful and blessed.

The chapters in my life has become something like a Korean drama, or at least how my mom's put it. Often things that I only hear from the movie came real to me, even to the very cheesy and corny lines. So yeah, I'm in cloud nine... Gorsh, I've become cheesy too.

People would probably confused as what am I babbling about. I finally got answers for my prayer. And the things that I thought was just a mere encouragement, came to pass like a big box of early Christmas present. Although fragile as everything else in this world, I'm thanking Him that He still cares for me, no matter how bad or how selfish I've been treating Him. My aunt called me as a late bloomer. That everything seems to make sense when I'm way pass those growing pains moments.

Some of the examples are my new job... I was told that at the beginning, I was refused the time for interview due to lack of experience, and yet, I ended up getting the appointment, beating other candidates with more maturity and years toiled. Something that I was never entertained of getting. I guess, I was not aiming high enough... Or in a sense, my faith is not up to par, yet. People have more faith in me than I'm in God and myself. And the prayer that was claimed last July 10th came to pass in completion. At that time, the evangelist who prayed for me said that I would get confused because of the many job offers that would come knocking... And that's exactly what happen. I got at least 2 job offers and another two who were insisting of second interviews when I already told them I got a job offer (I was trying to be polite and let them down gently to no avail, hehehe). True enough I was confused as which job I should take, since I pretty much like the both of them. One dealing with learning medical stuff and the other has something to do with design. Lovely indeed. Instead of stuck with one, God gave me choices. And for once none of these companies that I went for interviews debating me about monthly pay.

And then on the ministry side... I joined the choir as a part of a big group. Never in my mind the thought that I would be offered to join the regular choir. I guess, perhaps I'm not that familiar on how the system is in this church, but I'm grateful. And then I felt that God started giving me more to my plate as I feel more active in ministry life such as leading praise and worship for Care Group and just yesterday I lead a discussion. A task I never experienced on doing. And then I felt more bold in sharing more about my life and hopefully it can be blessing for my friends. Before that, I was always having this low self-esteem episode which rendered me helpless, afraid to move on, defensive, and proud for the wrong reason. Now, I just let it all out in the open and God have His way.

Well, perhaps in the case of "Completion"... I should retract a bit... Not until he put his ring on my finger and live happily ever after, blessed by God... (Yup, I'm being cheesy again. I can see some of you fainted in curiosity, :P). But if you asked some of my friends, even the guy ones... One part of the package deal is to find the best friend that God let collided and intertwined with our lives. And me as a big fan of RomCom, for sure is not immune to such thoughts.

For now I'm still heady with the many new friends that I acquire lately... And got to know more people that I deemed 'mysterious' in the beginning. I'm a happy camper alright. For example, when I wrote about Alvin on my birthday post, I cautiously wrote my opinion about him, never imagined that I would see his rowdy and funny side such that happens lately. And then Jun Ming; I never imagined him as a guy who likes to talk, but then again I should be cautioned from reading his regular posts. He's a natural newscaster, hahaha... And then I got a chance to meet my long distance correspondence from New York, Lynne. We clicked as though we've met from long ago, considering I just met her in person yesterday. She's really an awesome girl. Bubbly and full of courage (hope you read this, girl! Hahaha)

Well since no post is complete without pictures... I shall post some and recap

Lynne and I, inside the lobby of Esplanade. Can you imagine that she still had the energy after 40+ hours of not sleeping? She arrived early in the morning and then travelled to Bugis by herself to meet me like a good New Yorker she is, hehehe... Train transport didn't scare her, since New Yorker also commute that way... Unlike Portlanders such as me. She promised to come back to visit Singapore. I think she likes it here, too. Me bad influence, hahaha. She said that she can't possibly entertain the thought of moving to Singapore when she just decided to go back home to Manila from US.

My ex-colleagues and I had dinner somewhere in Raffles Place on October 18th. At this night also, I found out some more interesting things that happen after I left Xpress Print. Such as some information of some of the UOB boys that I dealt with, and my Account Manager, Sanny (extreme right) decided to quit... Some said, "Finally..." Hehehe Roster from left to right: Brandon (Sanny's boyfriend, and the IT guy at Xpress), Alex (one of the latest Xpress victim, hehehe), Jeffry, Joanne (? I forgot her name, but I think I'm right, hehehe. I think she quited before I arrived at Xpress), and then Carolyn (Sarah's friend), Eslina (another of Sarah's friends), Sarah, me and Sanny.

Yup, I was the only one who are not working or had any claim to my name, except one job offer, mingling with the corporate suits at Raffles Place. I'm beginning to like that place. I thought the view is very pretty. Soon after the photo was taken, I received a call that another interview is waiting for me. The one that actually would landed me a job. I guess mingling with them rubbed off, hehehe... And so glad to see Edmond's happy pose again. And Jon was about a few days shy of a week after his collarbone fracture injury from playing soccer amidst the haze problem in Singapore, hehehe.

My first official meeting as a part of the core team leaders. Again I felt so honored and blessed. The venue was at Chris' place on a hazy Saturday afternoon, October 7th. We got a lot of food from the potluck that was brought by people. Elaine made a good "mochi" (Don't know how to spell it in Chinese hanyu pinyin, just know the Japanese hanyu pinyin version, hehehe). Chris was still recovering from his surgery about a week previous. He's still recovering as of now. We got to play a 'getting-to-know-your-leader-likes-and-dislikes' game. Such as Irving's "like people to massage his tummy"... At our laughing expense. At this day we also celebrated Chris' and Yihong's birthday and shared some words of affirmations.

Different date, same location, same position, semi different participants. September 29th. Caregroup session at Chris' house, so that Chris didn't have to go far after his surgery. So if he couldn't go to the caregroup, we're bringing the caregroup to his place like a good bunch... Well, more like invasion of the restless kids. Chris got a nice room that channeling IKEA catalog. And it smells nice too. Again the food was potlucked, I made my homemade fruit salad, and Edmond criticizing it as being too sweet. Hehehe... But at the same time he would like the recipe. Nope, can't do.

Alvin was hugging his new red car on the above picture. See, he really is a surprising character. And yes, we know that he likes red... He was rather disappointed when he quized us about the color of his car, before we even saw it, we know that it's going to be red. Hahaha... And me as the Praise and Worship leader for the 'ump'th time... It's like some kind of conspiracy theory to not have a CG session when I'm not assigned to lead that week, may it be Unit Meeting and the last minute of what nots. Gee,thanks guys...

Instead of rodent problem, Chris' house got monkey problem. I thought that's a novelty. Just like my Jamieson crib got cute racoons, Chris got 5 monkeys that hankered around once in awhile and steal food. Kawaii desu...

I thought Dee's expression is cute in this photo. It's like as though she got caught red handed of doing something wrong. Such as melting the clock, hehehe.

October 1st, after church... Our group pictures taken under one indicent statue by Salvador Daly after another. One is titled something like Venus, and the other was Alice (In Wonderland) but both rather emphasized on naked female figures. Perverts and Paedophile alert! We only got to take pictures with 3 from about a dozen if not more statues that were being exhibited in the streets of Singapore. One of the reason was because IMF was here, so Singapore was beautifying itself with showers of artworks.

And of course who can forget our dysfunctional trip to the Biennale, hehehe. It's a show of confused and beligerent artists after another. Although I can't judge it that harshly either, since I didn't get to see the whole showcase. But mostly the ones that I went was kinda... Heck, it was dark. There was an aura of depression lingering in the air as some of the artworks failed to delve deeper into my sense of sympathy. Call me shallow, and to think that I was theatre actress once upon a time too (but with the mind of blockbuster producer, hehehe). So I just posted the picture of us together as one happy bunch rather than the artwork itself. I mean, I was having a good time because of my friends most likely. I appreciate the human factor better, hehehe... Probably for once, people start saying that I'm being rude and not 'encouraging' hehehe...

Dwelling in the art of being shallow, I thought these two were some that attracted me the most during Biennale. The flashing board scribing 'almost' my Chinese name (my name is Kuan Yun, so shift the "i" to "u" and I'll be content), and then the imaginary experience of having your 15-minutes-of-fame. I thought the latter one was an awesome experience. I got to relive my childhood (and trust me that this dream was not too long ago, I'm embarassed to say, hehehe) dream of becoming a superstar. Move over Singapore Idol... Hehehe

Ok enough for now, I shall continue more later... Wow... I think it's been a long pause :P

We are Chi-neese... If you ple-eese... Tum tum tum tum...

2006-10-11T12:04:00.000+08:00

First thing frist... I had too many activites in my life lately, my fingers and my memory seemed to not want to work together, literally... I got "typing" block! I guess, as I once said, might as well try to complete one of the latest memory first, which is the day spending at the Chinese Garden.

When I heard that our group would like to spend time at Chinese Garden and do some cultural thing, my sense of out-of-towner started to kicked in. I felt like some over excited caucasian tourist being enticed by the promise of seeing something exotic. I quickly forgotten my allergy reaction toward the bustling crowds. So it's decided that Friday, October the 6th, will be the day where we would get to know our 'roots'... Sort of... Heck, my version of understanding anyway. Being a Chinese Indonesian, our sense of our heritage, tho still strong, it's kind of jumbled with other things. Especially me, been too long in US, too.

A first time in everything, I found out that there's this closer MRT station than my regular Newton MRT. It's Dover MRT. But it's semi in the middle of nowhere. The good thing was that it buys me time to relax at home longer before I rushed my butt off to the Chinese Garden. As I was riding the train, I heard this conversation between this Singaporean guy and his friends cum caucasian tourists. The Singaporean guy, I'm assuming, brought a set of mooncakes. They were on their way to Chinese Garden too. The caucasian girl was talking about her excitement about seeing the Chinese Garden, and then the Singaporean guy mentioned about Disneyland. The girl said that she liked Disneyland... with her somewhat breathless-perky voice. The Singaporean guy said that she shouldn't expect the garden to be like Disneyland, although he also mentioned that he dislike Disneyland also. In a patronizing tone he said among other things that it's too childish. I couldn't help it, my face reacted toward his comment and attitude. Duh? For one, Disneyland was built for children anyway. I was awarded with another look from him. Then I just continued to pretend not to listen to them, though it's hard, hehehe... Don't want to be the opinionated American again.

When I reached there, I only saw Andrea. And I thought I was late. Soon after our gang started to come one by one. Too bad my expat comrade, Gene, couldn't make it. So the other tourists in our bunch were Taeko and Dee's colleague, Hung. We ate at the nearest hawker stall at Chinese garden MRT. It was quite sad that there were hardly any choice at the stall, plus my braces were just got tightened the day before too. There were probably 2 stalls that could actually sold us food, and one drinking stall. They're not prepared for the sudden flow of trourist because of the Mooncake Festival. Even the stall where I ordered my food from had to ask the other stall for rice. Awesome indeed.

See the background in the picture? Those are some of the stalls in the hawker place that we visited

After we ate our dinner, Andrea split and the rest of us continued with our journey. 6 girls (Peishan, Dee, Taeko, Grace and Grace's friend, Gloria and myself) and our 4 bodyguards (Jay, Jon, Patrick and Dee's colleague, Hung), hehehehe.

The sky was not too friendly tho, because of the haze problem. And yes, the haze came from Indonesia *embarassed*. If I were in Surabaya, the shadow of the haze was not something less ordinary, but seeing it in Singaporean skyline, I felt annoyed too. But that did not deter the crowds. And before long, some of us felt parched and sweaty. Jon, Peishan and I bought ice cream at the closest vendor in front of the entrance. As we 'sardined' our way through the lining ticket buyers, we spotted some familiar faces. Well, it was made quite obvious when they started chiming my name too, hehehe... Gabriel, Andrew, Merv and Priscilla were already there earlier... so as good brothers and sisters, we just gave our money and some of our NTUC cards (for coupon purposes) in their loving hands, while we're supporting them on the sideways, where crowds were lesser, hehehe.

My excitement was soon a bit subsided though, when I saw the first glimpse of the crowds amongst the haze and the feel of semi hollow theme park greeted me. I thought the Botanical Garden and the Safari had better feel than this. And Botanical Garden is free also... But I was still in a sugar high over a new place, so I joined some who started to roam the Chinese Tower that greeted us as we entered.

Hmm... Got to ask Ming Chong for our photo as we waved from the Tower. As we travelled to the inner sanctum, we met the rest of the B2 gang. Some of us managed to pose with the make believe "Taj Mahal" on the background.

The whole experience made me remember the long long ago school trip with my friends. Ah the wonder years... It's so funny considering that we're far from the school kids age...

Warning: This film contains a couple of missing audition tapes from some actors :P

The rest of the experience could be summed up as another photo ops. As the crowds and haze worsen, a.k.a. getting late... We started to break the OREO Mooncake that Peishan brought (bi-product of Raffles Hotel) and shared the bounty with the B2 gang.

Here are some more shots from the experience...

And some quirky shots...

Somebody was in crisis :)

Junming and his tough guy look

Hung: "COUSIN!!!... Eh are you there?"

Jay and his portrayal of a school teacher

We left the premises around 11 pm at night... Everybody went straight home. I went back to my newly informed MRT station at Dover... The bad thing about it, only 1 bus went pass my place from this station. And it took a long time too. I reached home close to midnight. Luckily Cinderella made it on time :P

(More photos and extension of this experience can be found either in Peishan's or Junming's blog)

Hope's Birthday Bash

2006-09-21T16:02:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile since my last stage performance, and how I missed it. So I was so happy with my decision to join Hope Church's 100 people choir... Tho if I'm not mistaken we're only close to 100, hehehe. No matter. The funny thing about the choir was just that the soprano and the bass were called "melody". And unlike the prestigious Altos and Tenors, some of us, the 'lucky' ones were placed on the very top/ the back of the group, since it's too many of us. And I would be one of those lucky girls, hehehe... But the good thing, I don't get to get nervous, since... hello, it's just too many people, I can sing or not sing if I want to, hehehe. But of course, I sang. Love to sing...

So after the supposed 12 weeks rehearsal, the show came down at the Singapore EXPO Hall 2 last Saturday. I must say that the only thing that made me grumble was just the 'pajama top' looking costume that I had to pay a fortune for. But nothing beat the quality times I had with my fellow singers. And with my trustee camera I managed to captures several wonderful moments. (Mostly something that I can laugh at, hehehe)

Anyway, if you would like to know the details for the what going ons... you can check out Junming's post. My memory and my fingers do not seem to want to work together...

Check out the TLC shown by this bro... Awwww...

The strapping tenors and baritones (a.k.a. melody) posed for with their brilliant smiles.

This is how manly man put on lipstick, or in this case lip gloss, hahahaha... Honestly guys, it's not that painful, hehehe

Our model of the day... Mr. Gabriel Ang :P

*Ahem*... Some beautiful people and our endorsement... Hey where're the paychecks? Hehehe...

Tiger in the Lionesses' den... ROWR! Hahaha...

I got assigned as one of the make up artistes of the day. But some of my clients seemed not to be impressed by my style :(, hehehe.. Oh well... it's ok. I got more time to do snapshots then. Oh by the way, the photo above was taken by none other than Mr. James Wong, copyrighted... hehehe...

OK will add more later... Maybe... Stay tuned... :P

yummi in my tummi

2006-09-10T21:22:00.000+08:00

Last Wednesday was our last chance to entertain the Germans. Christian and Markus were leaving early on the next day. So Elaine invited some of us to dinner at Tiong Bahru. While Christian and Markus would be leaving, we got another German that will stay with us for at least 6 months. His name is Jurgen. But unlike the previous two, this one will go to Gabriel and Jun Ming's caregroup.

Most of us reached the meeting place (Tiong Bahru's McDonalds) on time. About 7.30 pm. And we hang out there waiting for some more to come and also Jurgen, the new kid on the block.

There's some funny little things that happen while waiting for Jurgen to come. Peishan supposedly come and joined us for dinner, but she would be late and so she called me asking for the exact meeting place for dinner. Now, since I thought Jun Ming would know the place (plus, Elaine was talking to Christian, hence can't be bothered), I told Peishan that I'll let Jun Ming talk to her. At the end of phone conversation, Jun Ming 'scolded' me saying that I told Peishan that his name is Jermaine. Beside feeling semi guilty and embarassed because of it, I thought the whole thing was funny. On my mind, a big black guy just gotten a bit miffed, hehehe. Sorry if my Chinese tonal pronounciation needs tuning, hahaha. But I seriously said Jun Ming, not Jermaine. Honest. :P After calling my joke to Christian lame, I got to laugh a bit at Jun Ming when he introduced himself to Jurgen as James. Perhaps it's better if he say it like this (another lame attempt to joke, hahaha), "Wong, James Wong." Hahaha. Oh and he also asked Dee whether Dee thinks Jurgen handsome. Such a random thought. Hahaha.

We reached the restaurant at about 10 minutes before 8pm. Elaine said that we're always late whenever we want to set a time to have a gathering. Hehehe... she hadn't got much dealing with Indonesians I suppose (I mean, I got friend who was once even 4 hours late, without a real tangible explanation. For some reason the Indonesian culture that I know kind of always like to be late and people would come later, because thinking that the others would be even later... It never ends). I thought we're quite on time, considering that we reached the rendesvouz place at 7.30pm. On the dot :P

The eating place was a small restaurant seemingly not too promising, since there was hardly many customers. We would pretty much made the most population in the place. Sitting arrangements started to be formed while waiting for the rest of us to come.

Later on, I have to admit that I made a premature judgment on the restaurant. The food was good. I like the steam fish and the tofu (that's a given) and the rest were qite nice too. It's awesome to see that Edmond be able to have fun and laugh with us again. And we also had fun joking around with the Germans...

(note: this post been stuck for quite sometimes from completion, so I might as well already blurred on the details, hehehe... today's date is 9/13/06 :P)

Oh well, just so I finnally done with this post, here are some of the pics of the night. I must say that it's a great time having them around!

On a Midnight Prowl

2006-09-04T11:58:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday was Safari day. Yup, Safari in the middle of the rat race called Singapore. After an uneventful Friday, I was really anticipating the promise of seeing oversize kitties in their man-made habitat. And the Safari delivers! Well, minus the damage cost of entry of S$28 per person *ouch!*

Peishan asked us on Thursday night regarding the trip and plus entertaining our German guest, Markus to the sights and sounds of Singapore. Now, the thing was I don't really know where the Safari thingy is held; never been there before, so I was just readily agree with them to meet at the Esplanade for dinner. At the begining, the chosen dining place was somewhere in Ang Mo Kio.

Esplanade is still one of my favorite spots in Singapore. It's just nice and beautiful and of course, the performing arts center. In a way I thought "The Durian" building gives a competition to Sydney's Opera House. It's Singapore's Broadway. While waiting for Gene to come and meet us, Jon, Markus, Peishan and I were taking pictures on the surrounding of Esplanade.

For some reason, as Jon's tour-guiding Markus, they were talking about whether the Merlion is a male or female. I added that it should be a dude lion not a chick, since it got mass o'hair, unlike the female lion. And I felt more stupendous, when Peishan gave a more easier and direct answer... "It's called the Merlion and not a Lioness..." I guess it's interesting to see how people answer a question in different angle. I'm more biological, perhaps, hehehe.

The dude is spitting water :P

Once in awhile, in my amateurish gig as a photographer, I like to take random picture that would make me look 'deep', hehehe. And here's one result. What't the site for that photo contest again? Hahahahaha

My Winning Prize shot *Hmm... out of idea to write some funny caption for this candid. Anybody help?*

After the photo op, we went to the food stalls in search for a good but cheap dinner. We settled at the Esplanade's hawker center, which exotically called, "Makan Sutra" (if directly translated to Indonesian, it would mean: Eating Silk, hehehe. So I wonder what the Malay translation would be). Don't like the rest half of the name... "Gluttons Bay". Again Jon was ushering Markus to see what food they can get. Markus declined on the oyster scrambled egg, no matter how both Jon and I kinda hint that the menu is a good eat :). After following them a bit, I let Peishan took her tour of duty as the resident photojournalist and me keep guard with the bags.

The local exchanges

The food were quite fulfilling. And the view and the weather were just nice, as the sky starting to get darker. As soon as Gene joined us, the five of us got to enjoy the view serenaded by the band that played that night. The free concert band was playing that U2 song that has the opening line, "Uno... Dos... Tres... Catorce!" (One, two, three... Fourteen, hehehe. One SNL comedian commented on the band's inability to count, as 14 comes after 3). I think the title is "Vertigo". From Esplanade, the 5 of us fit into a taxi to the Night Safari. Gene was entertaining Markus, Peishan and I were talking about nice locations for weddings (eh, what made us talk about weddings, huh?) and Jon was entertaining the taxi driver, hahaha. He got quite some information about the taxi driver. The uncle driver was actually a millionaire! Who would've thunk!

We got there about 8.40pm. I thought the surroundings reminded me of Disneyland's Indiana Jones' ride. It's like we're really in a touring mode. We're on vacation. The ticket price was dousing the excitement a bit, but soon forgotten, and three cameras started to take turn in recording memories.

We got to see a lot of animals from the cute one to the scary cute kind. The tram ride were nice, minus the nasally overdramatic tour guides' voices. Yes yes, we know, we got to conserve and save the Elephants! The lion was the only one from the cats family that's not behind the fiberglass cage. The tourguide said that Lion is the friendliest or tamest cat compared to the other big cats. Anyway, the Lion that we saw was sleeping, didn't bother to wake although his groupies (a.k.a. us, the visiting humans) were calling for him.

Then there's the striped Hyenas and the spotted Hyenas. The spotted ones were the ones that's more popular with the shrilling laugh (for reference, watch "The Lion King", hehehe). The Jackals and the small Wolfs were always cute for me, very much reminding me of my fave dog, the Huskies. Oh and there's this Bearcat. And they're just the cutest oversize furball. The tail can help them dangle from tree branches. Oh and there's the Babirusa (Deer-pig) and Markus said, "Schweine!" Or Swine/ Pig in German. He taught me how to say it right, hehehe. Das Schweine. Some of the Leopards skin 'design' had the Chameleon-like tendencies, as some can just blend with the tree trunk motifs and we couldn't even see them clearly until we see something moving and it happen to be their tails dangled in front of our faces. Behind the fiberglass mirror of course. We also watched the animal show, and the Otters were adorable. Peishan said that the emcee was speaking too fast and the show was less than expected. And we got to see the Racoons... Ah missed my own Racoons in US, hahaha... Considering that the two Racoons that make an appearance on the show have cousins in my backyard :D

The most memorable reaction to an animal would be when we, especially the girls, went into the batcage. We're not really scared of the Flying Squirell, even Gene want them to start flying. As soon as we entered the Bat cage, the shrill from some birds that also sharing the living space with the Bats added to the suspense in the atmosphere. These bats were just dangled from any thin leaf branches and sometimes you couldn't tell the difference because of the lack of light on the area. The three girls kind of huddled together, moving very slowly, fearing the bats. We stood in a row and when Peishan saw one of the bats flapped open its wings, she started screaming, followed like domino effect by me then Gene. We didn't really move until Jon helped ushered us out. And both of the boys had their laugh at our expense. (Alvin then commented about girls' reaction toward Batman. Hehehe, the screaming may be at the same level but the connotation will be different).

After a long night of screaming and walking, we got a nice ride back on a tram. We didn't really have a close encounter with a Giraffe aside from their nice behind, but we did pass a wondering Tapir. Before we leave, some were having some sugar-tooth. We raided Ben & Jerry's before we call it a night.

Again the five of us fit into the taxi heading home. Oh and if you would like to see the animals, I hope this will do, hehehe... Since during our trip there's the "No Flash Photography" policy being enforced. Check out the "Shiba Inu" (the big white dog, I think that's the breed name) too, on this clip. At least the two types of animals that I really like are represented here :P Motto Kawaii!

Reflection... And Thursday Night

2006-09-01T17:25:00.000+08:00

My mom believes that you can't be in a convivial mood, because it means that the next thing that will follow is a big drop of sorrow. I guess things work according to what your mind percept too. You know, like a 'self-fulfilled prophecy' state of mind. A term that I learned for my Psychology minor. As I mentioned in my last post, it's time for me to wrap things up. But it doesn't need to end in a sour note. Yes, life can't be a party all the time, then again it's how you want to perceive things whether as your life sucks or a version of a roller coaster of emotions (may it be in Disneyland or 6 Flags formations :P ) or everyday is a good day and some are awesome days. I'd rather choose the latter. As hard or bad of a day that ever happened to me, I survived them all... May it caused chip on my shoulder... Be resilient and I shall recover.

Yes, I must admit that I still need to get that breakthrough in my life. But in a sense that will keep me grounded and humble. I just pray that low self esteem won't be knocking at my door, because believe it or not, people with low esteem can be quite snobbish and self-righteous, because they want to protect themselves and don't want to be perceived as a loser. And please no false humility either. Hehehe... Psychoanalysis me talking.

And then there is this thing called love. People misused the term or have no understanding at all. Sometimes I would just get confused by people that say that they love you and yet don't show it. I'd rather just stay quiet until my heart prompted me to really say and do it. No false hope or fake expressions. With the words come actions and commitment. And there's no such thing as "I love you, but..." I'd rather not say it at all. Love is too sacred to just throw it around like a piece of advertisement leaflet. (Disclaimer: Err... this is not only applicable for BGR, K?) Or perhaps again we just speak a different language of love, just like that book by Gary Chapman. Does love come with an expectation of a reward? OK blah blah, don't mind me. I'm tired with the rules of how the world does things. The rules keep on changing now. There are too many grey areas. And we do speak different things. I feel like Disney's Mulan and sing the "Reflection" song all over again. Why can't you love me for who I am? Why do I have to fit into a certain character for you to be able to see me as worthy of your love? OK, before people start thinking where is this conversation is going, I shall end this topic here. I just feel like ranting for a while.

OK let's move on...

Thursday, August 31st
Yesterday, our CG was talking about "Trials and Temptation". Yes, I admit that right now I fell into the temptation of ranting, hehehe. I was supposedly joined Dee's group, but since Andrea's group was smaller, Chris plucked me from my comfort zone and be amongst, what he called, "Roses among the thorns". Well, yes we're facing trials everyday and hope to persevere, such in my case. What didn't kill you will just make you stronger, right? And then temptation. Before Andrea ended the Bible study that night, she gave a homework, about this person who still don't want to be a Christian just because his perception of God was one of the a tricky kind. He asked, "If God is good, why would He created the tree of knowledge of good and evil to tempt us? Knowingly that man would eventually fall into temptation." Well, I just got my version of an answer to that question. If God created us to be robots (how I wish, sometimes, that I am one, so I don't have to feel anything, hehehe) , then that darn tree wouldn't be there. Adam and Eve will never have the right to choose, and will not be fully human. God gave men free will to choose and to love Him. God was giving Adam and Eve a choice, to obey or not to obey. I think the first sin was not even the result of eating the 'apple'. But from the very beginning, men refuse to follow order and fall into temptation. That was my answer. So if any of you CG members read this, can copy this answer and turn it in, hehehe...

That Friday night we have a couple members of Hope Stuttgart joining us. And at the end of the night, as per my phototaking habit insisted on doing, we're posing for photoshoot. And for once, my dependable Casio Camera is running out of battery. AARRRGGHHH... What gives? Luckily Markus Moetz, one of the German guys visiting, brought his camera and saved the day. Or I'll be bawling, for missing such Kodak moments, hehehe... Yeah I'm addicted to pictures, sue me. Later on, I found out that my plugger was broken, hence I was charging my camera without electricity coming in. So I guess, I will have to wait until the pictures are uploaded and ready to be sent to us. *Sigh* I shall update this post when the pictures are here.

Beside the photograph mishap, the night went by quite nicely. We still have our big group, minus several people. Perhaps next time we should have attendance record and the one with perfect attendance will win prizes, hehehe. Like Chocolate. What are we? First graders? But heck, I'll take it, hehehe.

The sitting arrangements were kind of funny, though, as people were automatically divided themselves like Moses parted the Red Sea, one side ladies, one side gents. Then, our head honcho, Chris, who said didn't have any ice breaker game watsoever prepared (yeah right, hehehe), told us to took out a piece of paper, jot down own names and pass it around every 15 seconds. The idea is to say our encouragement du jour on the paper with the respective names. I thought that was quite nice. Chris then asked: who got a comment that surprise you as in, you never thought that you are that character? Hardly anybody, or nobody got that special out of character encouragement. Me on the other hand was having fun, trying to decipher hand writings. And kinda cheated by counting who's sitting where, hehehe. The most comment that I thought was a bit not me, came from someone, maybe Alvin (the note suppose to be anonymous and although I'm counting backwards, sometimes people didn't write in order, and I only recognize a few handwritings). He said that I'm a good communicator. Thank you so much for his faith, because I don't really feel that way, hehehe. But glad that someone think of me like that. Whether he just want to be nice, since he hardly knew me or really meant it, it works as an empowerment to me.

For some of us, we ended the night with supper. And the plan to go Night Safari on this coming Saturday. Chris, Junda, Christian, Grace, Jon, Markus, Peishan and I (once again, missing the photo op :( ). Jon made a phone call to Edmond, and connecting him to Markus. I hope Edmond would be happy to hear someone speaks German to him again. I managed to grasp a little bit here and there when I hear Markus talked to Edmond. Wunderbach! Hehehe... After that we said gutten nacht to each other and headed home.

Au Revoir, Audrey

2006-08-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

Today was a full day. If you see my PDA, for once it's cluttered with so many appointments. From interviews to dentist appointment. The latter was not my favorite, as later on I have to suffer on missing out on good food at Lerk Thai in Marina Square, the place that we decided to throw the farewell dinner for Audrey.

It was raining outside, and after a long day, I managed to find a corner in Coffee & Toast at Citylink to relax a bit and wait until people start coming. I wrote scribbles on my diary pertaining to some walk of my life until Dee came. We discussed what songs that we would like to sing for the caregroup the next day. Audrey was the next person who come. She thought Dee was just going to ask her out for a private dinner, so she was elated to have other people coming. Taeko, Chris and Jon joined us and then we marched on, trying to decide which restaurant worth our visit. Jon came up with the suggestion of a good restaurant (or so he said :P ) in Marina Square that has some herbal soup and what not. Ducks were on the menu also. But when we got there, the line was impossibly long; 1 hour wait. Our stomachs were not as patient, so we decided on the Thai restaurant next door. DJ came and joined us later on.

Circling from left: Taeko, Jon, Chris, DJ, Dee, Anne and Audrey

Here's the thing with letting the guys order for food... They would order a lot, as though want to feed a small army, considering one of them... a.k.a. me was 'injured' and would not be up to the task. The dentist really tightened my braces so tight, that I couldn't chew even the softest things like Tofu. It's just a painful chore, no matter how my growling stomach suggested otherwise. But the guys were gentlemen, tho, beside laughing at my discomfort, they helped picked the best food for me. Even offered a joke or two that would alleviate my mood, tho at my expense. But laughter is the best medicine. No matter that the jokes are on you. Well, as long as it's nothing personal, hehehe... (Hmmm, too busy with my teeth, I forgot to take picture of the food)

Audrey then received an SMS from Sidney saying "Hi" to all of us. She also said that she couldn't take spicy stuff, but like the spicy mango salad. And it's not a forever farewell, since she promised to be back around next year when her job offer is renewed.

On the way home, Audrey was talking about the custom in France of giving people kisses as greetings. May it be hello or goodbyes. Me... I'm anticipating with my camera, ready to shoot whatever reactions that the guys would have. Too bad that they didn't happen, hehehe. Audrey also said that the custom varies as how many 'kisses' you would give to some people. For example there're the regular kissy kissy left to right and then there's also the 3 times or 4. She said that when the family members are way too many, the task would be tiring. Hence sometimes, they stroke a deal first as how much is the kissy-kissy should be done. I thought that was funny.

Au revoir mon ami... See you next year!

Painting Brighter Colors

2006-08-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

Finally, the noise started to die down. August is almost over. And it's time to clean up. I was just feeling that this month was full of celebration from beginning to end. Never have I imagined that living here would be so full of activities. I would have never imagined myself to be involved with a lot of people that I chanced to meet. For once, I can proudly admit that I hardly have time to watch TV. Yup, my life now is that full. I chatted with a friend in Indonesia. She's a Korean Drama fanatic, and although I have never been truly one, I knew how she feels about it. She was 'saddened' that I'm so out of the loop with the K-Dramas. I said, don't worry, I still know how to read and write my Hangul (understanding them is a different matter, hehehe). 한국 말 조금 해 요 ... haha whatever.

OK enough preamble... After the hilights of my birthday lunch, I felt there's nothing can top that to make me post a blog, hehehe... a.k.a. lazy, with sugar coated explanation. But with the amounting picture files that started to clutter my laptop's wallpaper, I feel compelled to write this post... Ahem ahem...

Among other thing is this volunteering at Sengkang Community Centre. I was asked by Andrea some moons ago whether I would like to do some face painting on some kids faces. I didn't take it seriously and semi refusing, because I don't really have the right chi with kids, hehehe. I tend to scare them for some reason. They just like to stare and me and I'm kinda bad with rejections (line that over and over again got to lie about to the job interviewer on the sales biz... my bad!). So then I felt kind of hesitant about agreeing to do the job when DJ asked me again a week later during one of our lunches at Starhub. I only said 'yes' when Dee agreed to join the troupe. But DJ already hinted that I was already volunteered by someone anyway, whether or not I want to take the duty. Ah no matter.

Note to self: for some weird reason I was glad that I agreed and the timing worked perfectly well... So glad that my aunt behind me on this.

Perhaps I need to be volunteered more often, because I had a lot of good time, that it can't be right. Yes, it robbed me of my beauty sleep time and some $12.40 taxi fare cab from Bukit Timah to Sengkang (I thought the taxi driver purposefully try to get me lost and took a longer route, but I was amended when I hear that Dee spent almost $20 for the cab fare), and I must say that I was tired but it's all worth it. Talking about the full couple of days. Started from an early start from Saturday morning with my commitment to the St. Theresa nursing home. Considering that people woke up later on a Saturday and Sunday, I was the opposite. Not that everyday I woke up late, but at least the connotation that the weekend you can wake up later just doesn't fit my schedule, especially for this weekend.

Saturday the 26th, 9.30 am... I wish I have all the pictures that recorded all the things that can chronologically help this post, but I guess my ramble will do. This time around St. Theresa only host the four of us: Yihong, Dee, Jay and myself. I got to talk more to Shirley, the lady that always have nice red nail polish. She's 88 years old. She always commented on the mole on my chin, saying that the location of it have a good meaning. It's like I got a good feng shui for my mole. She said that the mole represents a symbol that I will never in want for food, since there will be abundant of it. And just like a good recorder I repeatedly joked around with her that I do like to eat, especially snacking, hehehe. Bring on the fats! I'll take her picture next time. She's quite pretty for an 88 years old lady. I found Bertha on her regular exercising spot and we got to talk a little bit. And again she talked to me about encouraging other member of the nursing home. And when I talked about Shirley, she told me that next time I ought to ask her to play piano. And I got a chance to talk to one of the Nelly-s in the home. She's a Christian, unlike some if not most of the residents who are Catholics. It's nice that I'm starting to get use to these ladies and comfortable to talk to them.

Under the influence of the coupons that we got earlier, we had our fill at Burger King. I heard a friend once said, never eat there (Singapore's BKs) without a coupon, and it's true that Burger King never fails to supply us with coupons. Even in US the coupons were not as frequent as it is here. Come to think of it, reminds me of the weekly sales at "Meier&Frank". I mean, perhaps it's just their tactic to lure in customers, with their original pricing for the meals covered with the suggestions of coupons. Considering this is Singapore, maybe, food productions cost way much less than US :P

After a short visit to a nearby KERATASE hair treatment stand (compliment of Yihong :P), the three of us, minus Dee, went to look for the Church who offers Teochew service for Jay's parents. We got there by taxi with the sponsor of our gentleman, Jay (another nice comment about you, rite?), and then took a bus ride to AiPei's domain in Serangoon.

From there the four of us backpacking (all of us were carrying backpacks :P) toward Dhoby Ghaut at Plaza Singapura. It's almost 3pm when we reached there. We wanted to get coffee and relaxed but it ends up doing some bits of shopping. From PS, we marched to Centrepoint where Yihong led us to the Fish & Co. restaurant where we celebrated my birthday in the previous couple of weeks. I couldn't stay for long because it's almost time for me to meet with Mabel. Now some people who heard that I'm going to meet with Mabel, were curious as what caused me to do so. And the strongest idea that some got was that I have some secret love connection that need to be discussed. I thought that was funny, especially if they learned the truth. Don't get me wrong, I would probably like to talk about that subject to Mabel, but yesterday was not the occasion to do so, since... well... it's for me to know and for y'all to wonder :P

4.15 pm... I reached S11 food stalls and waited for Mabel. I feel as though I'm doing a 24 series, hehehe. But in the series, there are no 'waiting for people' shots, since I don't think audience would be interested in watching it. They usually cut to commercial. So I guess, since I'm not going to tell you about what we've discussed, you can cut to your commercial of getting snacks, soda, beer (I know some of you drink 'em), or bathroom break, hehehe.

5.30 pm... Both Mabel and I headed toward the church upstairs and behold, so many tertiary a.k.a. college kids filled the entryway. It was their time slot for church and we're just there, since the next day we got to do some community service and missed our church slot. But combined with some of the Adult groups (hmmm... don't feel that adult yet, but oh well, hehehe) that I belong to, the church was jammed packed. AiPei made a comment about our clothing. She said that we dressed up as though we tried to blend in with the younger crowds. Well, I thought some of them do look the part, but to some of us, especially with the likes of me, I was just wearing what I've been wearing most of the time anyway. Chris, already mentioned about how older we would look and hence advocating that we can dress 'young'-ish, if we want to. He said that as a joke of course. Or not, hehehe.

5.45pm... the service started. And both AiPei and I felt that the band was louder and hipper than our regular service. But AiPei also concluded that perhaps the band members, crediting that they're only college kids, have more time to rehearse. We sat in the upper back of the auditorium, smack dab in the middle, rather than our usual spot on the right hand side. For some reason, I was giddy, too excitable to focus on the sermon. The sermon was good, I might add, but I behaved as though I drank too much coffee. Until Jay 'scolded' me to sit quietly and focus. It really didn't help when I got AiPei as my neighbor/ partner in crime and then Jun Ming and Andrew sat on the row above me. Jun Ming commented that I got a lot of stuff in my bag which, would play a role of confirmation on the next day. Stop peeking at my magic pouch :P. Andrew was either caught the bug that AiPei gave me (hyperactivity bug) or probably tried to get me to be quiet too, hehehe. But overall I would just reacted over anything and everything... coffeecoffeecoffee...

7.30pm... Bunch of us headed downstairs for dinner at S11. After a brief preview on what we're going to do for the next day by Andrea... Dee, Gene, Jay and Junda left for home. There rest of us, got a chance to meet with Elaine's new friends from Pakistan, Pastor Daniel and David. Now, I don't want to pretend that I'm blind or something, but I thought David was very handsome. At first, I thought he sat on the wrong spot, since he sat with us, not knowing that he's Elaine's friend, hehehe. But the funniest thing was when Jon voiced out what I thought about David. Jon said that David was the best looking Pakistani that he ever met... (Jon, if you read this, correct me if I'm wrong, hehe). Jon even suggested for David to go Bollywood. Dat was funny. I thought that was just weird.

Pastor Daniel, me, Elaine, Jon, David and Peishan

On my side of the table we got to talk a little bit more about Pakistani church in the middle of the Muslim majority. And how some small details paralelled to Indonesia. Both Pastor Daniel and David extended their invitations to us to come and visit Pakistan.

Before ending my fascination on the Bollywood topic, I thought David bore some resemblance to the New Zealand actor Martin Henderson (The guy from the movie "Torque"). And guess what, Martin once starred in a British-Bollywood movie, "Bride and Prejudice" :P See here...

David.......................................... Martin

About 8.30pm we parted ways. Elaine were together with her friends; Jon, Peishan and Taeko headed toward WOMAD concert in Fort Canning, and I headed home. Before my solitary walk to the bus stop, Jon re-invited me to come, but I got the early morning wake up call to think about. I guess, I'm not in 24 series after all :P Got to catch my zzzz...

Sunday, the 27th, 5.45am... "Morning has broken..." snooze, snooze, snooze... Yeah I wish I had the mood to sing in the early cold shower. I left the house around 6.30am, after tried to wake my sister up for her church session (she woke up briefly and fell back asleep after I left. She missed out on attending her church service). Now I know why my grandparents used to do anything necessary to wake me up. It's hard to bring preteens to the consciousness realm :P Now, taxis in my area were quite scarce, especially in early Sunday morning. The streets were empty. Taking bus to MRT was out of the option, since it'll take longer and yes, I must admit I was already late.

After the long taxi ride to Sengkang, I reached about 7.15am. Right on time. I was greeted by the view of people in red T-Shirts that hover around the place. Even the taxi driver asked me what's going on, hehehe.

I got to practice my arts on Andrea's arm, since she offered. Quite freaked her out with the design of heart and arrow that I drew, hehehe. She asked me to soften the design, hence I added the frills surrounds it. Dee was fulfilling AiPei's request on drawing Elmo on her hand, at the same time Andrea was drawing Batman's symbol on Jun Ming.

Monkey see, monkey do... Early creativity and Jun Ming's demanding customer's expression

It's still too early in the morning and hence we got some quality time together, meaning draw on each other's body parts, hehehe. I guess it's just like the balloonists on the next stall who wore their creations, we got to show that it's okay to doodle on oneself, hehehe. Here are some of the results...

The early morning customers were quite scarce, because none of the kids want to be the guinea pigs to some questionable-looking-semi-adults, hahaha. Well, they tend to want to see other kids take the plunge first and prove that it doesn't hurt. So I got my quiet moments, that even Jun Ming remarked on me for not having any customer *sigh*. But that didn't last long, when throngs of children started haunting our vicinity. I mean it literally... haunting, and hovering... it's like pairs of eyes tried to look at you and your creations while you're trying to gasp for air. Sounds of angry mothers that tried to get their children in the right queue line for pictures that they wanted, hurt my eardrums. In Mandarin too, nonetheless. Don't need to understand what they're saying to understand the high-pitched tone. I think, some of the children did not even want to be painted upon, but mommies insisted. So I got some requests in Mandarin, which luckily enough I understand, and learned some new things like bu tong (don't move?), to the point of responding to some the Mandarin requests in English. Of course these moms asked me nicely, but the tones that they're using to their children were scary.

The children were mostly cute, and some were very polite as they shyly said "thank you". For once, I was grateful and joyful to be around little kids. And I was touched, as these children trust you so much that they didn't need their mother to be nearby. They just let you touched them and they would just sat there quietly, while some of us making comment about how cute they are. Some would fidget, but most of my customers behaved so nice, I feel like my short Sunday School teaching gig in US was a sham. Compare to the ones that I taught, these kids that I painted were so much nicer. Only one boy came back to me to redo his smudged POKEMON and one girl who's too restless for me to be able to finish her Charmander. One thing I noticed too, some of the Chinese kind of taken aback when learned that I don't speak Mandarin, and the Malays insisted on speaking English to me. I guess I have the 'in between' look going on. I tried to speak Indonesian to some of the Malay kids.

During my short break, I got to roam around the balloonists' stand and laughing at Henry's peculiar garb. Considering how tall he was, the costume plus the headdress made him even vertically longer. Then we came in support for Yihong in her twisting her balloon left and right while it seemed that a crew of a dozen tried to create a balloon dog contest.

Henry's imitation of Gumby :P

The Balloonists' habitat

The second half of the project was a bit more tiring, I guess, because I was tired from earlier plus the bad paint brush that I had to deal with. It even affected the quality that I draw. I felt like a grouchy artist, complaining about the unqualified brushes. But toward the end, I got several requests wanted my original design. YAY! Why does good things always come too short? I only got a chance to draw my design on 3 girls. The first one was on a chubby cheeked girl. She would like me to draw on her cheek too. Too bad that my camera was not nearby. She's soooooo cute. And she said "thank you" too. Awwww... Here are some of the example of our creations...
After the long day, we were invited to the complimentary lunch upstairs. The menu was fried noodle, some turnip dumplings, fried fish cake, curry puff, grilled chicken wings and mee siam. Desserts including Chng Tng, and cake roll. I was cautious about the noodle's level of spiciness and Merv tried his and said that it's not spicy. Too late too disbelieve him, I chomped the noodles... The fish cake was my only fave :P

The day ended with the distribution of the goodie bags. It's pretty much the left-over bags from the National Day Parade, but hey, I'm not complaining. To my surprise my bag was somewhat special, because inside there were about a couple dozens if not more AXE brand ointments. At the beginning nobody was paying attention when I started offering them the extra ointments. Not until I took it out one by one like some illegal ointment vendor. Then I live up to the 'magic bag' remark, especially when the ointment kept on coming out from my bag as though the bag magically produces it. Even when Merv jokingly said stop... It kept on coming. Jun Ming took the picture of me and my 'merchandise'. I shall bug both Merv and Jun Ming to relinquish the photos. Hehehe. I managed to distribute the infamous ointments to Yihong, Merv and some other people.

The Innocent looking bag

The notorious AXE brand ointments

The content of my magic bag

I was dead tired as I walked home, but I thought I had way too much fun. Cheers!

Oh and if you want to know what's inside, here's the list:

1 8Days Magazine

1 Programme booklet

1 coupon book

1 Donation envelope

1 bag of potato chips

1 bottled water

1 Nokia cellphone hook

2 Nokia battery torch lights

2 Akira convenient mini fans

2 plastic raincoats (I feel like this bag fit for a 'couple' with the many twos. *sigh*)

2 Brand Axe ointments (to help with my headaches caused by some people :P)

3 trashbags

4 packs of Belgium cookies

8 Singapore flags (5 with it's pole and 1 flag stand)

10 Inflatable boppers (hey you can use it for swimming too :P )

and some extra complimentary stuff from Dee's bag:

1 NDP flashing hat

1 Peanut bag

1 Chrysanthemum drink

1 Energy drink

I Am Blessed

2006-08-15T15:48:00.000+08:00

Guess which one am I?

I always thought that friendships are one of the best gifts God ever given to me. In my amateurish attempt on poem writing, I describe friendships as colors in my life. And that each one of these people enriches me in different ways. May it be good or bad, crack a smile to my face or bring me down to tears, all are lives that God allows to intertwine with my life story. With the many faces that lingers or passes through my memory bank, I may lost a name or two. I guess my gigabyte is a tad bit full. Not that I'm complaining. It's just shows, how much God has blessed me.

One of my friends from my last carecell in US is very keen on doing scrapbooking. She would create lovely sets of her photos with comments on the memory. Once we asked how could she managed to remember and do all those stuff? She said that when you want to start to do a scrapbook, start with your recent memories, because it's still fresh and easier to do. It's better than trying to remember your past and forgetting your recent memory in the process.

On this post, dated on my birthday, I thought I want to do a part of "Affirmation" project to some of my friends as a part of my life's scrapbook. And following my friend's example, I shall post things I've learned about my new friends. But a bit of disclaimer... I can't include all of them, just the one that more likely will access my blog, which means my current church friends, plus some other friends.

I've prepared this post since a week before my birthday, and it solidifies after some of my friends asked for a birthday speech on my surprise birthday lunch last August 13th. So guys and gals, here it is...

Agus: thanks for giving me the good advice on judging men, hehehe. But don't worry, you're quite a nice, reliable awesome guy, faithful in God too (I just give you plug, will send you the bill later :P). Just wish that your future business in China will bring you much blessing and fortune (sounded so cheesy and 'garing', huh?) Tapi kan memberkati situ kan ga pa pa, hehehe.

Ai Pei: da jie... at first I was semi afraid of you. In a sense, hesitant, since you seemed to be this one very intelectual person, because you're a teacher. Kinda have an allergic thing with teachers, hehe. Then I found out that you're funny, share the same fondness for furballs, and all the other cute stuff. I can talk to you about things of the heart and about faith too, and I know that it'll be safe with you. And to be honest I don't mind to be your information desk. Been missing you since you're under the weather.

Albert: Como esta, senor Wang? Thank you for your encouragement about my singing. And glad that I joined the choir. Thanks for being a cool older bro who's looking over for us all and sharing your pearl of wisdom with us.

Alvin: don't know you quite well yet, so I can't remark or be silly funny to you. Glad to have a new face in the team, tho. And probably you'll be a surprise character too, hehehe.

Andrea: it's been awesome sharing jokes and laughters with you. Actually you're always laugh at my jokes (or something that at least sounds like a joke) and it made me feel as though I'm doing a good job as a comedienne wannabe *grin*. Thank you for your ever ready smile and friendliness and for making me a part of your wedding's entourage, although I couldn't communicate well in Mandarin :D. Enjoyed every minute of it.

Andrew: who's the most handsome of all? Of course you, lor (do I sound Singaporean now? hehe). Thank you for being that friendly face when I was lost in the middle of choir members. Looking forward to sing tenor with you, hahaha. Hey I can do tenor too, but with a soprano pitch, hehehe. I'm quite glad that you're a joyful character to be around with. Still amazed that you took a stab at reading my last name and got it right at the first try.

Audrey: bonjour mon ami! Yeah that pretty much what I know about French language :P I'm so glad to have known you and amazed at your Chinese and 'Singlish' ability. It's always nice to have you around and next time you will have to sing to when we're having bonfire in some other people's living room, hehehe. I remember that old popular French song, and I shall request it for you to sing it next time... La Vie En Rose.

Chris: nice to know you as the new CG leader. And been enjoying your sense of humor. Thank you for making the atmosphere lighter and accepting me as a part of the group, although you just know me. Looking forward to a more livelier caregroup (Considering the population we have now) under your ruling :P .

Christine: thank you for keeping in touch with me and your friendliness has been blessing me. I'm grateful for all the times that you share with me and driving me around in your nifty red car. Wishing you more blessings in your job and family and studies! Stay strong in the Lord!

Daniel: since you're going to read this blog (or because I make you read this, hehe), so I might as well say something about you. Can you see the array of nice names on this list, alphabetized them for you... Nah just my habit to list things :P. Perhaps you might get an idea on the names that you're asking me. Well, my big bro Daniel... (bro ketemu gede :P) What can I say about you? Wish that I've known you from awhile back so I can ask for wisdom from you... and jokes. You are so funny and Fiona is blessed to have you. So you better take a very good care of her. Xiao mei mei here really appreciative of all you've done for me. And... Welcome to the family... HUAHAHAHA.

David: I was surprised when you said that you also didn't quite enjoyed the karaoke in Chinese. I thought I'm the only one that basically blanking out everytime the song was a Chinese song. Enjoyed your sharings during caregroup.

Dee: Thank you for always listening to me yakking and prayed for me. You encouraged me a lot with your wisdom and your miracles. And be there when I shed those unstoppable tears. My shoulder to cry on. Really enjoy our talk from boys, jobs, church and anything in between. Your great faith in God is a great example on strengthening my own faith. Really wish that you're in choir team. I've been blessed with our sharing and bible study. Grazie mille!

Edmond: Wie geht es! Been missing your offbeat funniness. It's like you're funny altho you're not trying to be one. Thank you for being a great brother who listens and supports and also a great shopping partner. The sales and shopping malls kind of different without you around, hehehe. In my broken German: Bruder Edmond, dankeschoen. Ich bin mogen wiedererkennen mit du (do I get it rite? I missed the umlauts and am using English grammar instead, hehehe)

Elaine: you're such an inspiration. Always happy and seem to always have something to say. You have a great sense of humor, and create this livelier atmosphere wherever you're around. Really admire your energy and your joyfulness. Will make sure to book you for our parties, hehehe. So you'll be in the pictures more often.

Estella (Waying): another friendly face that I am blessed to get to know. You helped making the atmosphere lighter when we're visiting the nursing home. And you're always ready to greet me as though we've known each other for awhile. Thank you so much for your friendliness. Good luck with your new job!

Gabriel: buddy! So glad to find out there are another artistic soul in the bunch. You got to teach me the ballroom thing. Hip hop... well, you can ask Janet Jackson, hehehe. Me no coreographer, just move with the flo. Really enjoy singing the bass with you, hahaha. And now after you read this blog, me waiting for your comment. Or I shall haunt your blogggrrrgh.

Gary: my fellow actor. Seeing you on stage was a treat especially during the Christmas show. Yes, I still remember. Great rendition of the "Chicken Little meet the Wise Men". Thanks for keeping in touch with me and wish you all the success on stage and on your daily job as Clark Kent, hahaha (borrowed your famous photo with Mr. Lee :P)

Gene: I hope you're not tired of being treated as a novelty just because you hailed from South Africa. In a way, I remember the time when I was one of the two Asians in my old highschool in Portland's suburbia. They treated me like a doll. I hope we're treating you OK. Don't mind the chilli and the weird food, I have some reservations against some of them too :P. You have such a brave spirit and on the same time soft spoken. You always make people feel important. Looking forward for sharing more smiles and laughters with you.

Grace: Thank you for encouraging me and praying for me. You are such a caring person, considering that you hardly know me and yet you decided to start blessing me with your prayers. Hope that God's favor be upon you and blesses you even more in your job and your life.

Jay: I thought you're one of the nicest guy I know. You are such a sweetheart, a gentleman and your future wife is one lucky lady, hehehe. It's so funny to think that you may not have the memory (as you said so yourself) to remember everybody's stories or their particulars, and sometimes even a face, and yet you're readily offer your friendship anytime. You're newfound love in God also such an inspiration. And you're always kind and like to help people. Nice indeed.

Jeffry: another nice guy I know. My only friend when I reached Singapore, my fellow semi-American :P. Thank you for 'babysitting' me by bringing me to church and introduced me to your friends. I know you're not one of my new friends, but you've been a blessing to me since I came here. I don't know what would I do without knowing you. You truly are a great guy and friend. Sorry that the Chinese lesson thing didn't work, hehehe.

Jon: can you do a spell check on my blog? Sometimes I think it's weird to think that I know a lot of these people because of you. So, I'm never short of being grateful when I remember that you're a part of God's blessing for me. Although I feel like strangling you one time and hugging you the next. Sometimes your actions reminded me of my sometimes-annoying cousin, Matthew. You have a gift in evangelism and reaching out to people. That's quite impressive. Oh and dry sense of humor is good than not having any whatsoever, hehehe.

Junda: thank you for being a great addition to our group. Your humility and readiness to assist people are commendable. Thank you for everything.

Mark: want to know what's inside my fruit salad? It's mayo mixed with all vitamins A, B, C, D, E ,F G... :P . All the good stuff, so no need to worry. Great having you around as a new additional member.

Natasha: great to know you! And yes, you can't run away from my camera too, and now my blog. Thank you for a great time talking and getting to know you. Looking forward to visit your crib in Mount Faber.

Patrick: thank you for being friendly and it's always great to have additions to the caregroup. Hopefully our rowdy happy gang won't scare you :P

Peishan: did you ever notice that when we're talking, our topic would be about movies? Not that I'm complaining, though, I enjoyed every bit of it. And must admit again that you're a natural born writer. Such nice compositions and exceptionally good use of language. I should just hire you for those darn essays in college. And perhaps the both of us should do some "Ebert and Roeper" show. I'll be like the 'Paula Abdul-character' who thinks all movies are great, hehehe. Two thumbs up!

Yihong: It's just too bad that you're not the CG leader anymore. I got to learn your willingness to serve other people and your willingness to get out of your comfort zone so that people can be with you. It's so fun to be able to do some shopping with you, although our taste in fashion is different, hehehe... But really enjoyed the heart to heart talk when we got a chance. Sometimes that's the plus side of having a girl as a leader. We got a "mom", that will take care of us, hehehe

OK, I'm hearing the music start to play signaling me to get off the stage and end my speech. To everybody else... especially the one, you know who you are (I'm so good at making people feel special, aren't I? :P), thank you and love you much. XXXOOO. Hehehehe.

Give Thanks... Always

2006-08-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

Visitation to some nursing home was not my cup of tea in the beginning. It's a new environment for me and sometimes something new can make me uncomfortable. I must admit that I was an unwilling participant at the beginning, but I pushed myself. Life is not always having fun. So at first, I thought I was doing some moral duties and treated it like a chore.

After several visits, I was wrong. I must admit that it's still not easy when I was around these nice elderly ladies, but at the same time I was also having fun. True that some can't even speak English. But I thought that's the fun of it, too. I did a lot of smiling, nodding, just trying to make them happy. I got some memorable moments too... As awkward as I already was, during the very first time of my visit, I was accidentally spited upon during feeding time. Now I can call myself a veteran and run for cover before that happen, hehehe.

The St. Theresa nursing home is a very nice place to visit. When I entered it the first time, I got a feeling as though I was back in time when I was so little and in front of me is this Catholic church with the bells and chants filled the air, and lush greenery filled the background. I can even smell the fragrant of previous lifetime when life was so much simpler. It's like I was watching some old 70's romantic movies.

The residents are sweet mostly. Probably because some of them I couldn't understand at all, hehehe. But there is this one lady who is such an inspiration, she can put my good life to shame. Her name is Bertha. I'm not sure how old she is, but when I met her the first time, she was doing her exercise on the small garden near her room. The first thing that you noticed right away was that she's crippled. Both her legs were already amputated and her hands were pretty much shriveled with only one pinky finger left on her left hand. But when we started talking to her, she only had gratefulness in her comments. She is one of the most positive person I knew. She encourages people around her, even to the likes of younger people like my friends and I.

Today I spoke to her and she told me that in everything always give thanks to God. WOW! She even managed to change a negative lady that Yihong's ministering to become a more hopeful person. She didn't let her handicap imprisons her in misery. She felt that she has a calling to be able bless people around her. Things that you learn when you least expected. I must be able to be more grateful in everything I have when somebody like Bertha can just say it lightly as if there's no cares in this world but God.

With some of the nice ladies after their Bible Study

That's me in between Ayong and Bertha

After the visit today, Danny took us to a good place to eat Yong Toufu. It's always nice to be able to hitch a ride in a car, hehehe. It's Danny's favorite, that he even took his clients/ colleagues to eat there and have to drive a long drive from Tuas (I'm not even sure where that is, but I just readily agree with everybody, pretending to be knowledgeable, hehehe). I must admit that the food is good, although I have to fight my way through just to finish a chunk of crispy fried tofu. Darn my braces.

Being with my Singaporean friends makes me feel as though I'm in some kind of Singaporean fave TV show, "Makan Place". We always in search for that nice place to eat and sometimes somewhere new. Want proof?

The before and after

And here's a picture of the restaurant's signboard. Oh and don't panic about that floating head... Jay always trying to be in all pictures, hehehe.

And as Anne's ritual when she's outside... always ready with one snap of a group picture.

Bernard (Jay's old school mate), Yihong, Jay, Waying, Danny and I

Fireworks at Lavender

2006-08-10T14:33:00.000+08:00

This year was not my first year in celebrating the National Day of Singapore. But it was the first time I'm in a different place than my living room. Although the celebration was not at ground zero, the atmosphere was still as festive. My second time celebrating this special day for Singaporeans and I was in the midst of them this time.

I'm posting several scenery pictures that was taken from Grace's balcony. It was beautiful. So Daniel, I dedicate this blog for you. So you can feel the Singaporean atmosphere through my blog, hehehe... And the smell of Duriansss. I don't think you'd mind that do you? Here are some pictures taken from the balcony...

Here's the fireworks short video that's captured with my camera. (The sample photo was captured by Dee's camera, I just took the video)

I got to show off my culinary skill by serving my "Dutch heritage influenced" fruit salad. Actually glad that my friends like it. Was worried for a moment. The who's who of our caregroup was there, plus our new member Gene. We watched the fireworks from the balcony and it's kind of funny whenever somebody yelled, "Fireworks!" People would started to run outside. It's just pretty similar reaction as though somebody yelled "Fire!" :P

It was a clear night and we can hear the festivities too... through TV, hehehe. We could only hear the boom of canon and fireworks from afar off.

After the fireworks died down we settled on a game of "Blokus" or practically watching other people played it. Singapore Idol contestants serenading us on the background. Then of course the much awaited group picture.

The event of the night was closed with the trip to Durian mongers in Geylang. It's awesome to witness Gene's Durian experience.

The night was closed with funny smells and laughters :)

More and more...

2006-08-10T14:01:00.000+08:00

I guess the topic of my photography been broaden lately. I love taking pictures of friends and people. I joined the choir, so low and behold, I met new victims to my camera, hehehe. It's kind of embarassing too, when at first I took the picture I don't even know all their names. But it's all good. Just want to say to them that "I have arrived!" :D Better get used to this paparazzo :P

back row left to right: gabriel, andrew, tricia, lijun, cuifen, jun ming

front row left to right: anne, shawn (the birthday boy), beng eu, gelene

Names: Major credit to Jun Ming

Anti-"Ageing" TIPS

2006-08-07T13:04:00.000+08:00

If you walked through the street of Singapore, there are a lot of people distributing flyers for companies they're working for. This time, my mom got this one random flyers, about some "Anti Aging" serum (see picture). But what's makes it interesting is that the little flimsy flyer put some tips and jokes about how to stay young. Their approach may be a little bit defeat the purpose of the serum itself, plus the spelling mistake on it, but in a way, it makes the little flyer more memorable.

Here's what the back of the flyer says:

Anti-Ageing TIPS

1. Drink at least 8oz. glasses of water a day, starting from wake time
2. Sleep at least 8 hours for 2 days in a week
3. Sleep only with cleansed and well moistured face
4. Use and SPF-15 day cream & a really good eye cream
5. Avoid sun between 12-4 pm, as much as possible
6. Move your bowels everyday (twice a day even better!)
7. Exercise, play sports, walk a lot... move that body
8. Eat well, don't smoke, drink only wine
9. Take supplements if necessary
10. Be happy and laugh often

Ageing Jokes (What a difference 30 years can make!)
1971 Long hair
2001 Longing for hair

1971 Getting out to a new hip joint
2001 Getting a new hip joint

1971 Rolling Stones
2001 Kidney Stones

1971 Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2001 Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1971 Passing the driver's test
2001 Passing the vision test

Well, some of the advice to stay young was kind of a bit out there, especially the wine drinking part.

"The grass is NOT greener on the other side"

2006-08-03T11:51:00.000+08:00

"Before I knew Your name, You knew my every breath

Before I found my way, You knew my every step

Before I knew everything that I need, You gave it all to me

No greater love than this, that You should lay down Your life

For someone such as me, I spend a lifetime wondering why

The beauty of Heaven is here in my heart, and I know there can be

No greater love..."

Those words came from Rachael Lampa's song "No Greater Love". The song has inspired me a lot, especially when circumstances of my life seem to sing a negative tune. One of these days I shall perform this song. I'm playing it right now on my iTunes repeatedly and at the same time memorizing it.

I read about the "Man healed at the Pool of Bethesda" in John 5. I've heard this story quite a bit before and sometimes you're getting used to what you hear without even gleaning and really hearing the story. And I quote:

"Now a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He said to him, "Do you want to be made well?" The sick man answered Him, "Sir, I have no man to put me into the (healing) pool when the water is stirred up; but while I am coming another steps down before me." Jesus said to him, "Rise, take up your bed and walk." And immediately the man was made well, took up his bed and walked. But the one who was healed didn't know who it was, for Jesus had withdrawn, a multitude being in that place. Afterward Jesus found him in the temple, and said to him, "See you have been made well. Sin no more, lest a worse thing come upon you."" (verse 5- 9a, 13-14)

There are many times, if we want to look at other people and see their successes, we think, "The grass is greener on the other side." And sometimes our own negativity blinded us from the blessings that already been promised to us as children of God. Our own negativities often left us infirmed and hopeless. But Jesus readily touched our lives and encourage us to get up and get on with our lives. It's like there's nothing to this "infirmities" of the world. And when Jesus touches a life, that life will be turned upright and uplifted. But once you're healed remember that the way of sin is pain and suffering and bondage. We need to train our thoughts and remind each and everyday that "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13). Notice that the word "strengthens" is meant as present tense, and not past or future. It's meant for right now!

All in all, even as the Bible said, the man left Jesus without even acknowledging Him; left Him without even knowing His name. Jesus just readily extend His help before we even knew Him. and often times, in good situation, we just celebrated and let Jesus 'withdrawn', hidden, behind our happiness. Just remember that in every state of situation we're in, there's He who loves us most!

Note: All Bible verses are taken from the New King James Version

Fidelio

2006-08-01T23:35:00.000+08:00

I went to a couple of interviews today. I must say that both of these companies are part of miracles that I've been waiting for. I've been out of a job for awhile and I've been down and out mentally. And after the blessing prayer that I received last July 10th (I shall blog that too), although it's not an instant answer, it's an answer nonetheless.

Now as this night grew my mind started boggling again. The day was starting okay, but as I was nearing the job interviews, I got some lectures again, about behaving like an ungrateful kid and what not. All I did was just being nervous, hence my attitude became a bit cold. I got 2 interviews waiting back to back and while trying to maintain my composure and stay positive, I got a pep talk that I'm not 'all' that. It's not that I'm blaming the talk too, because I did feel that I do some of those bad stuff too. But was it a good time to say so and bring it up, that was my concern. I needed encouragement, not criticism that so 'lovingly' be labeled as correction (and to all of you who are keen with Proverbs, please check Proverbs 12:1. That verse been used to taunt me. I wanted to reply back with Ephesians 6:4, but when will it ends? And then she would say that I may read the Bible but never act as how a good Christian should be. I almost wanted to blurt out, "What about you?" but that would be called a total disrespect, and asking for World War 3 to break in my living room. So I just quietly swallowed everything again). Sometimes that's why I don't like telling my parents that I got interviews lining up, because I'm afraid that these things happen and I don't have the energy to fight. I know that it's good that they care and I am very grateful, but sometimes I felt as though I'm being smothered.

Authoritarian parenting aside, I went to interview 1. It's an Italian company which offers services for Italian businesses to open their offices/ branches in Singapore. I was very interested, because they're dealing with fashion, food, and other Italian products. The thing was the working hours. The interviewer only told me that it's not going to be a 9-5 job, the hours will fluctuate depending on the business. But I was elated after the interview and from the sounds of things there will be a second interview.

Then I went to interview 2. It's a government company which offers me exposure in event management field which I was also interested. This is only a temporary job, though. The interviewer told me that the working hours is as posted on the door, a.k.a. the 9-5 job (but I learnt a bit in Singapore, that those things are non existent, meaning the "9-5" is just a term, this company starts at 8.30am to 6pm... There!). I was keen on this job at the beginning, but after learning more about the first company during interview, I got confused.

Later on I learned that even job interview 2 may not really offer me a 9-5 job either. Especially in event management you can expect to have a lot of overtime, but just in case things not working out, I can get out in 3 months time. It's not that I opted for a way out soon before I started working, but what if the job doesn't suit me later on? It's always all nice and flowery on the beginning, but there's the possibility that the "image shown is larger than the real object" type of deal. And then here's the thing with the working hours again. So you people who are working in US, I think you have to be grateful with your hourly rate plus overtime pay; because once I step in Singapore there's a thing about being thick-faced and ask what kinda of 'overtime' benefit you would get. 'Cuz hun, you may ain't got none. I was so used with the automatic 'union-ized' working time and pay, I keep on forgetting that things are different here. Those things don't apply no more. I felt like being a part of a cheap labor in this well-oiled society when I joined my previous company.

Another thing that bothers me, that when I started to take on the job, I may not be able to be with my friends and my ministries as much. So where should I go? I'm just going to rely this one solely to God. Unless I want to settle with some boring desk job that will guarantee the perfect timing for clocking out (doubt if there's any in Singapore), I have to pray for a miracle that such creative and interesting job with great timing and pay does exist. I mean I love my ministries, especially my singing, and my friends and the thought of having to give them up... *sigh*... It's so hard. I just have to stay positive and think positive and believe that everything will work out. Claim it all with faith!

Semper Fi!

"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13

Cap These...

2006-07-28T16:05:00.000+08:00

I feel like taking advantage of my friends, hehehe... Well, since I practically bring a camera all the time, I managed to capture some of the moments of my adventure in Singapore. And this time, before I even upload the results to my friends, I'm blogging them first, hehehe... Copyrighted by me, of some sorts.

My camera is like my second handphone now, can't leave home without it (sounds like some credit card slogan, hehehe). And since I don't have the patience of doing paper scrapbooking (and way too expensive too), I might as well use this blogging facility as my scrapbook.

Yesterday my friends and I went to jog at Labrador Park near Harborfront. Yihong asked us to hang out and do the sport with her. Me, not much of a runner, I just walked. In our little healthy attempt trip, of course I managed to snap some precious moments.

Dee and Yihong running with action. Yihong actually want to audition for "rap" video, hehehe...

You'd think that a road kill would be furrier and plumpier, not flat with fins...

The culprit was caught in the act. Andrea was actually proud of her feat. And she managed to run over the poor thing with bicycle? Things that makes you go hmmm...

Holy mackerel, is that a bird, is that a plane? NO! It's Wonderwoman with her catch du jour :P

Jay was pretending himself in the next F4 music video, copying airplane movement, hehehe.

The participants of the night. Aren't we just goodlooking people?

The part of our favorite pastimes... FOOD! One of these days, I shall blog all of our consumptions. We're so richly blessed! *Note to self: Please count calories later*

Awwww... aren't they cute together? Phileo love... BROTHERS, k? Hehehe...

Read this on the news today... Interesting! Hehehehe

Some sweet spot that we found, that may be fitting for taking wedding pictures. Well, blame it on both Andrea and I for hunting the nice view for a photoshoot and saw that the seaview was cluttered by cargoship. So romantic, right? Unless you're some Leonardo DiCaprio wannabee with some ship identity issues, hehehe.

That's what friends are for

2006-07-23T18:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was fun fun fun. All the losing streak that we suffered couldn't even doused my frivolity. But that was later on the day. Let's count the moments...

Lunch @ Yishun

To tell you the truth, I was kinda worried at the beginning of the day. Things were not so smooth at home, so I hope that my mood wouldn't cast a gloomy forecast while I'm playing host. I'm trying to be the mediator of several friends that belongs to two different world. Doesn't mean that's just because some are from different countries, but I think different exposure to the atmosphere are also a matter that need to be considered. I told my Singaporean friends that Indonesian kids tend to flock together, and in that case, I'm the odd duck. It's just sometimes we're a bit, shall we say, exclusive. So I was kind of worried that one side or both sides of my friends refused to meet me, just because they don't want to bother to get to know the other group. Although they might say yes one moment, the thought of last minute cancellation sometimes plagued me. To my joy, my friends... one by one appeared at Yishun MRT.

It turns out my Indonesian friend, Yan, was quite friendly and very much... talkative. I was afraid that he would be a bit closed up toward new people, like he did awhile back when I first met him. Well, this time he's the opposite of that moment. He was en route from Shanghai to Indonesia, transit in Singapore for 3 days. He jovially shared his fun experiences while living and studying Chinese in Shanghai; from witnessing people turned into a living 'satay' in China's public train to unshaven Chinese women with their 'you-can-see' shirts (it's a tank top, but Yan has a way to call that certain piece of clothing). Well, he's living to his reputation as being the center of attention... per-usual. Truthfully I felt bad for my other Indonesian friend, Jeffry, who didn't get to say much of anything.

On the other hand, I want to say kudos to my caregroup friends, who made them feel welcome. I urged Dee to start speaking Chinese to Yan, to test his new ability in speaking Chinese. We laughed a lot in that small Yishun hawker stall. There were not a lot of choices in food, but the company was good. I just enjoyed the moment and savored all the laughters. I made an addendum comment to Jay later on... I'm 'envious' toward Yan... In a way, he's the typical tall, goodlooking and charming guy. People are taken by him as soon as they get to know him, doesn't matter boys or girls. He's one cheerful, spreading-joy-to-everybody kind of guy. I am learning from anybody and everybody around me. Take all the positive things and remember to actually execute it.

Mihai, Jeffry, Yihong, Anne, Yan (the tall one), Dee and Jay in front of some bulletin board in Yishun Station

The game of "How Low Can You Go"

Nope. It's not a limbo game, hawaiian style... The later part of the day was spent mostly in Orchid Country Club, where I was trying to prove time again that I'm a very capable Bowler... to srike a consistent zeros most of the time. I was representing our caregroup, with Jay, Dee, and Mihai. Shall I say, I was using Yihong's name in vain, since she asked me to play instead of herself. So her name may be up there on the score board, but my sorry ass was the one rolling the ball to whichever directions. That took efforts you know. At least I got a chance to practice my right biceps a bit. Just hope it wouldn't turn up to look like Popeye's with the way I was handling the ball all the time. "Anne! It's not a dumb-bell." Duh...

The place was crowded with who's who from the church, from our charismatic Unit Leader, Elaine to ... well, whoever else with familiar faces, hehehe. (Can't you tell that I'm still quite new in this church?). Unfortunately my 'iron-pumping' efforts ended in the first round. Not that I'm complaining.

While I tried my darndest to roll the bowling ball, Yihong was having a good time with my camera and actually caught several interesting photos such as these proud 'papa' wannabees... Please return the kids to the rightful parents, boys... hehehe. Well, actually Jay's was caught by me, but I just put these pics side by side... cause it's just fun, hehehe.

Papa Jon and Papa Jay

After the fun fare at Orchid Ball... we were being dropped off by Jon's friends to Yishun MRT in his nifty yellow car... (can't re-call the make of the car, hehehe, but it's very yellow... compact car). From Yishun bus stop, Mihai, Yihong and I took the free bus tour to IKEA and then sumptuous dinner at some hawker place close to it.

I would like to thank all of my friends for participating in this fun day event. You all ROCKS!

Happy 4th of July

2006-07-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

If Christmas has its cozy Chestnuts song, the memory of celebrations for Fourth of July mostly brought some growling to my stomach. The memories of barbecue grilled in my open backyard, from steak to California Honey BBQ ribs!!! Oooh the sweet aroma *drool* Got baked potato, fries, rice pilaf, coleslaw... Oh the many pounds and calories that I have since lost, hehehe. Life was sweet.

And then the fireworks! I kinda disappointed with myself for never visited the Waterfront when all the hullabaloo was happening. In all my 14 years in Portland, I was always being content watching it through the comfort of my family-room's TV. Well, I was not too keen on being in the middle of suffocating crowds, with the mix of light-weight booze and crying babies. My neighbor sometimes also provided us with fireworks of their own, so being cheapskates, we just pulled our folded camp chairs and enjoyed the festivities on a clear July night and had a full tummy complete with grand time with family members.

Sigh... This fourth of July I just reminisce about the place I once called home. Just like the songs played many moons ago amidst the crowds... GOD BLESS THE USA!

Random Fun Activities

2006-06-28T15:29:00.000+08:00

Survey says...

Well, unlike some of me frens' posts about the Language of Love, I thought I would post this one instead, about my level of friendship survey result that I got from Ai Pei. For my language of love result, since I thought it's a bit surprising (my own opinion) for me, hence I'll just keep them to meself. Some of my friends already know what type am I anyway. But here's the "Friendship test"...

You should pick your Supportive Sidekick

The Just Between Friends Test

Brought to you by Tickle

Kore bideo wa motto kawaii desu nee...

I found these short videos from www.ifilm.com and featuring one of my fave furballs... CATs, hehehe. For all the cat lovers to enjoy :)

Note: These videos from ifilm may take a while to load. Patience is a virtue me frens, hehehe

A Walk To Remember

2006-06-16T16:15:00.000+08:00

The weather was cool. There's hardly any sun, the trees and the ground were still damp from the light shower. Time like this, plus a serenade from Lisa Ono's "I Wish You Love" really made me feel nostalgic.

I uploaded some pictures to my friends today, and couldn't help but feel that I'm always surrounded by people. Things that sometimes I took for granted. I'm still amazed at how I'm blessed by having these friends.

To tell you the truth, I'm loosing a sense of 'friendliness' as I grew older. I wanted that peaceful serenity, a solitary comfort where I don't have to explain myself to others. And yet at the same time I'm craving attentions. Perhaps that's the inner performer in me. That's why perhaps, I'm trying to keep my social circle to a minimum. Other tried to include me in, but I refused to add more people to the picture perfect that I have framed for my life.

I shouldn't do that, I know. It's just that sometimes hard to give up your comfort zone and get to know some other people other than the ones that you're already familiar with. And luckily, most of the time I'm being surrounded by a nice bunch of people. But I'm having a hard time adding to what I have. In a sense I just don't want to send a ripple to the fragile sense of security in familiarity.

As I uploaded the new set of pictures, I can't help of opening my older faces of memories. People that represents history and stories of their own and had intertwined with my life. Although some of these people maybe far from me now, once upon a time in my life, they penciled in their colors in my life.

Some of these pictures below are taken from my sister's online photo collection. She's more into uploading all these pictures than me. I have more pictures of old friends but they're not available online or in digital version.

And then the now picture (altho I thought I look like deer caught in the headlights)

From one karaoke scene...

...to another

Things that always bring smile to my face...

One Love Song

2006-06-06T18:45:00.000+08:00

Today was supposedly marked the halfway of my original permit to be able to stay in Singapore. I'm supposedly go to ICA (Immigration) to report myself and prolong the stay until the original November schedule. Of course things change now. I was already granted a PR and so today by grace I don't have to worry about it. Just in case you didn't notice, today is June 6th, 2006. Yeah, almost a triple six kinda deal. Even Hollywood has a movie out about it already. The OMEN... blah, watever, it's just another horror flicks, like there's not enough of those already.

Anyway, beside my obsession with movies (as Jay said, hehehe), I just would express my gratitude that I'm blessed. Problems both by my own making or by circumstances may come my way, but in everything I know that I'm never alone.

I'm very grateful for my dad's health and of course, to everyone who already prayed for him. And to everybody else who are facing storm in their lives now, just have faith that it too shall come to pass.

When I was still in US, I found this mainstream, or you can call it a secular song about love. But the lyrics touched my heart, it's as though the song was directed for my faith to God. I believe that God can use anything for His glory, well, this song is one example. It may mean different things to different people, but to me this song was a love song that's quite inspirational. It's just like that "You Raise Me Up" song. But I heard this song first before the Josh Groban's version during the Superbowl (I think) opening. This song was sung by John Hiatt and several others, and the type of music would be like Joe Cocker's type of song, pop mixed with soul. Or if you're not familiar with who Joe Cocker is, well, perhaps, the new American Idol, Taylor Hicks could carry this song pretty well too. Click here to hear of the sample song (available only for 7 days time).

Sometimes amidst things that we're facing, we tend to depend on our strength and forgot that God can help. This song reminds me of the small faith that Jesus asked of us if we have faith as big as a mustard seed that we're able to move mountains.

Here's the lyrics to the song:

"Have A Little Faith in Me" by John Hiatt

when the road gets dark

and you can no longer see

let my love throw a spark

Have A Little Faith In Me

and when the tears you cry

are all you can believe

give these loving arms a try, baby

Have A Little Faith In Me

Have A Little Faith In Me

when your secret heart

cannot speak so easily

come here darlin'

from a whisper start

To Have A Little Faith In Me

and when your back's against the wall

just turn around and you will see

I will catch you, catch your fall

Have A Little Faith In Me

Have A Little Faith In Me

I've been loving you for such a long time

Expecting nothing in return

Just for you to have a little faith in Me

You see time, time is our friend

Cause for us there is no end

And all you got to do is have a little faith in Me

I said uh

I will hold you up, I will hold you up

Your love gives me strength enough

Have A Little Faith In Me

Some songs can really bring tears to my eyes... But yeah, in everything, at least have a little faith in Him who love us.

Confession of a broken heart

2006-05-03T18:35:00.000+08:00

Yup ladies and gents... my heart is definitely broken. Who broke it you might ask? Well, that's a different matter. I've told my cousin yesterday about this too. And she laughed so hard when I told her who did it. You might be too.

Nope, it's not someone (I can hear the voices of disappoinments). I'm hungry, hehehe... I was actually curling on my bed last weekend because I can't even eat anything. Yup, like a symptom for falling in love or broken heart but this is the other way around. The doc that put the anchor for my braces didn't do his job properly that there's some small sharp metal that kept on grazing my tongue each time I moved it. My tongue bled really bad. I can't eat anything solid, hardly able to talk and drinking was such a chore. Meanwhile my beloved family was very sensitive as to cook (errr... they either bought it or made my maid cook them) me some of the best smelling food. I know they meant well, but I could just look at the food and be depressed and ran to my bed and just suppress my tears (LOL). I smelled all these nice delicious food but can't have them. Hehehe...

Enough for my preamble...

>^.^<

Marche on April 30th...
Anyway, I want to post some pictures that I blurredly took on April 30th. Yup some of us went to Marche to celebrate Jon's birthday. And yeah my heart already broken from that point on too. Too much nice food and I couldn't even enjoyed them. If you don't believe me, ask everybody that was there. The only one that I can totally enjoyed was just the nice Apple Soda with Sour Plum juice. That one was awesome. I ordered the mashed potato with gravy which was also OK. And the pork chop was quite nice too. I practically only eat a quarter of it. One of these days I shall take my revenge and go there to order me some steak.

And these are some of the lucky people who can enjoy them. Andrea, David, Edmond, Yihong and Jon. It seemed that my camera also felt my pain, so the pictures turned out blurry, hehehe. I know lame excuse. Perhaps Edmond can donate some nice ones from his camera :)

But that was a fun fare. Soon after that some of us went to enjoy some shopping time. We cleaned up Heeren a bit before moving on to The Paragon and closed it at Takashimaya.

>^.^<

The New World
For some reason I was expecting

The New World to be something like Pirates of the Caribbean. I was totally wrong. Which is good. I was quite familiar with the story line. Just in case you guys are not familiar with American history, perhaps you would be familiar with Disney's cartoon version of "Pocahontas". I knew the story because I was accidentally bought a novel about this. So not even the history class taught me that. Anyway during that time (junior year in High School), they were teaching me 'The American Civil War'. Yucks big time.

As Charles Dickens's "Tale of Two Cities", I can also re-phrase this to Tale of Two Johns... hahaha. The heroine, Pocahontas was the Indian Princess who helped some of the earlier settlers in America. And as much to her father's disdain, she fell in love with the roguish and charming Captain John Smith. Well, history stirs clear of the mushy stuff of course, but their stories had become more than just history and a legend for a romantic tale. Of course at the end Pocahontas became a Christian and adopted the name Rebecca and married to another. And his name was John Rolfe. In the novel that I read, it seemed that John Smith had no choice when he left her and he was wounded badly when caught in the middle of confrontation battle between her clans and the settlers. She believed him to be dead and his body was brought back to England. In Disney's version, John Smith was wounded and brought back to England and buh-bye for now (hey it's a kids show). In the movie, John Smith was offered a choice, either to lead a crew in search for the Indies or just gone caput, he chose the first and then news spread that he got shipwrecked and died at sea. Later on John Rolfe, a more soft spoken guy entered her life. Picked her up when she's a broken person and helped her to become whole again. He was more, shall we say, the boy next door. He had his own version of charm, but it's more toward being a gentleman, since unlike John Smith, John Rolfe worked more like an officer. Smith was the first love and Rolfe was the one she settled with.

The things that I learned from the movie is the difference between Mr. Right and Mr. Right Now. You can totally tell the difference, in the movie. But in the real world, in your own personal experience, those things are blurred. Smith offered those passionate, fiery relationship while Rolfe was a gentleman and did everything by the book (in modern lingo: a tad bit boring). Smith would romance the pants out of you while Rolfe was more sacrificial. When both Rolfe and Pocahontas learned that Smith was still alive, Rolfe gave a choice for Pocahontas, since all he wanted was for her to be happy (major big *SIGH*), even if it meant his loss. Luckily, Pocahontas head screwed correctly, at the end after she faced with her first love, tho she still loved him (or what we made to believe), she decided that she'd stay with the one who loves her the most and returned his love.

It's kinda funny to think that Colin Farrell, the bad boy, should play Smith. Well, except for the brunette hair (Smith was reportedly blonde in real life) Colin has the persona. He's ruggedly handsome... I used to think he's cute, but not anymore, hehehe. Meanwhile the supposedly calmer perhaps homelier chap Rolfe was played by Christian Bale. Uh huh... cast 'Batman' to play the second fiddle why don't you... very nice choice, hehehe. If I were Pocahontas, I would go straight to Rolfe without even blink at Smith, hehehe. Yeah I wish life was that simple. Having a gentleman (darn goodlooking too... hellooo... It's Christian Bale! I used to have a friend who I thought resemble him, Mr. Ryan Tuttle. And he's also a sweetheart, hehehe. Good luck for you in NYC or wherever, Ryan!) to love you wholeheartedly like that... *sigh* hahaha... (OK this painkiller really mess with my head).

Beside the mushy stuff... the thing that I like about this movie was that it offers a nice cinematography and the way it reduced the ridiculousness by not having the actors speak to each other most of the time. I think it's more realistic than having Pocahontas all of the sudden know how to speak English. So the story between the 3 of them are mostly done in narratives. It's like listening to some love poem (like poems by Yates or Lord Byron or even Shakespeare's sonnets but less horny, hehehe) being read while the actors acted upon it. Very nice choice, mr. director... whoever you are, hehehe.

>^.^<

Constant Gardener

Well, in the spirit of critiqueing a movie... I saw another good one. The Constant Gardener, starring Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz. Toward the end of the movie I caught an interesting dialogue between the lead (Fiennes) and his co-star (Pete Postlethwaite) regarding women:

Brandt (Postlethwaite): I only give food to the women, Mr. Black. The women make the homes. The men make the wars... and hooch. Adam was God's first draft. He got it right with Eve. You tell that to your readers, Mr. Black.
Black (Fiennes): It's a philosophy that I learned from my wife.
Brandt: Cherish her, man. Cherish her. (Women are) One of God's finest creations.

All the ladies in the house say AMEN! YEAH, GIRL POWER... hehehe

>^.^<

Voice from the past
Lately a guy that I used to date... oh about 3 years ago... start communicating with me again. I thought that was a nice gesture of him to try to update with me. It's kind of funny to think that he still remembers me. He was surprised to learn my whereabouts, hahaha. Halfway accross the world from him. I thought that was funny, considering both of us already moved on with our lives.

OK people don't start assuming anything. We're just friends. I just want to blog about this out of my amazement that he remembers me. Dats all :)

Hmmm enough talking... errr typing, for now

The Price to be Perfect

2006-04-29T17:41:00.000+08:00

If the title sounds deep, well, it's not, hehehe... Starting today, Anne probably would not be as communicative. Some of you probably breathe a sigh of relief. The reason... I started to wear braces today. Yup, the doctor just put the anchor in today and it hurts really really bad. And by Tuesday, there will be bling bling on my teeth. Not diamonds, but those metals. Yup I'm definitely a late bloomer.

How am I going to enjoy the birthday party tomorrow? I don't even think I can make it to the BBQ party tonight with my ex-colleagues.

HAIZ...

The Starfish Story

2006-04-26T17:48:00.000+08:00

I'm just going to blog about this little short story replacing what I wrote this morning...

I hope this can be a blessing...

As an old man walked the beach at dawn,

he noticed a boy ahead of him picking up

starfish and flinging them into the sea.

Finally catching up with the boy,

he asked why he was doing this.

The answer was that the stranded starfish would

die if left until the morning sun.

"But the beach goes on for miles and there are

millions of starfish," said the old man.

"How can your effort make any difference?"

The boy looked at the starfish in his hand

and then threw it safely to the waves.

"It makes a difference to this one," he said.

Often we're tired and wanted to give up. But to be a blessing is priceless... one person at a time...

And I re-quote what Pastor Andreas of MDC and Pastor Kong of CHC said: "People don't care how much you know, untill they know how much you care."

Much Ado About NOTHING

2006-04-26T12:17:00.000+08:00

I'm glad that Shakespeare was brilliant enough to ink that sentence, so that I can just plagiarize it for my own good... Or I'll be speechless as what I should put as my title for this blog.

I have been blessed by many people since I came to Singapore, but it seems that certain things are... well, it's getting old.

Personally, I am timid, lack in self control, weak in the flesh, emotional, lacking in PR skills, don't like confrontations, and as much as my little walk in faith, I am fallible. I can only claim everything to God and let Him be the judge.

But when I saw people surround me starting to attack each other, I realized something else. Something has succeeded in making a group of young people who are eager to serve God fall into pieces. Yes people are different and flesh is weak. And I felt as though now this something is happy about the situation.

I found a quote from a movie "Bicentennial Man": What's right for most people in most situations isn't right for everyone in every situation. For some reason I feel it connects with the Parable of the Sower on Matthew 13. How do you view your own heart? Do you treat others as God would want you to? And is that heart (yours or others) a ready soil to plant the Word of God? Is your own conduct can bless other people? Are they really blessed or you're just imagining it? Are you the sower who is careful as to where to throw those seeds, or just blindly throw them according to your will? Or are you the birds, the stones, the thorns... etc. Please people... adjust it accordingly.

I got hurt a lot when even my parent uses God and the Bible to point finger of condemnation at me. Luckily God was too stubborn to let me go, and hence I never bitter at Him. But is this what we will ended up with? Using God's word as a way to attack one another? I thought the word of God are tools to bless people, especially our fellow brothers and sisters? Are we building each other or plundering each other? Are we understanding the word of God for our own purposes? "Hearing you will hear and shall not understand, and seeing you will see and not perceive; for the heart of this people has grown dull." Isaiah 6:9

It hurts me too when people I cared about start to hurt each other. I don't want to side with anybody, and my struggles (my importants and not importants) are different from everybody. So I can't judge why people behaved and acted a certain way. And yet, if we choose to bicker just so that people will see our way, when will it end? Wait until we become NOTHING as well? "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand." Matthew 12: 25b

The reason I was not rooted at another church (after my first church fall apart) the last several years in US was because something like this too. I saw the ability of people who called themselves as Christians hurting one another, and then other people... the hypocrisy of it all. I'd rather bless people as much as possible and slowly letting them know that I am a part of God's children, rather than announcing to the whole world who I am but yet not behaving like one. I am not ashamed of the Gospel, but I don't want the Gospel to be ashamed of me too. It's not an easy task to do.

Just like a quote in my old post... The quote that I've got from both Pastor Andreas of MDC and Pastor Kong of CHC: "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." Another one from Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV), "A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

But the title of this blog is description on how I feel.

Curtain Call

2006-04-22T22:26:00.000+08:00

So here I am... Finally gain back my freedom. My last day at work draw to a close today. I practically dragged the till today just to end it. I thought I would drop everything on Monday, and yet I stayed until today (Saturday). But I was actually having a good time, although I kind of helping my colleagues doing some cleaning up labor.

Things that I noticed and what I learned from the whole thing. Sometimes people don't appreciate a good thing when it's presented to them and taking it for granted until too late.

I thought that I would say goodbye to some of my clients since I won't be rendering my services to them anymore. Well, about 2 weeks ago, I was sending invitation to dinner to the UOB Asset Management kids. My senior told me about the company's culture to invite clients to dinner, hence I enthusiastically done so. They're nice kids, made some of my tiring nights a bit bearable. However none replied back. The ones that replied were because they're out of the office and it's an automated reply. Very nice indeed. So this time, I was telling them goodbye plus reminding them about the invites, and not expecting any replies, although I was not surprised when practically all of them replied back to me. I was touched when they offered their well wishes to me. And some told me that they regretted because they won't be able to 'see' me in person, since I won't be there at the dinner.

I'm not saying that they're missing out seeing me, but why wait until a "dramatic" incident happen before they responded to a dinner invitation.

But I left with a good feeling too. I bought some food and drinks for my colleagues. Although there's no going away party, people are stopping by and talked to me, but they didn't really brought up the fact that I'm not going to be there anymore. For once that place feels like home. Everybody was calm and actually had a good time working. A colleague told me that I will be missed because I'm one of the friendliest in the company. Some asked for a way to keep in touch with me. And these are the ones who I don't communicate everyday. They just felt assured to see me sitting at my spot and be around them. Ironically they asked for my name cards, which starting this coming Monday most of the infos on it will be invalid (From all the 18 boxes of my name cards, only 3 ever went to clients. The rest went to my friends, hehehe...). I'm glad that in my short period of me being there, I could be a blessing for some people. Things like these are the ones that made me feel sad to leave the company. I wished that I have the energy to handle the job and I would've stayed on longer.

In a way, I can appreciate how Jesus felt when He fed the 5000. I only fed not even 1 percent of the people that Jesus served and I can feel blessed too. Being a blessing is a good feeling.

Closing Time

2006-04-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

I came to the office today. It's an Easter Sunday and the office was empty, altho there're still a lot of commotion on the basement because the production people were working. Not me... The office was peaceful, quiet and dark. For once it looks as though the office was a promising place once again. But of course in reality it isn't so.

Enough is enough.

It's just so sad that I only lasted about 6 weeks in that place. In a way this place had granted my PR status. But is my health the price to pay for it? Lately I'm hanging by a thread and it's getting very thin everyday. I can even take it physically. It's not about whether I like the job or not, but it's eating me alive. The pay was not up to par to what we have to do. The word exploit... as Ai Pei said... rang loud and clear. Most the people who worked in the office are Filipinos, Chinese, Malaysians or Indians... There's only a few Singaporeans, and considering this is a Singaporean company... errr yeah.

People who work in this office want to be able to stay in Singapore. And the price to pay is really high. No wonder not a lot of Singaporeans want to do this. I came in with 3 other girls. One Filipino, 2 Singaporeans and myself. Guess what? The 2 Singaporeans already gone from the office now. One lasted for a couple of weeks, the other one, a bit short of one month. The Filipino doesn't really have a choice but to stay and be a trooper or she'll be out of the country. I got one more Singaporean girl who join us about 2 weeks. And last Saturday she also talked to me about quitting. I'm staying in the office also because I felt bad for my colleagues. Tho I don't think I'm much of a help either.

I am counting my blessing that God is giving me the luxury to get my PR status granted so fast.

Now... my struggle would be whether I'm willing to loose all my commisions if the company decided to cheat me out of my rights. To some of you it may not be a lot of money. But to me, it's my sweat, blood and tears, no matter how small is that amount. My colleague said the company did not pay commision every month, but whenever they feel like it. And you better keep tab on what you've earned or they'll cheat you silly. And from what I hear, they only pay about once every 3 months. Am I willing to risk not getting it? Money is important, but is it worth my health, my sanity, my soul? I don't have a lot of time too.

My grandma told me that I'm not a pauper that I have to slave for that amount of money. But on the other hand, it's what I've earned. I've tasted my first taste of greed. Money. Will I be a slave to money? I know that in a way God will repay me back of everything I've earned and everything that I've done. But the devil is attacking my conscience by telling me that I didn't do enough to deserve God's attention.

I can only claim everything to my God as I read Psalm 35 today...

As I walked home from the office, I got teary eyed. I felt defeated, although in a way I know that God have taken care of me, by having my colleague backed me up. But now, I felt bad for my colleague. This battle is not my own. God only knows.

I SMSed my aunt in Portland... wishing her Happy Birthday. I wish I can say happier things to her than "I quit..." news. I really missed having her around...

Happy easter...

"Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"

2006-04-10T21:04:00.000+08:00

....or in this case by Anne... To all of you SNL (Saturday Night Life) fan ol’ timers, you might know the Jack Handey bit. It’s basically some random character who acclaims his thoughts to be deep. Of course if you know the show at all, they’re all just silly comments. Well, I wanna do that kind of format for this posting.

Deep thoughts #1
Do you know that I forgot my login name for my own blog? This blog. Hehehe… I remember the password but not the login name. That’s a first. I must be “that” burned out :P I have to go thru the whole "remind me again, please" routine, hehehe. What's my name? Hahaha

Deep thought #2
I think the company that I work with is hacking thru my personal e-mail account; somebody that works there. Why would somebody do that? So unethical. So if you are the person who’s got nothing better to do than checking out my e-mails and which sites I’ve been going thru... Read this… “YOU AIN’T GOT NO LIFE!” *Ahem*… *Calming down* Perhaps because I came from the quiet and laidback town called Portland, I’m letting my guard down. (Hehehe, considering Portland is housing INTEL Inc. :P)

Deep thought #3
Do you ever ended up staring at someone not because he/ she’s handsome or beautiful but the other way around? I don’t want to be rude or anything, but I thought this girl looked ‘unique’. She has two very small eyes, thick glasses, small nose and … whatever… I won’t say the rest. But to me she just look so unique, made me look at her several times, because although she’s not pretty at all, her face was proportionate, tho I think some parts need to be fixed really bad. It’s not a scar, it’s something fixable and don’t need plastic surgery.

Deep thought # 4
I had a “wedding” dream last night. I was being fitted for my wedding gown. I don’t want to interpret it as anything, but the good things of course, hehehe… Well, not sure about whom am I marrying, which kinda sucks, hehehe… but someone was there. Don’t know what his role yet tho. Hehehe…And of course this was not my first wedding dream or the likes, but in my previous dream… long time ago, his name was my groom’s name. But since that dream, I encountered quite a bit with that name, so it’s like… whatever, hehehe… and here back in Asia, encountered some more… haiz… I don’t want to get stuck with a name tho…

Deep thought # 5
Has the connection with the above topic, I think because of this I dream what I dreamt. I saw a pretty white dress on Zara yesterday as I went shopping with Ai Pei, Edmond and Bernard. It’s a semi formal, not some cocktail dress. I want to wear my party dress, but Andrea wants people to wear white for her wedding… My whites only belong to my shirts and office clothes. None of my party dress is white. It’s not very flattering you see. Makes you look big in the wrong places. But I may buy that dress for Andrea’s wedding after all. It’s still wearable for other functions. Tho I still think it’s a bit too expensive. It’s S$145… about US$90. Dude… that’s muy expensive-o, hehehe. I probably can score a dress like that at Limited for about US$75. Or the GAP (they probably only cost US$65 here)… Or Banana Republic… *sigh* missed those stores. Yeah, I’m still converting things to US$.

Deep thought # 6
I cried watching Narnia DVD yesterday. When Aslan died. I know that the story based on the Bible and it hit my heart about the sacrifice that Jesus had made for me. Yup, I’m simple that way. I didn’t cry when I watched Passion… or perhaps I did. But I found things that didn’t really work with me on Passion (maybe my expectations were way too high and I didn’t think the movie delivered), and for Narnia, it’s easier to digest, because everything is in a “parable” rather than interpretation (tho the acting not as good as Passion)

Deep thought # 7
This person can make me happy or sad. Lately more sad. Maybe I’m just tired :P

Deep thought # 8
I’ve become a zombie lately that even Jay and Ai Pei commented about the dark circles under my eyes. And when my friends like Dee, Emily, Jon and Edmond started helping me to look for another job… it’s that bad, hahahaha… Dude, I forgot my login name. Harharhahahaha...

Deep thought # 9
I have a burden for one of my colleagues. She reminded me of the people that I left in US, the ones that supposedly I ministered. She’s a nice person and often asked about my well being, where I should’ve been doing what she’s doing. I felt helpless sometimes. Being a Christian and actually show it is hard… I keep her in my prayer for now.

OK that’s it for now… got to re-submit my resume to the internet…

Dead Week

2006-03-23T21:52:00.000+08:00

I'm all alone in my office now, doing nothing but waiting on orders that never come on time and it's already 9.53pm. At least as I started to type this blog. This is my 4th day in a row, I'm going home this late at night. But this time I'm totally alone, since the rest of my colleagues already gone home. Might as well just use the facility to play around.

I wonder about life now. Perhaps I do have that artist mentality that you should just enjoy life, then again perhaps, I'm still too American to understand that in Asia, people don't understand to the term, "Stop and smell the roses". I mean, working is a part of life... yea. But dude, there's time to stop too. I saw the fatigue on the faces of my colleagues. I wonder, is it worth it? Some of my colleagues hardly sees his/ her family. Their home is at the office. Wow... I wonder if I too, one day will get sucked up in the rat race. I hope not. Live to work or work to live... *sigh* Like my case at the moment... It's not by choice I stayed behind. The company that I'm rendering service does not stop working until late, hence I got to follow their rhythm... or quit. The thing is, this is my first job in Singapore. Should I expect this for all companies? My colleagues said that this only happens, during the financial statement period. At least twice a year. Oh well, we'll see. This week suppose to be the dead week. Hahaha... Remembering that term from my final weeks at Uni. Dead week. So so true.

Anywhoo... Hmmm, I want to write about this one song that stuck in my head these last week, but I guess it has to wait, since now is 10.35 and I'm leaving :P

PS: I'm adding this at home now...
Captain's log 11.29pm... hahaha
One more thing I noticed... when you're too tired, you become forgetful. I ate salted fish fried rice for ta pau dinner... and I planned to bring it home, since I only ate half... and so, mixed with the never ending amendments, phone calls and fatigue, I left it there. Boy of boy, it's going to smell tomorrow. I hope not, but oh well. And I misplaced my notes, well, things kept on being misplaced. Hmmm, so maybe if I meet you, I'll be like this, "Oh your name is Donald? I thought you're Daisy." Hehehehe...

Jokes for the day :)

2006-03-20T13:31:00.000+08:00

Just like what Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood church use to say, "I'd like to start today with something kinda funny..." Oh how I miss listening to his Sunday sermon on Channel 56 :)

Anyway, I got this joke from my friend, Thomas... So Tom, if you read this (doubt it, hahahaha), me need more supplies, pronto. Laughter is the healthiest vitamins, people!

The Life & Times of Kok Beng
============================

Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
He says it's because below 18 is not allowed...

---

Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Kok Beng: "Do you have color TVs'
Salesgirl: "Yes, we do!"
Kok Beng: "Then give me a green one, please."

---

Kok Beng is filling up an application form for a job.
He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc.
Then he comes to the column on "Salary Expected," but he is not sure of the question.
After much thought, he writes "Yes."

---

Kok Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Kok Beng: "What is that shiny object?"
Salesgirl: "That is a thermo flask."
Kok Beng: "What does it do?"
Salesgirl: "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Kok Beng: "Ok, I'll buy it."
The next day, Kok Beng goes to work with his new thermo flask.
He brags to his colleagues, "My new thermo flask keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
"Well, what do you have in it?" a colleague asks.
Kok Beng proudly replies, "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream."

---

Kok Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it.
When he encountered some problems, he decided to use the 'Help' command after some trials.
Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer vendor for support.
"I pressed the 'F1' key for help, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody comes and helps me," he complained.

---

Kok Beng went to his doctor with two red ears.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang--
but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "That must have hurt very much. But .... what happened to the other ear?"
Kok Beng answered: "That stupid dumbo called back!!!!"

---

Kok Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator, "Could you please tell me the time difference between Taipei and Las Vegas?"
The operator replies, "Of course Sir, just a minute..."
Kok Beng says thank you and puts down the phone.

---

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite some time, Kok Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY five months to do it," Kok Beng brags.
"FIVE months? That's too long!" the friend exclaims.
"You are a fool," Kok Beng replies, "See this box, it is written there,
'FOR 4-7 YRS'."

---

At a bar in New York, the man seated to Kok Beng's left tells the bartender, "Johnnie Walker, single," and his companion says, "Jack Daniels, single." The bartender approaches Kok Beng and asks, "And you, Sir?" Kok Beng replies, "Tan Kok Beng, married."

>^.^<

Ring My Bell

2006-03-16T23:18:00.000+08:00

I dunno why I was so hyper today. I was busier than before and yet I felt more alive. Yeah, maybe I need to be busy. But to tell you the truth, after last Tuesday's meeting at Church of Our Savior, I felt lighter. Not that everything is gone, but I was just happier.

Wednesday was another "milestone" in my life. I received my PR card. I'm a Singaporean... well at least for 5 years. And with that I can apply for my own mobile phone. To some of you, you might not understand why that's important to a person like me. Well, it's a momento that some of my prayers have been answered. I've been a vagabond all my life, born in Indonesia, live in America and now settling in Singapore. To me Portland is always be my home sweet home. But still when the lady in the Singtel counter asked for my ID (IC in Singapore :D), I handed that card confidently. One of my prayers, was that God will grant me a place to settle and I was too slow to recognize that my prayer has been answered. Of course when I prayed, I was still in Portland and I want to live in US forever, but I was flexible about Singapore, tho not too sure about Indonesia (unless something else happen of course).

Another thing, my friend Darren, reminded me about the fact that I'm a working person, and that I can stand on my own two feet. I felt that I'm starting to belong in the community, not just mooching up the country, not that Singapore will mind, I don't think. Hehehe... No matter how I feel about my job, it's still an answered prayer. Jon told me not to loose focus... I agree, although I feel that I'm placed there for a reason. I hope I'm in the right direction. Que sera sera...

So yeah, I'm writing this post for my new cell phone. It's a reminder of my answered prayers. I'm so hyper that I wrote a silly e-mail about it. And even gave the wrong number to a client... GASP! Oh well, she can always call my DID. I'm yet to memorize my number perfectly. So yeah, call me! hahahaha... or SMS me.

"Toast!" ... Random picture of me and my Indo buddies, Agus, Roland, Jeffry and my lovely cuz, Sisca at Sentosa. Yeah, we talked about our inability to speak Chinese too :D

Mannn! I'm sooooo tanned now. :( My 14 years of hybernation in US gone down the drain.

Collide

2006-03-12T21:14:00.000+08:00

As I walked through the busy path of Orchard today, I received a rose (now some of you people would know why I carried a rose, hehehe). I know it's nothing special, it's just some commercial gimmick from a bank. And yet, how sometimes small coincidences like that brought up memories like a surge of geiser.

I thought it's just weird that sometimes a person that matters most to your heart doesn't really care or take you seriously. Awhile back ago when I was still in the States, there were small things that I can count as miracles. Once... It was one of my birthdays, I forgot which ones, but I think I just got my heart broken (yupyupyup one of those crappy puppy love, tho I wasn't that 'puppy' anymore hehehe). SoI just went out with my friends to the summer carnival at the waterfront. I was alone for a moment while my friends were lining up for Umqua Ice Cream. And then all of the sudden there was this young man, caucasian, stopped infront of me and just openly stared at me. I just returned his stare for a moment and then looked somewhere else, pretend he's not even there. And suddenly, he just tapped my arm casually and said, "You are very beautiful," and after saying that remark he left. I could only muster a weak: Thank you. My face was beet red. I was in between confusion and elation. Somebody actually something nice about me. A stranger. It may mean nothing, just like that piece of rose... little things that can cheer me up. It was a part of my birthday present from God. That was just an example.

Now... sometimes a million roses and a million praises can't replace a single recognition from loved ones. That's what bothers me sometime. I shouldn't care too much probably. But shall I say that so far I never received a single rose from the person that I like or love or whatever you want to call it? I've received roses yes... but it was never from the right person (hahahahaha... *sigh*) Just like that song "Collide" by Howie Day. In other news... my mom doesn't believe in special treatments, so different from my aunt. It's like I belong to a wrong family. Maybe I should be cold too, not to care about what people think or feel. I wish my life was simpler that way. Sometimes I feel so lonely in this crowded place...

I don't want to complain about not receiving special treatments. It's just I thought it was sad that I should get it from someone else beside loved ones like my family... But sometimes... talking from a personal experience, there's nothing wrong to shed a little sunshine on someone's life. Just consider it a blessing if you can make someone happy. You don't have to do much or spend a lot of money, but just show that you put an effort in it, I'm sure that person would appreciate it.

And I also have to say I'm sorry to people that I've hurt before because of my neglect. I know how it feels, it hurts...

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me... :-D"

2006-03-05T21:27:00.000+08:00

About love... what it means really. The Bible says it best in 1 Cor 13 of course. It's practically read in all weddings. Well, at least Christian weddings. And to a hopeless romantic like me it's like a reason to sigh more... hahaha... Yeah, it's more than that of course.

I went to CHC with my sister today. There's a drama, taken from a true story that happen last year. A Christian man whose neighbor was a non-Christian. Christian was being judgmental about everything, but with his wife's prompt, he began to open up and befriended the neighbor. They became friends and then both changed each other to be a better person. One day the non Christian found out that he's in stage 4 of Cancer. He's dying. But because he seen the care that the Christian guy showed, he and his family accepted Christ. Soon after, he died. And he was saved. There's a reason for everything. And God loved that non Christian enough to let him be saved first so that he goes to a better place. *sniff sniff snort* (I seriously cried on seeing the performance) One of the lines that the actor said, "Love is worth to be taking risk for". True true...

God is love. And today Ps. Kong was taking examples from Luke 10, Matt 8: 1-3... basically the point that Ps. Kong wants to make was the human interaction. Jesus didn't come to preach, he came to love. At some point he stretched and embraced a leper. Love means to deny yourself and care more about others. Learn to understand and see the life of other people more than about you. The focus is not on you.

Mark 5: 21-24, 42-43 ... What did Jesus do? Concern about human needs. Don't shove the gospel down someone's throat. Soul winning is about preaching through your life. Do your best and trust God to do the rest. And again... People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.

Yeah I guess, I'm not talking about romantic love. But for me, I am trying to be as sincere as I can. Of course, I sometimes entered relationships; might that be friendship or something else with a selfish thought... what can this person do for me... while it's suppose to be the other way around. Just like "Count of Monte Cristo" would say, "I'm just a man (or in this case... a girl), not a saint" :P. But especially in a romantic relationship, although the need to be loved is my main concern, but I also stirs clear from playing with people's hearts. Often some of my friends and relatives said that I lack of tact or too brash, and too naive... but I thought I was just being honest.

God knows my hopeless romantic heart... But yeah, Love... For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son... (John 3:16)

All By Myself

2006-03-02T23:30:00.000+08:00

Today was not my day. I tried so hard to be happy and be smiling from ear to ear. But those smiles are empty. Yeah, a good way to bless people, huh? I tried to greet people, but none answered, not a great morning. And you know what, when you fall, you just keep on rolling down. I was way too early to the office. Almost half an hour too early, so I checked my e-mail. Lo and behold, it’s empty… EMPTY!!! Not even a single junk mail. What the heck? Is this some “Let’s avoid Anne’s Day?” Yup it’s one of those days.

Things picked up a bit, because the hustle and bustle of office work took away my self-pity. Yeah… I really need some calories, hahaha. I ain’t a coffee drinker, so to keep me awake usually I eat. My colleagues are nice, but just like Ai Pei said… I don’t really have communistry with them. Considering some of them are Indonesians too. We always hung out at the closest hawker place near the office that even the tea stall uncle memorized our order already. “Teh peng…? (Iced milk tea)”

And I noticed something else in our behavior. We got lots of silent moments. I remembered when during Hope caregroup we talked about silence and yet is still praising… well, this ain’t the case. It was so awkward; I’d rather go back to my office and stared at the computer. It’s so empty. They’re trying to include me inside their little group, but lately I’ve been in a comfy zone of being around Christians, I’m hesitating. God what can I do? I hung out with these people too, in America. How do I show them about Him, without “in your face!” attitude? Everybody is tired, I think it’s not just physically, but on the inside too. And usually in this situation, God seem redundant. I’m battling with my own will, myself. What if, I’m not being a good example? Won’t it just mar His image? Some of them would really try to fit me into their atmosphere. God, why can’t I return the favor? I should get out of my exclusivity mentality and started blending in again.

But yeah, I’ve experienced this before… To be honest, my friend… If you’re far away from God, although people surround you, it’s a tiring and lonely world.

My First Day... of School

2006-03-01T22:47:00.000+08:00

Hahaha... Seriously tho. Last Monday was my first day of work. My dad actually drove me to Newton MRT, because he didn't want me to be late. And then on the second day, my mom walked me to the bus' stop and actually waited until I safely tucked inside the bus with the other 'kids'. The only thing missing is just the white picket fences and my lunch box... And the fact that the bus wasn't yellow... *sigh* I missed America. Darn, I miss my car, Duchess.

Oh well, like a good student, I got to the principal's office aka, HR dept. early. The appointment was supposed to be at 9am. I was there at 8.45am. And guess what, HR lady came out... ooo... only a little bit after 9.20am.

She then took me touring the campus, and the pressure of being a new kid was resurrected all over again. All these people looking at me... Fresh meat. And then I was being seated to my classmates. Luckily this ain't Highschool anymore, I didn't meet a queen bee and although I couldn't remember everyone's names, I'm glad that I'm being in a group with Indonesians. I think it's a friendlier territory. And they helped me to get through things.

I'm very grateful for them.

Ooh and today, I got my very own namecards, hehehe... They're pretty... What a dork, hehehe

The Case of My Box of Chocolate (Concluded)

2006-02-25T23:30:00.000+08:00

Just like Forest Gump movie, "Life is like a box of Chocolate, you don't know what you're gonna get..." Life is sweet. But sometimes too much sweets can create some damage to your teeth too. :P

With things that happening to me from few days ago to today, I was feeling down. I'm tired, suffocated. I got a fortune cookie once, and the paper slip inside said, "Be careful of what you're asking for, because you may receive it." I kept that little piece of paper, because I thought it's kinda cool. And then as much as you can claim all the positive, sometime the accidental negative also come crowding up the space. Or you just can't handle all these blessings, you tend to forget Who give them to you in the first place. And your hand is too small to hold on to them. And one by one it falls from your grip. Well, I'm learning to give them back to God, since His hands are bigger than mine. I just take them one at a time instead of grabbing them with my grubby hands. I'm a people pleaser and that's not healthy. Somebody knows what I'm talking about ;) The rest of you just think of this as my babble... Hahaha.

I was also 'nagging' God to give me a job. He answered and now it seemed that right after I decided to take one, I got more interviews than ever before. I have a trend of receiving 2 interviews in one day. What's up with these people? Where are they when I need them? I just turned down one today. These interviews are for this coming Monday (Dudes, I'm working already). Since I thought that he was not really open about my "overseas" degree, and he's not flexible with time. And time is something that I don't have. He didn't specify the job at the beginning, I persisted and he relented. And it's doing insurance. Nah, I shall pass. I shall try to come on the second company. I hope this company is what I think it is, hehehe... Then I shall deal with the rest later. I'm taking it one step at a time.

With all these in mind, there're also additional personal things came to my wreak havoc in my peace of mind. Relationships... (darn... I need a personal diary, I guess, hehehe). So when I went to CHC today, I didn't give a full attention to God. It's just like what the Hope carecell was talking last Friday. It happenned to me. I tried my hardest to sing with my heart, but it felt so heavy. But I kept on singing. Trying to praise Him... I got teary eyed a bit. I got to cried out loud too, the good thing of having a praise and worship session at Expo. I can scream my hearts out and nobody would hear it.

Well, just like a belated reaction of drinking too much coffee or tea... the 'caffeine' from my overzealous praise and worship kicked later... On the way home, especially at Newton station, there are many Mormons roaming around. (Err... if any of you are Mormons, perhaps you should stop reading, hehehe... Don't mean to insult anybody, but this is my honest opinion.) All these pretty young ladies in long skirts and shirts came in twos looking for somebody to convert. Some of them were Indians. As much as my body was tired, I was looking for a fight too. I was listening to my iPod to Michael Buble's "You don't know me"... How coincidental (title only). When one of the girls smiled at me, I purposefully took off my earphone. Here I am... bring it onnn! Soon that girl took her chance at me. She's Indian. Her partner was white.

... err... to be continued, hehehe... me got to catch some zzz... for church tomorrow (those paragraph above are unedited confession of a girl who's very tired yet hyper. It may look different tomorrow, so read it before I edit it, hehehe)

Today is the 28th and I guess it's time for me to finish what I've started, hahaha...
Oh well, where was I? OK, the Indian girl introduced herself to me and asked me whether I know her church. I said, "Yes." And I told her that it's usually called as Mormon. She said that it was good to me to know about it. Prompted by her, I told her that the founder was Joseph Smith. Ding ding ding! Correct again. I almost blurted out that's he swindled money too, but looking at her face, I didn't have the heart. Anyway, I'm not sure whether it was Joseph Smith who swindled money or the ones who had lots of wives... I think that was Brigham Young, oh well, whatever. Something in me told me not to be disrespectful. She's not attacking me, I shouldn't be in the offense either. Meanwhile, on and off she was looking on the cross on my neck. She was rather hesitant to 'convert' me. As though the cross was deflecting her. She then tried to ask me about my faith. "Why do you think there are many denominations in Christianity? Didn't you ever think of that?" I said, "No, I'm quite secure with my faith." I want to say, what about your belief? If you don't want to take it as a cult, ain't it at least can be one denominations also? But I kept my mouth shut. She said about the lost scroll by Jeremiah, the prophet, and an extra revelation from a different land... (yeah, its called America, girlie!). She wanted to go Da Vinci Code on me. I mean, Mr. Smith got some revelation from an angel name Moroni? Err... Moroni? OK, I shall not continue with my line of thought. Hehehe... And then she asked me whether I would like to visit the church. Since my attention was toward the oncoming bus, I didn't really hear her and I said yes. You know what? Even she was surprised, hahaha... And then I revised my answer. She wants my number, I didn't give it to her, but I asked her number, she gave it to me. Maybe I can pray for her instead, hehehe. I wonder if I called her, she would probably assigned me to some other "higher" level sister. They always do that. So that they can battle it out with me. As they left, I said, "God bless you!" They responded... almost... with some garbled words. It's as though they want to returned my courtesy, but they hesitated. I dunno whether they said "God bless you" to people too... Perhaps that's just the Christian thing. I felt better after that. I can bless them although only by wishing it to them.

Then an older gentleman came to me and told me, "It's a cult!" I was like ??? And he told me, "You're good. They're not right!" I told him, "I know, since I'm a Christian myself." And he again praised me and he gave me a tract. Presbyterian. He invited me to come to his church. I blessed him too as he get on his bus. I was feeling much better. Holding on to the Mormon card and the Presbyterian tract, I smiled. That older gentleman should hand that tract to the Mormon girls and not to me, another Christian, no matter what denomination I belong to. I just know that I belong to my God.

Improve the way you speak, Improve the way you serve

2006-02-23T18:20:00.000+08:00

Wow, I don't know that my heart's utterance would invite more comments like my last post. Once again thank you for reading it and thank you for supporting me. Now, I really really have to be careful on what to say next, hehehe... Just kidding. One of these days I will be pouring my hearts out again. I think :-P

So funny, that I may be able to talk about anything but matters of the heart, a.k.a. "crushes" cause "that" person might read it and imagine how red my face would be, hahaha... Plump red tomato came to mind. OK I'm high... on sugar. (The topic... Make you perk up, doesn't it? Hahaha)

Just a little update on my job search or watchamacaulit. I shall have no qualms for now regarding my new job, that I supposedly start on Monday. I really want to like this job, really. I'm not made to job hunting, so when I noticed that a lot of things amiss with this one, I'm in a dillema whether I should take it or move on. The thing is, I don't have the luxury to keep on searching for that perfect job. Now I realize the term of "Time is money" more than ever. If not for the money, hey, at least I need to get a job so that my Permanent Residency legalization doesn't go to waste. I spent money for that thing.

Well, this job maybe the first venue where I got to negotiate to "save" my butt. The contract is pretty stiff. They're planning to make a cheap labor out of me. They don't want to negotiate about the low payment whatsoever, it's just like take it or leave it. I think they know my weaknesses. So my cards laid face open on the table. No matter. But there are some things that I found really worrisome... They're selling product and service... For them to stay afloat, I would have thought that at least they deliver the product, because the service... Maybe because I'm not at the source of money/ profit. But still, you got to make your workers happy first to create the great product, right? Good dynamics, perhaps? Problems: They're late at getting back at me, late at their promises, and non negotiable (but I need to sharpened myself on that subject). But I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. I haven't even started. I should always strive to see the good in everything. In a way it'll turn out good for me too. Think positive, Anne! AJA! :-P I really need to shake my mentality as a buyer... It's not my job anymore, hehehe.

Anyway, in the spirit of business courtesy, I found this post on the back of Today's Recruit. Some manners that perhaps not only work in business world but in 'serving' each other. Adding to my previous post that you need to learn how to paraphrase your words before you spit it out... Hahaha.

Here are some of the worst things you could say to people in your efforts to serve them (I edit and shortened the article below)

by Helen Wilkie (Strait Times, 2/23/06)

Worst: We cannot fill your order until we receive your cheque
What's wrong: this sounds like an ultimatum, and suggests you doubt the cheque would be forthcoming.
Best: As soon as we receive your cheque, we will fill your order

Worst: That's not my area's/ department's responsibility
What's wrong: it sounds as if you don't want to help
Best: The person who can help you with that is ___, his direct number is ___ (note: when you reach this contact person, explain the situation before putting the customer through)

Worst: Sorry to keep you waiting
What's wrong: it focuses the person on the unwelcome act they had to perform ~ waiting
Best: Thank you for your patience

Worst: I'm sorry I did not return your call, but I have been really busy
What's wrong: too busy to think of me, the customer? It's better to not make excuses at all
Best: I'm sorry I did not return your call sooner. I will do my best to find the answer to you immediately. (note: This is your second chance, so you must take care the problem quickly and efficiently, or you'll loose your credibility)

Worst: I will have to speak to the manager about that.
What's wrong: speaking to the manager is fine, but putting it this way sounds as if you're forced to take the action. You need to let the person know you want to help.
Best: I will be happy to speak to the manager about that to you

Worst: This is the wrong line. You will have to wait in line that section
What's wrong: Most people's reaction to this one is: "I'm the customer, and I don't have to do anything. You are the one who have to help me."
Best: Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to help you here

Worst: Thank you for your business
What's wrong: it's cold, impersonal and too commercial
Best: Thank you for coming to us for your (new product/ need for services). We hope it will...(elaborate)

Worst: I don't know, I'm new here
What's wrong: customer doesn't care whether you're new or not. He's entitled to expect your assistance.
Best: I know that sounds like a simple request, but this is my first week here and I have not quite found my way around yet. If you will give me a moment, though I will ask my colleague for the answer. (note: Don't apologize for being new, simply act in a friendly way and remember the answer next time)

Count It All Joy

2006-02-20T13:46:00.000+08:00

Yes people, if you're reading this blog about me getting a job negotiation, you're on the right entry. Especially to my friend, Emily, who encouraged me right before I was calling the company that I will work with. Your timing is impeccable. God bless you! :-) And to Dee... When you said I sounded cheerful, now you know the truth. Now to all of y'all my readers, single, married, and especially the ones who's planning to be a parent. Beware of things that you say to your children. You are prophesying about their futures. Especially if you said it wholeheartedly. I can understand (or not) about my parents background, but since now I know better (and I hope you do too), I have the obligation to break the chain of negativity and fear of failure in me and for the future generation... Future generation, haha... sounds so deep. My aunt once read a book called "The Power of Parents' Word"... I dunno the details, but in a sense it's just like what Proverbs said that the life and death is in the power of your tongue. And as a parent, you're holding the power to make or break your child's future... Often times even other influential person such as teachers, relatives and friends can't undo.

I got a job offer. I was and still am very grateful, because my prayer had been answered. Now, the next step was salary negotiating. Most of my friends said that it's not good enough. I received advise from left to right, encouraging me to claim of what should be. Now, my parent is always have to have the last word in things and so when it came to shove... the bomb drops. My parent said the words such as "unworthiness" and "failing" to my ears and managed to bring up all the failures in my life to surface. Let me tell you something, no matter how nice of a tone you're saying it, a negative word is still a negative word and with it came the negative energy. And I wondered how are they expecting me to succeed when they don't even have the faith in me? Not even once I hear a congratulatory word from them. Well, I didn't hear it during my graduation anyway, maybe I shouldn't expect one now.

I called the HR office and tried to 'negotiate' and all the things that I've learned from the past 2 days from my friends gone like a whiff of smoke. It's still inconclusive, and I'm still waiting from them, I think the company was too busy to deal with my questions too. I just rely on my faith that everything will work for the better.

I think, if you don't have anything good to say... something are better left unsaid. You may point out the weaknesses of your child or someone, but neutralize it by recognizing their positive traits. Not pounding on their heads all the negative stuff about them, it'll be hard for them to recover and to believe that they're more than just mediocre or less. Like me, I'm also learning to paraphrase my wording, because I don't want history to be repeated. Let it stop with me. Use your words as a tool to bless and encourage, for you will also be blessed in return... you reap what you sow. You can never reap a good confident kid when you never sow confidence in them, it's that simple.

Advise not criticize.

Through all this, as hard as it was, I started claiming of what is mine. All the positive-ness. That I'm created unique and talented. I am a working progress, but I believe that I'm changing to be better everyday. In a way, I'm trying to see all these as my sharpening tool, if not, then an example of what not to do. If the world gave up on you there's still One who won't, that's your Father in Heaven. I think there's a song by Jaci Velasquez saying, "Don't you know, He still believes in you. No matter who you are and whatever you do." God saw the goodness in you and believes in you... Who are you to doubt Him? It's as though today was a day of encouragement, my Bible reading schedule fell on Psalm 23. I read it as though it's my first time reading that passage. And I'm holding on to the last verse like a child clinging to the hand of her Father...

"Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me... All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord... Forever."

Special note: I guess, I win some and loose some. I got a job, but the payment maybe not up to par. I just would like to thank all my friends who already prayed and encouraged me. Hehehe... this sounds like the Oscars, I would like to thank the academy of Friends, amigos, tomodachi, cingu deul, teman2x, peng you (OK, people, start correcting me :P)... For praying, believing and advising me. All of you are truly my blessings. Thank you (in alphabetical order since all y'all are equally important) ... Ah Seng, Ai Pei, Albert, Alinda, Andrea, Armand, Bill, Calvin, Christine, Ciuping, Daniel, Darren, David, Dee, Devina, Edmond, Emily, Felicia, Fiona, Gary, Jay, Jaycee, Jimmy, Jeffrey, Jeffry, Jelaine, Jennifer, Jon, Juju, Kenny, Marleen, Peishan, Sylvia, Thomas, Xiao Ming, Yihong, and sorry if I forgot to name some names... :P And also more friends and my family and relatives in Indonesia, Australia, Singapore and USA. Thank you and bless you all! *bow*

Disclaimer: You may think that I'm weak, because I can't get over things that my parents said to me. This sharing was written so I can also re-read it and remember not to do it and be a better person. And a better parent in the future. Again I would like to stress that my parents are good people. And they want what is best for me. It's just that they don't know and won't understand that what they said to me are just not beneficial at all... And now some of you understand where I got to be dramatic :P

Baptism Sunday

2006-02-19T23:55:00.001+08:00

Today I was privileged to witness some of my friends' water baptism at Big Splash. I should say that a lot of teenagers got baptized... I felt as though I was in a rally for some high school function. Especially at the end of the day when they got certificate of baptism and their friends yelled and rooted for them... On the way to the Big Splash, Yihong bought us all ice cream. Like a good Sunday School kids we became more manageable, hehehe... Just kidding. And we got to stroll the beach. Pretty-ness!!! KAWAIII! I thought I was the only one about this issue of anti-tanning, so I was glad when I heard Andrea's plead for an umbrella to shade from the sun. I thought I was the only 'ajummah' in the crowd, hehehe.

Ai Pei and Bernard were the two that got baptized from my crew today. I think only Peishan couldn't make it today. Ai Pei's family came in for support. Some of us asked Jay to be baptized too, I even offered him my scarf as his change, hehehe... And like a gentleman that he is, he only smiled at my joke, hahaha... But him and Edmond, I think, took my picture when I was eating (more like chomping)! How nice boys! Better not be circulated or else! Grrr... just kidding. Yeah on the process of taking the pictures... the ones on the poolside, I managed to get tan, because my umbrella's holder, Jon, shaded himself more than me. How nice! Hehehe... Lost was my attempt to preserve my pale-ness from 14 years being in US.

At the end of the day, we ate at some hawker corner. Ai Pei and I shared seafood horfun and still can’t finish it. We were talking about a German movie titled “Hitler” but in Germany the title supposed to be “Under Dang” (I probably butcher the spelling too) meaning “Under Way”. When Ai Pei didn’t hear the translation, I jokingly told her that under dang means, “Underwear”. Edmond almost turned himself into a Merlion.

Happy Valentine!!! And a character quiz

2006-02-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

Yeah it's Valentine again. And it's the first time I've experienced it in Singapore. The good thing about it, it's a new place and I think Valentine in Singapore is not very commercialized as in US. And continuing the tradition of not spending this day to be treated extra special, I had a good time watching the kids from schools getting those bouquet of flowers. Ah puppy love! How sweet it is :D

But just a note... I thought the effect of being single during Valentine would bring me down, like long time ago. The feeling wears off as I grew older, perhaps because I grew up and Valentine was just not my cup of tea. Nothing good ever came out on Valentine's Day. Talking like a true cynic, hahaha. But perhaps because I'm not expecting anything 'special' in any way, today was somewhat sweet. Maybe I should do this all the time, hehehe... No expectation and then when you least expected something good happen. My friends are such blessings for me ;) Me purring like a content cat :P

Anyway, I thought this time I shall post something else that I've written on another piece of paper, hahaha... It's called:

Herbert V. Prochnov's character quiz:
1. If you found a wallet with $1,000, would you give it to the owner if no one knew you found it?
2. If you could advance yourself unfairly, would you do it if no one would ever find out?
3. If the bus driver failed to collect your fare, would you voluntarily pay it?
4. If there were no locks on any house, store or bank, would you take anything if no one found out?
5. If your business partner died, would you pay his relatives their fair share, if you didn't have to?
6. If you're an employer, would you hire yourself at your salary?
7. If you're an employer, would you like to be working for yourself?
8. If you are a parent, would you like to be the child of a parent like you?
9. If you had a choice, would you like to live in a community with people working in church, civic and community affairs like you do?
10. If you had to live with someone just like you for the rest of your life, would you count it as a privilege?

Other things... It so funny that my cousin in US said that I'm getting a "God Shock" lately, and that I've become very spiritual, although I can say that I got renewed, dats all. The spiritual thing is always there, but it's dried and renewed lately. Meanwhile a friend and fellow blogger, Juju (mind you, she's a good Christian, right, Ju?) nominated me as "Samantha" from the "Sex in the City" fame in her blog. What a contradiction, hahaha. (With Austin Power's voice)"Do you think I'm horny, yeah?!" hahaha. I always thought I’m either Charlotte or Carrie.

Movie wise... And I'm looking forward to see this movie, titled "Daisy"... done by my fave Korean actor, Jung Woo Sung, co starring Korean actress Jeon Ji Hyun & actor Lee Sung Jae. I think even David Chiang made an appearance. Shot in Netherlands, the movie is directed by the Hong Kong's director Andrew Lau. He was famous for his "Infernal Affairs" trilogy. Here's the trailer...

Cute intermission :-P

2006-02-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

Hehehe... I thought I just want to put up a cute video that has been entertaining me and my siblings lately. Just imagine me doing that for the audition, hahaha...

And a clip from one of my favorite Manga... Inuyasha!!! I wish that they didn't stop the cartoon just yet.

Winning a "man of great potential"

2006-02-13T01:00:00.000+08:00

Before I delve into my small sharing, I want to write about my own thought journey…

I went to an interview last Saturday. The interview was not a good one, but I still learn something as I went along. Sometimes I don’t know the reason behind all these. Jokingly, I told everybody that I really want to join the Singapore Idol. Truthfully, sometimes my dream to become a performer still nudge me to pursue it. But sometimes I feel that it’s not meant to be, I tried my hand in performing in US and it didn’t go anywhere. I also think I started too late. The call to join Singapore Idol is very enticing, but with everything else that happen in my life, it seems that I don’t really have the time for it. If I do join this, I have to let go a lot of other things. And it’s not a guarantee either. Yes, I’m taking the safe and easy way out again… but oh well, if I’m to be a performer, God will give me other opportunities.

Back to the interview… Well, my friends from Hope care group were having a day out at Pulau Ubin and I was tempted to go. I love having fun. Who doesn’t, right? I usually choose to play more than work, but this time I was feeling a bit responsible that I even turned down their offer to join them for lunch. I thought I want to prepare my energy for the interview.

The interview was at 5.30 pm. I came there after a little bit of searching adventure. I almost gave up and then I just asked God for help. And again the little miracle from Him, through a still small voice, He told me which way to go and soon I got there. I was early. The interviewer, who turned out to be the director, was late, almost 20 minutes if not more. I thought I gave him the benefit of the doubt since he’s the boss. But I didn’t get a good feeling about this. I never did from the start; it’s like this was not why I should come. It was a group interview. The company was not very promising from the way he explained things, and I don’t think I can be a good candidate for them either. I tried to be as polite and obliging as I could. This other lady and I were the only ones that actually made effort to have some conversation with the director, while the rest was kind of waiting to get things over with. The session was not fruitful. I saw the disappointment on the faces of other candidates too.

As I was leaving the place, one of the candidates from the interview fall into steps with me and we shared our perceptions about the interview. He said that the company was probably small and he’s not looking forward to work for the company too. From job search, we got to talk about other stuff too, got to know a little bit of each other. Now, when I talked to him, there’s a small voice telling me to ask him about his faith. This was triggered after he said his skepticism about the job market. I told him to have faith. And he interjected, "Faith?" and then I told him to stay positive, because what else do we have but be optimistic. If our minds already believe the bad stuff, it’ll turn out bad without we even have anything to do with it. But before we got to know more of each other (since I thought it’s an awkward situation anyway), I closed myself from him and cut things short as soon as I saw the different direction of our trains, and I just wished him “Good Luck!” All I know was just his name.

On my way to my friend, Gary's house in Ang Mo Kio, I was a little bit thoughtful about the whole thing. I felt bad about the interviewer, and I was contemplating my answer regarding Singapore Idol that it’s not meant to be, while this job interview was a dud either. And then after another failed trip to Ang Mo Kio, I got a lot of time to think by myself. What’s this day all about? When I was waiting for a bus home at the Newton Station, I saw this Caucasian young lady talking to a Singaporean girl. She’s evangelizing. At the beginning, I was warmed by the thought that this white girl is thoughtful enough to spread the Gospel so far from home. And then as I looked or more like zoomed (hehehe, to all of you that once made a joke about my Superman's vision) in at the small badge on her shirt, I was troubled. “The Church Of The Latter Day Saints”… the Mormons. And she got this girl’s contact number. Once in awhile while they’re still talking, I would cast a glance at their direction, wanting to “bother” them. What a laugh. And then it hit me. Why didn’t I do the same thing with that guy from the interview? Why can’t I say that I’m a Christian and befriend him? Maybe he was my assignment. And I failed to do it.

The Mormons have a “quota” to fill while they’re on this earth. Or at least that’s how I heard about part of their teachings. While as Christians, God gives us freedom on how we want to bless our brothers and sisters who still don’t know the Lord. In this case, people like the mormons got more people, while we’re not very appreciative about our opportunities. I didn’t even approach that guy; he was the one who approached me. And as much as my heart told me, or more like the Holy Spirit asked me, to ask him about his faith and to bless him, my ego won over and I let it go. Opportunity to be a blessing came to me and I turn it down. I didn’t even have to come to look for it and yet when I got it I missed it. I pray that when I’m facing with this situation again God would nudge me harder, hehehe.

And now here is the sharing part, hehehe...

Last year while I was still in Portland, I heard a sermon by Pastor Andreas Rahardjo from MDC (Masa Depan Cerah/ Bright Future) church in Surabaya when he visited OCBC (not the Singapore bank, but it stands for Oregon City Blessing Church, hehehe). He said, and I quote, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." I wrote that on the back on my Bible. And yesterday as though it's a confirmation, again I heard Pastor Kong Hee said the same thing (I wonder if they traded notes, hehehe). I thought what I heard yesterday had a connection to what I experienced on Saturday.

Yesterday the message was about how to win people for Christ. Often Christians do it in reverse from how Jesus would've done it. Pastor Kong shared the four rules, he used Luke 10:1-5, John 4: 35, 39-42 and Luke 5 as reference:

1. Bless the lost (Luke 10: 5, "But whatever house you enter, first say, 'Peace to this house.'")
2.Fellowship with them (Just like Jesus did in John 4: 39-42)
3. Meet their needs
4. Preach the Gospel

Three things to do:
1. Lift your eyes from your own needs (Eph 6: 8) --> God Himself that will return the favor and take care of you.
2. Lift up your eyes to The Lord
3. Lift up your eyes in the way to see other people (Mat 7:3) --> Remove the log from your eyes and not easily be judgmental toward other people.

When I was still in States, some of my friends who weren't Christians, often asked me why was I different from other Christians that they knew. They said that most of "those so called Christians" wouldn't want to have anything to do with the likes of them or full of condemnation and tried to preach/ force-fed the Gospel to them. And some of these friends of mine would laughed at the street preacher nearby my university who screamed on top of his lungs about the doomsday, while his own life was not a good testimony either (he's abusive toward his own wife and children). Is that what we amount to as Christians? I'm not saying that what I was doing is right, because so far I didn't get a chance to bring them to Christ. All they knew was that I'm a nice person... I hope, hehehe. I think God never gave up on me, because He kept on giving me new 'assignments', it's just that I need to be more sensitive toward His calling and never let anymore chances pass me by. But yeah, be a friend to win somebody's heart.

Yesterday Pastor Kong also said that 'soul' in Hebrew, means: a man of great potential. See... who knows, you may sow a seed on the future great preachers, pastors, evangelists, etc. You are designed with the potential to do great things!

How to be useful and fruitful

2006-02-09T11:24:00.000+08:00

In the spirit of sharing, I just would like to put some of my notes in this blog. I forget when I took this note or where and how I got it, but I hope that it can be a blessing.

Based on II Peter 1: 5-8 (NKJV)

"But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith and virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Diligence - to make haste, to eager, to stretch out toward God, like a runner at the end of a race. Fervent in spirit.
Faith - firm conviction that God's word is true. God said what He meant and meant what He said. It is the tap root of Christian life.
Virtue - moral excellence, moral energy, purity, honesty, courage to stand firm in the truth
Knowledge - practical knowledge, common sense in applying Biblical principles
Self control - the ability to take a grip on oneself. Nothing is master but the Lord Himself. Living a balanced life.
Perseverance - patience, the voluntary and daily suffering of hard and difficult things for the sake of honor and usefulness
Brotherly Kindness - bearing one another's burdens, involved with people's needs. Seeing life through my brother's eyes.
Christian Love - seeking the highest good of the other person. Loving the unlovable just as God in Christ has done for us.

I am also still learning and trying to remind myself about this lesson. Sometimes it's hard to focus on what other people feel and need, especially when we're also stuck in the middle of a situation. But we should learn that God already first took care of us and so it's time for us to let it all to God and we're getting busy taking care of others.

"Life is tough, but God is good"

2006-02-08T14:32:00.000+08:00

Can't believe that it's actually already the beginning of the second week of February. How time flies. Usually during this time in Portland, many people suffered from "Winter Blues", where you got depressed because the sun doesn't shine long enough, and the weather is all gloomy, cloudy, dark, cold and wet. Well, I can't use that excuse anymore in here. Not that I feel down or anything... To better phrasing it... The parties are over and it's time to get down and dirty. No more new year, or Chinese new year or anything else. Well, there's Valentine's Day coming, but people still work and there's not much to celebrate about unless you work for florists or candy confections.

Not wanting "to rain on Singapore's sunny parade",

I had another interview today and from what I understand, my friends are also looking for jobs or just trying to get through the day. Just would like to share something that I read from the Bible today. Since today is the 8th, I kinda thumbed through Psalm 8 also. What blessed me the most was when I read verse 4-6:

"What is man that You are mindful of him,

And the son of man that You visit him?

For You have made him a little lower than the angels,

And You have crowned him with glory and honor.

You have made him to have dominion over the works of Your hands;

You have put all things under his feet,"

I heard a sermon once... I think by Pastor Kong, that Psalm is a book which is summarized as, "Life is tough, but God is good!" I mean, I've read in several others, where there are more encouraging words in this book. Even when I started reading verse 4, I feel that I'm blessed.

Yesterday as I was applying for another job online, there was this company which I think is very encouraging toward its applicants. The big main title of the company was this phrase by Henry David Thoreau, "Men are born to succeed, not to fail." It's not the regular, join our company and you'll be successfull, enjoying this benefits, etc., but by that simple phrase it's as though the company is telling you, that you are capable of great things even as an individual. I think it's great if we can also do the same thing for our colleagues, our friends, our peers. With all the negativity that surrounding us, it's good to be the positive source.

And speaking about encouraging words... I found another one on a piece of postcard...

Wise words from another famous writer... Goethe

I don't know the outcome of today or my life, but I know that in every step, as long as God is with me, I'm in good hands.

Where do I begin,

2006-02-05T19:30:00.000+08:00

Considering that these past 3 days had been hectic with fun fun fun. Perhaps I should do a recap instead. Got to restrain myself from my tendency to "story tell"... hehehe. Anywhoo... I would also like to make a comment regarding my edited post for the CNY celebration. I totally felt like an Angmoh with the comment I made regarding some certain clothing, hehehe. Never meant to offend anybody. PEACE OUT!!! :P Thanks to the enlightening session from Ai Pei.

I probably should just dated my posting starting from the very recent. My picture collage post.
Disclaimer: some of these photos are meant to capture candid moments. Tee heee...

February 5th...
I joined Hope Church caregroups for their service and lunch at Crystal Jade Restaurant in Plaza Singapura. On my table, I got to sit beside the lovely miss Ai Pei, who was my partner in our comedy routine, although we have yet to claim an audience, hehehe. I think Andrew, who sat on my... left, bravely endured our moments of hilarity. And some of you would probably regret sitting in front of me, because me and my camera... I'm quite trigger happy... Here are some of my amateurish effort to capture the Kodak moments...

Sometimes deciding what to eat for lunch is such a chore!

Miss Dee... Deep in thought

Yihong showed us how it's done :-P

What are you doing, Peishan?

And to my left, we have Andrew, David and Andrea... From our table we're only missing taking a picture of Thomas

And this is my version of the carecell picture, commemorating me bringing a camera, hehehe... (l-r: Jon, Edmond, Ai Pei, Anne, Andrea, David, Dee, Yihong, Jay and Albert) ... Another version by Dee

And after the sugar rush settled in our bodies, some of us retreated to a relaxing guitar lesson with Master Albert.

More of the goin'ons for this day can be found at Dee's and Peishan's

Later that night, I went to watch a Korean movie, "The Season of Love" with my friends Marleen and Sylvia. Marleen treated me for the movie, especially since my favorite Korean star, Jung Woo Sung was in it. Overall it was an okay movie. Even JWS's performance seemed to be lacking in effort, but he's funny in it. It's refreshing to see him doing more light characters than his regular tough guy, rebel image. But the moral of the story was... never take anything for granted, your time with your loved ones are precious. And show them that you love them before it's too late.

Just like a Korean drama, right after the show, the sky was pouring like crazy. (Too bad there's no Korean TV hunks or anyone the likes, to offer us umbrellas, hehehe. Oh well...) It's almost midnight and although transportations were bad, we managed to get home safely. Things like these really makes me miss my car! It was our last outings together while Marleen still in Singapore, she returned to US the next day :-( And Sylvia returned to Jakarta about an hour after her.

February 4th...

Saturday Night with Delirious?
City Harvest Church was inviting the British Christian Band, Delirious?, to come and lead worship for the Saturday's and Sunday's service. Truthfully, I thought they're a tad bit too loud for my eardrums, but overall it was an awesome concert. I came with Marleen, Via, Ai Pei, Dee and Jay. EXPO Hall 8 was jam packed with people. It's full of worshippers. Sat behind us are people from South Korea. One 'ajummah' was so happy to shake hands with us and she kept on saying, "We from Ko-reea". I thought that was cute.

And just to bug some of my friends in Indonesia and US... It's a free concert, hehehe.

Martin Smith, the lead singer, has a very good voice. I told my friends, that at some part, when he started to "scream" JESUS... I got teary eyed. Not just for the voice, but it sounded from the heart >>> It's the sincerity that counts and usually that what makes the song sounds good.

These are the two clips from the concert...

The first video is a clip from "History Maker"

Second Clip... I think the title of the song is "Christ the solid Rock"

Sorry for the bad quality, but I recorded it with my Sony digital camera. And when I did it, I tried not to move. But yeah...

Right after the concert and a wonderful sermon about Ruth and then being rooted in a good "Ground" aka church by Pastor Kong Hee, the three of us (Ai Pei, Dee and I) went to eat dinner at Changi airport... since Expo's cafetaria was loaded with people. On the way out of Expo, we saw Singaporean own celeb, Irene Ang, aka Phua Chu Kang's Rosie, hehehe, in the midst of us.

February 3rd...

I got to spend some time with Christine at Sentosa Island around noon. We ate lunch at Harbour Front and continued our trek to Sentosa Flower Festival... talking about trekking, you would think that the both of us were suited for the journey, hehehe... Far from it. Well, since I'm not outdorsey to begin with, I put on my walking heeled sandals (the ones that I use for shopping) and Christine dressed up nicely so that she doesn't have to change for her later appointment. At the end of the day, both of us got blisters on our feet... hehehehe...

But that beside the point, tho. The flowers at Sentosa were so nice, I didn't regret going over there. And the view of the waterfront and of course having a nice chat with a friend. Here are some evidence of our good times...

The flowers and the view...

Christine and I infront of the wall of flowers.

After a fun afternoon with Christine, I got to spend the nightly event with Via and Marleen and we went to Esplanade and tried to watch the River Hongbao and the fireworks. The View was beautiful... and this picture is titled, "Wish you were here..." (hehehe... in this case even I need to be there... bad bad camera :-P )

Phew... at last I'm done with this post :)

TOP TEN REASONS OF DATING REJECTIONS

2006-02-02T16:17:00.000+08:00

Ah yes, Valentine's Day is coming... Love's in the air... Or not. Anyway... not purposefully wanting to sound like a scrooge on the coming V-Day, I got this article awhile ago. Of course this is just a joke that someone sent me through e-mail. I believe none of us would be this "nice" right? In a way, it gives an example about how men and women think differently, and how they perceive things differently also.

TOP TEN REASONS OF DATING REJECTIONS (and their actual means)

The top ten rejections by Women

10. I think of you as a brother (You remind me of that inbred banjo playing geek in "Deliverance")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages (You are one Jurassic Geezer)
8. I'm not attracted to you in "that" way (You are the ugliest dork I've laid my eyes upon)
7. My life is too complicated right now (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you might hear phone calls from all other guys I'm seeing)
6. I've got a boyfriend (Who's really a male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's)
5. I don't date men where I work (Hey bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same "Solar system", much less the same building)
4. It's not you, it's me (It's not me, it's you)
3. I'm concentrating on my career (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you)
2. I'm celibate (I've sworn of only men like you)
1.Let's be friends (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and sleep with. It's that male perspective thing)

And the top ten rejections by Men

10. I think of you as a sister (You are ugly)
9. There's a slight difference in our ages (You are ugly)
8. I'm not attracted to you in "that" way (You are ugly)
7. My life is too complicated right now (You are ugly)
6. I've got a girlfriend (You are ugly)
5. I don't date women where I work (You are ugly)
4. It's not you, it's me (You are ugly)
3. I'm concentrating on my career (You are ugly)
2. I'm celibate (You are ugly)
1. Let's be friends (You are sinfully ugly)

A day of melting pot of cultures

2006-02-01T12:03:00.000+08:00

I was invited to a CNY (to some of you who don't know, it stands for Chinese New Year :P ) lunch gathering at Yihong's place yesterday. And Edmond was the main chef. I should recommend his cooking. I like the Mapo Tofu the most, although at first it looked suspicously very spicy. Muy delicious, hehehe... I shook hand with Yihong's grandma, but failed to say Gong Xi Fa Cai, instead I said, "Happy New Year." She graciously replied with "Xie xie..." I'm still not confident with my pronunciation/ intonation for such a simple line. Jay caught me off guard again at the end of the day when he wished me "Xian ni kuai le" and so on and so on, hehehe... I just told him, "Whatever..." I got to meet people from France and Romania like Audrey, Laetitia (sorry if I spell it incorrectly), Sydney and Mihai. I got to monopolize Audrey, who spoke better Singlish and Mandarin than I. I thought that was awesome. That's why I'm still amaze about Singapore. An Asian country with mostly Chinese residents but speak English and in a way become another melting pot for other nations who lives here. In a way just like America. Or LA, to be precise, hehehe... But much safer and cleaner. That's what I've been telling some of my American friends who never been to Singapore anyway, that I'm not moving far. Just to another version of LA.
With the help of Dee, I took this picture with my new friends: (l-r) Herr Edmond, David Johnson, Jay, Audrey and Mihai. I had fun talking and dining with them.

Later on some of us went to see "Memoirs of a Geisha". I think the boys didn't like it as much. Albert said that it's an angmoh's movie. (Funny too that now I'm accustomed with that word, Angmoh. It's a Singaporean nick for white people. I think it literally means "Red Hair". Just like how Indonesian people calling caucasians, "Bule". Bule roughly means pale)... I thought the movie was quite good. It's not Gladiator but at least, I think, it's better than Troy (with the exception of Brad Pitt in mini skirt, hehehe). I noticed something that similar between Troy and Geisha, tho. They spoke with a mixed up accent. Troy had accents from American Midwest, British to Irish, while Geisha has a mixed of Chinese, American, and Japanese accent.

More photos and reading on this day can be found @ Dee's...

PS: (Dated today the 4th) After an enlightening dinner together with Dee and Ai Pei at the airport, after Delirious concert... I made some changes with this entry. So if some of you, Singaporeans kids, already got a good laugh with my original post, well, savor it, because now it's fixed so that nobody would get offended with my "angmoh's" remark. It's about how you call certain types of clothings and what not, hehehe... Ai Pei knows what I'm talking about.

Sae Hae Pakmani Padeusyeyo!

2006-01-29T22:57:00.000+08:00

Yeah with my attempt on broken Korean, I wrote the title for this post. So if any of you are Korean, hopefully you're not offended. I'm trying to say, Happy New Year, hehehe... *lame laugh* I thought I want to give it a twist instead of just saying Gong Xi Fa Cai...

I've told some of my Singaporean friends that Chinese Indonesians don't really celebrate Chinese New Year... with the exception of the much hungbao (Do I even spell it correctly? :P ) anticipation of course. So yeah, here we are 4 Chinese Indonesian chicks... One from Los Angeles and 2 from Jakarta and me (duh?!). But we all knew each other when we're all in States. It's just interesting how I have to explain about why we don't really celebrate Chinese New Year. Many of us don't even know how to speak Chinese to begin with. Perhaps now in Indonesia we can celebrate it, but at least around my time when I was there, there's no such thing. We only celebrated it quietly (if we celebrate it at all), no lion dance on the street or the likes. Just went out in some Chinese restaurant or whatever restaurant and eat, which was of course nothing out of the ordinary. So on the other hand I thought that it's kinda weird that in Singapore, churches were closed in observant of the Chinese New Year. I'm learning something new again in this place.

Yesterday, as I walked through the quiet Orchard road, if I saw any Chinese looking faces, they would most likely speak Indonesian... and of course we had the regular tourists like the Japanese and the Koreans. The Chinese Indonesians came in for the holiday, while the Singaporeans and the Chinese Malaysians are supposedly home or visiting somewhere. How funny... And of course the Indonesian churches were open per usual.

Talking about churches, I went to 3 services this week alone. And talking about anticipating Chinese New year in churches... on Wednesday I went to City Harvest Church and meet with some of my friends there and we got this goodie bag filled with oranges and hungbao envelopes. I thought the design on the envelope was quite nice, it includes a verse from Psalm 63:11 "You crown the year with Your goodness, and Your paths drip with abundance." Very appropriate. Hehehe... And then on Friday, I was blessed by my Hope Church crew, tho I got a little lost on my way home... (Not again! Hehehe...) and then of course to complete my week of Church goings, on Sunday I went to me mom's church (I think it's called: Blessing In The Spirit Church) and guess what, I actually got hungbaos! Yay! Since most of them were parents, my friend Marleen and I were considered to be kids. Ah forever young! Marleen also received the blessing for coming with me, hehehe... 'Tis a good thing to be my friend, hehehe... So with all the stores closed, we got to get money instead of spending them :P

Home Sweet Home

2006-01-26T10:50:00.000+08:00

I'm missing my house in Portland, OR (USA). The place where I practically spent half of my life. Some of my happiest days were experienced there. All the birthday cakes, the Christmas trees, the spring blooms, the neighbor's horses, the tears and laughters... and most of all my family!

And here are some of the view of the house...

The view of my front yard... with my cat, Fuzzy, posing for me. I miss my Fuzz-poo also :(

And this is the kitchen view, where we eat our meals everyday... All those mess... That's what's make it feels like home, hehehe... I still remember our well-stocked kitchen cabinet also. We're never in want of food... Or shall I emphasize, junk food!!!

The other rooms: The formal dining room, family room, my bathroom (hehehe...) and my safe haven... my bedroom (can you tell that I'm in the process of moving, hehehe), of course. And the pic of my baby (which gave me more trouble lately), Duchess.

So that's my crib, people. Hope you like my amateur attempt as tourguide to casa @ Jamieson Road.

Euphoria… Definition:

2006-01-24T00:50:00.000+08:00

I was on my way to a job interview last Friday. But now I know how you feel when you’re feeling, “This is the day that the Lord has made.” I was in a euphoric mode. Woke up earlier, not feeling anything but joy, I read my bible and just do anything else that I need to do. I was feeling the favor of God yesterday. In my heart, I just know, whatever happens for the rest of the day, I knew that I’m having a ‘date’ with my God. When you’re with someone that loves you, everything seemed to be wonderful and nothing can deviate that feelings.

On the way to the train station, I listened to an Indonesian praise and worship by “Giving My Best” Crew. And I thought I’m going to have an ‘altar call’ in the bus. It was just wonderful.

I guess it depends on how people want to view their life. As I was waiting for the train at City Hall MRT station, I stopped in front of one of the doors. There was this faded sticker that somebody pasted on the glass window. It said, “Stressed is Desserts spelled backwards.” And I learned that God speaks through little things, even something as insignificant as a faded sticker. Do you see your life as half full or half empty, as people would say. You can worry your life away or you choose to live your life with full expectation of great things. Stressed about your life or just walked your life with the hope in God that everything will be sweet and beautiful (I’m writing all these so that I myself can re-read when things don’t go my way. God give us such days like these so that we can remember.) Wow… the things that you learned...the things that God use to encourage us. Even in such a public place like an MRT station.

Nothing can steal my joy that day. I mean, I got lost in Tampines station trying to look for a bus, I was late for the interview, and I was alone. But God was with me all the time. The interview was not hard, and although I still have to wait for the result, I was still elated. The people there were friendly and although I don’t have my full PR status yet, they let me register with them, unlike the other agency that I went to. When I was on my way to go to a care-cell meeting that night, the bus that I rode was quite full although there were some seats left. The bus had some leaking problem. Although I still got some water dripped on me, but it’s not as bad as was said by the lady who told me earlier not to sit there. The water dripped more to a sit in front of me, who happened to be empty. I was also blessed later on when I joined my friends from Hope Church for a good fun and sharing the word of God that night.

It was overall a great and awesome day…

Again... the beginning...

2006-01-17T16:18:00.000+08:00

This is my second attempt on blogging. My other one was truncated by the server (not this one) and I have a bad habit on keep on changing diaries... *ahem* when I was little of course. One reason was because 'somebody' had some nice habit to read my deepest thoughts which is very annoying. So I sporadically changing my diaries to hide my tracts, and of course because of the allure of nicely designed quality papers, hehehe... Oh well, nuf of that. And no, I'm not going to include any mention of my crushes (*the crowds displeased* :P) unless that crush and I have some agreement to promote him in this blog... Hahahaha... yeah right.

I thought since my new life here in Singapore, I should start a new blog with a new perspective on life and everything. My life has been changed for the better since last year and I believe that it's going to be even better this year. That doesn't mean that last year was free of heart aches, disappointments and pain. But through everything, I'm trying and I managed to see that there's always silver lining to everything. And that in everything there is a reason.

I'm still in the middle of looking for a job and I just got a call that my interview for tomorrow will be delayed a bit. Tis okay, said I... For some reason nothing seem to be bothering me now, considering I was just being turned down... Again... First and foremost reason... Me no speak no Chinese. Oh well... Makes me feel interested to join the audition for Singapore Idol. So I can scream my heads out, hehehe... Just kidding. I wonder if I do join the audition and got the part, would anybody vote for me... Hmmm... Maybe if I faced with Simon Cowell, I will be more thick skinned. Too bad he's not judging here :P

Err... Just in case anybody want to backtrack and read my previous attempts in diary writing or what you peeps nowadays call it blogging, here is za link:

http://shopgirl7.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/

footprints in my life...

Dazed and Confussed

ゲン まぼろし

One Bum Factor on Modernization

Swine swindler

Boredom

that figure in your peripheral

Another beginning

Daily dose of smile

Let Him do the cold calling

Lead me to the Cross

Where the heart is

Creature of Comfort is looking for Utopia

Weekday rambling

Be of good courage

lookey likey

Simply New Year

The Christmas Message

Curtain Call

anne cann cook

1 Kool Kat

Mercy Mercy Me

Fat Ol' Goliath

Katrina Syndrome

Claiming Favor

My TMI index of the day

Just Elated...

Dear blog...

Late Submission

The Daily Bread Connection

Where to go?

Bouts of expressions...

The glass shoes need to be polished...

A Life Less Ordinary

We are Chi-neese... If you ple-eese... Tum tum tum tum...

Hope's Birthday Bash

yummi in my tummi

On a Midnight Prowl

Reflection... And Thursday Night

Au Revoir, Audrey

Painting Brighter Colors

I Am Blessed

Give Thanks... Always

Fireworks at Lavender

More and more...

Anti-"Ageing" TIPS

"The grass is NOT greener on the other side"

Fidelio

Cap These...

That's what friends are for

Happy 4th of July

Random Fun Activities

A Walk To Remember

One Love Song

Confession of a broken heart

The Price to be Perfect

The Starfish Story

Much Ado About NOTHING

Curtain Call

Closing Time

"Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey"

Dead Week

Jokes for the day :)

Ring My Bell

Collide

"What is love? Baby don't hurt me... :-D"

All By Myself

My First Day... of School

The Case of My Box of Chocolate (Concluded)

Improve the way you speak, Improve the way you serve

Count It All Joy

Baptism Sunday

Happy Valentine!!! And a character quiz

Cute intermission :-P

Winning a "man of great potential"

How to be useful and fruitful

"Life is tough, but God is good"

Where do I begin,

TOP TEN REASONS OF DATING REJECTIONS

A day of melting pot of cultures

ゲンまぼろし